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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850631">Wouldn't It be Nice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nottinghill/pseuds/nottinghill'>nottinghill</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"Wouldn't It be Nice" Universe [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bisexual Sasha Blouse, Daddy Issues, Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Slow Burn, Teacher Hange Zoë, Therapy, Tutoring</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:20:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>82,282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nottinghill/pseuds/nottinghill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being one of the top students at her high school had its perks, but also its downfalls. All is good until Ymir is asked to tutor a failing student. Who knows what fate has in mind when the failing student is Historia, her old childhood friend who she hasn't spoken to in five years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hitch Dreyse/Marlo Sand | Marlowe Freudenberg, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss &amp; Ymir, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"Wouldn't It be Nice" Universe [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2244810</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. All I Need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bell sounded as soon as the teacher finished up the math problem. Shoving her books and binders into her bag, Ymir headed towards the door. A hand brushed against her shoulder, turning around, her eyes were greeted with the pleasant smile of her math teacher. </p><p>“Ymir, I need to ask you a question. Could you stay behind for a few minutes?”</p><p>Being among the top students of her school had its perks, but also had its downfalls. Ymir nodded at her teacher and sat next to her desk, glancing at the scattered exam papers with red pen scribbled all over them. Feeling her leg bouncing, Ymir places a hand down on her knee, hoping that will ease her anxiety. </p><p>“Hi sweetheart, I know you have been looking for some extra tutoring hours for NHS, and I think I’ve found someone that you can help. I’ve been talking to one of my students in my other calculus class and she has been struggling recently. I think she would respond well to your particular ways of tutoring. She is also a family friend and I wouldn’t trust her with any other student.” </p><p>Mrs. Smith smiled at Ymir, pleading with her to accept the tutoring job. Ymir was the go-to student when it came to tutoring failing students. She recently took a break since starting a job at a local bookstore, but since it was a family friend, there was no way she could say no. Pushing up her glasses so she could look her teacher in her eyes, she nodded and said,</p><p>“Well, I would have to check my schedule, but I believe I could squeeze in a tutoring session once or twice a week. Who is the student though?”</p><p>“Oh thank god! It’s Historia Reiss, I’m sure you know her!” Mrs. Smith jumped out of her chair and ran around her desk to hug Ymir. Ymir tensed up at the display of affection, hoping that her teacher would notice and let her go soon. After a few awkward moments, her teacher finally pulled away and thanked her once again. </p><p>Ymir said her goodbyes and grabbed her bag off of the ground, slinging it over her shoulder. The brunette stood tall and let her slim legs carry her to lunch. While she walked, she let her mind wander. Historia Reiss. A name that she thought she had once forgotten, but now it was the only thought that flew around her head. The two were friends when they were little kids. However, once Ymir came out in sixth grade and Historia’s parents found out, they had to stop talking. Once they stopped talking, Historia turned cold to Ymir, pretending that she never existed and they never knew each other. </p><p>Before she could realize it, she ran into the doors that lead into the cafeteria. Regaining her balance, she opened the door, scanned over the masses, and spotted her two closest friends. Making her way over, she started catching pieces of their conversation. </p><p>“Sasha! You don’t need this many packets of ketchup for your sandwich!”</p><p>“Connie, I know this, but I was in a rush and I can’t keep waiting to eat!”</p><p>“Ugh, just hurry up Sasha. We need to go to the black box soon. I have to paint some boxes for the musical and I don’t want to be alone.”</p><p>Ymir smiled at her two friends bickering over food and theater. Sasha’s a junior who focuses mainly on theater and her art. She finally got her first lead for the musical and hasn’t shut up about it yet. While Connie’s a junior as well, he’s the prop master in theater and is working up to becoming stage manager. The two of them made up the terrifying improv duo, “Consha,” and have been trying to make Ymir join a production since freshman year. She has refused each time but is an honorary member of technical theater where she’ll help Connie paint a board or two during a production. </p><p>“Ymir! You’re late!” The two said at the same time, their voices mixing into one. Ymir is late to lunch so often that they have gained the ability to give her the same criticism each time, at the same time, together. </p><p>“Yeah yeah yeah, I know. Mrs. Smith kept me behind and asked me to take up a new tutoring job. It’s quite the story, so let’s get moving to the black box together. Y’all won’t believe who she asked me to tutor.”</p><p>The three of them made their way down to the black box, passing all of the band couples making out in the hallway or them drumming on the walls. Walking into the black box, Ymir was greeted with sounds of cheer and singing. She waved to her acquaintances and walked over to Mr. K, the theater teacher. </p><p>“Ymir!! Haven’t seen you in a while, are you here to help Connie? You need to join one of our productions one of these days, we would love to have you working on a production with us full time!”</p><p>“I know, once I find the time, I will join a production. I think I’ll join Tech for the one-acts when that startup. I’ve stopped tutoring for the most part, so I think I’ll finally have time this year.” Smiling goodbye at Mr. K, she walked over to the stage where Connie was with some boxes. He started painting random words on them, trying to make them look like stacks of newspapers. </p><p>“So,” Sasha started while walking back with more supplies for Connie, “who are you going to start tutoring? Eren? He’s not the brightest of the bunch.”</p><p>“Sasha, he’s a friend of a friend, you NEED to talk nicely about him,” Connie schooled her. </p><p>“Well, Mrs. Smith asked me to tutor an old friend and I’m not looking forward to that.”</p><p>“Ymir, anyone can be an old friend, you need to be a little more specific than that,” Sasha said in between bites.</p><p>“Uh, she wants me to tutor Historia-”</p><p>“HISTORIA? THE HOMOPHOBIC BITCH?” Sasha screamed, echoing throughout the black box. </p><p>“Sasha, I’m not sure if she’s actually homophobic or if it was just her parents. Anyway, apparently, she is failing math and needs a tutor. And I need tutoring hours for NHS, so I’m going to do it,” Ymir mumbled through her teeth. </p><p>Watching the faces of her friends, she knew that they disapproved of her going through tutoring Historia, but decided to support her decision. They had been through it all with Ymir, especially after Historia stopped talking to Ymir. Losing Historia broke Ymir, but it grew her friendships with Connie and Sasha and she is forever grateful for that. The three stayed in silence for the majority of lunch, knowing that they shouldn’t push Ymir to talk more about Historia. The bell signaled that it was time for their fourth period. Ymir sent goodbyes their way and made her way out of the black box, then down the hall to the orchestra room. </p><p>Ymir opened the door, noticing that her teacher hadn’t arrived yet. She crossed the room, throwing her bag against the wall, and only opening it to grab her music. It was time to grab her bass and start getting ready for class. Grumbling under her breath about her choice of instrument, she heard her name yelled across the room. She glanced up, pushing her glasses up, and saw her favorite teacher calling her over. </p><p>Dr. Hange, or just Hange as they let their favorite students call them, was motioning for Ymir to come over and help them out with a favor. </p><p>“Ymir! You look lovely today hon! I was wondering if you could run out to my car and grab two of the basses in there and tune them. The middle schoolers have their concert tonight and since you have the ear for it, I was hoping that you could help me.”</p><p>Ymir couldn’t say no to her favorite teacher and just nodded and grabbed their car keys. Whistling her part to their pieces, Ymir made her way to their car and grabbed both of the ⅛ basses before returning to the school. Once she made it back inside, she quickly completed her task and set the basses aside. The last class of the day blew by quickly and before she knew it, Ymir found her way onto the bus. Staring outside the window, Ymir’s thoughts fell back to her memories with Historia.</p><p>~</p><p>“Historia, we’ve been friends for a while, so I could tell you anything, right?” A young, timid Ymir glanced at her friend while she fidgeted with her hands. </p><p>“Of course Ymir!” She smiled and took the brunette’s hands, “what’s bothering you?”</p><p>Swallowing a pit in her throat, Ymir stared at the ground until she was ready to look at Historia. “I’m gay.” She whispered ever so slightly. Ymir looked up at her friend, hoping to see a sense of acceptance and love from her. Historia just smiled back at her.</p><p>“Okay, thank you for telling me. I love you Ymir, no matter what.” Historia took the brunette into her arms, she felt the brunette shrink into her and held onto her until Ymir was ready to let go. </p><p>~</p><p>Ymir smiled at the thought of the memory, that was the calm before the storm. It was one of their last good memories before Historia stopped talking to her. Ymir never knew why they stopped talking. She thought that her coming out to Historia went well, but it seems like it was the opposite. Ymir never got the closure that she wanted from losing Historia, but maybe with tutoring her, she’ll find out why Historia left her in the dust. </p><p>Making her way off the bus, she took her time walking home. The leaves rustled together as a soft wind blew through the air, Ymir always enjoyed these cool autumn days before it started getting cold this time of year. She wondered to herself about how she is going to message Historia about their tutoring sessions but decided to push the thought of Historia out of her head until after work. Finally arriving at her house, she saw that her mother was home already. “Sweet, she’ll be able to drive me to work then,” Ymir thought to herself.</p><p>Shutting the door closed behind her, Ymir’s body finally relaxed and she flopped onto the couch. Her dog, Spot came up, sniffed her, then decided to leave her be on the couch. Realizing that she needed to get ready for work, Ymir willed her body to get and call for her mother. </p><p>“Mom? If you’re here, can you give me a ride to work?</p><p>It was just her luck when she heard the door open and saw her mother walk in from a run. Her mother is a short lady with long black hair, she shares the same striking freckles with Ymir. However, everything else Ymir got from her father, a man who neither of them talks to or acknowledges now. </p><p>“Hey sweetie! How was school?” Her mother asked.</p><p>“Oh, it was good. I was wondering if you could drive me to work today?”</p><p>“Yeah, just give me five minutes to wash off, and then I’ll be ready to go. Plus it looks like you could use those few minutes to get ready.” Her eyes glanced over at Ymir’s attire of black sweatpants and a matching black thermal. </p><p>With a small nod, Ymir headed to her room to get changed. Once she was in her room, she looked around for a pair of black slacks and a white polo or button-down. Quickly changing out of her school clothes, Ymir took a little bit to admire herself in the mirror. Flexing at herself in the mirror, she thought to herself that she needed to do a workout when she came home if she wanted to have better muscles than Connie. Finding a pair of black vans, she grabbed her wallet and met her mother by the door. After hearing about having to tutor Historia, she wasn’t in the mood to go to work, but at least she was going to get some money. </p><p>“What time will you be done?” Her mother’s voice cut through her head, forcing her to pay attention to what her mother has to say.</p><p>“I think around 9 tonight if you can pick me up.”</p><p>“Okay, I think that’s doable,” her mother nodded at her, “I do need to talk to you about something before I drop you off.”</p><p>“Oh, did something happen to someone in the family?” Ymir inquired.</p><p>“No,” her mother took a deep, shaky breath, “it’s your father. He’s been demanding to talk to you and I wanted to see if you wanted to talk to him.”</p><p>The thoughts of talking to her father caused Ymir’s chest to tighten and her heart began to race. She couldn’t imagine having to talk to him after her last interaction with him, it ended with a black eye, and she wasn’t interested in seeing him.</p><p>“Do I have to talk to him? Like legally because if not, then I’m not talking to him. You remember what happened last time.” Ymir reminded her mother by acting out a fight scene in the passenger seat. </p><p>“I know it isn’t ideal, but he’s threatening to take away money. I wish we could take him to court and make him pay child support, but we need money to do that. So, to keep the peace, could you maybe see him on Sunday? If you’re not busy.” Her mother pleaded with her. Ymir didn’t want to see her father, but she knew how much they needed the money. The two pulled up at the bookstore, before Ymir got out of the car, she turned to her mother. </p><p>“I have to tutor on Sunday, but I’ll find some time when I’m free to see him, okay?” Her mother nodded at her. They exchanged goodbyes and Ymir walked into work. Her coworkers waved hello to her and continued with their work. It was a quiet and slow day, which Ymir was thankful for. The night quickly came and work was finishing up until one customer came up to the register for help.</p><p>“Hello, I’m looking for some Robert Heinlein books, but I’m not sure where to start.” The timid voice said. Ymir swore she recognized it. She pushed her glasses up while she lifted her head and was greeted with a pair of striking blue eyes. </p><p>“Oh, hi, I can show you where they are.” Ymir flashed a forced smile, that almost certainly looked painful, and quickly hurried from behind the counter to the science fiction section. </p><p>“So, are you looking for any of his books in particular or just grazing?” She asked, trying not to glance at the girl.</p><p>“Oh, mainly looking, but I do need to pick up a copy of Double Star if it’s here.” The girl laughed a little before talking again, “You know Ymir, I was actually meaning to talk to you, good thing you’re here.”</p><p>She said her name… It’s been five years since she’s heard her name fall from those lips. She swore her name sounded like ecstasy to her. Before she knew it, she had walked into a bookshelf, too occupied with replaying her name in her head. Shaking her head, she straightened her glasses and looked at the girl.</p><p>“Really?” In a sense of false shock, “What do you need to talk to me about?”</p><p>“I’m assuming that Mrs. Smith has brought it up to you, but I thought since you are one of the top students, you could help me bring up my math grade. Also, since we were friends.” The girl added in at the last moment.</p><p>They continued walking until they arrived at the science fiction section, while the girl started looking for the H section. Ymir bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say back to the girl. She finally made up her mind on what to say.</p><p>“Yeah, well that was five years ago, so I’m not sure you get a free pass.” She threw in a bit of bitterness into her voice, then continued, “However, you’re lucky that I need some more tutoring hours for NHS, so I agreed.”</p><p>While the girl was turned around, Ymir let herself study her more. She had let her golden locks grow out over the years, her hair was down to her hips and had a slight curl in them. The blonde hadn’t gotten that much taller over the years, she still sat at around five feet tall, but her body had filled out by now. Her shirt was a little tight, allowing Ymir to see how her body looked now. She had a fuller chest now, with a curvy body, and a nice bottom, Ymir quickly added, but the most different was her face. The blonde had a chubby, babyface when they were friends years ago, but her face had slimmed out a little bit. Her cheekbones were a little more prominent now and her button nose was still the same small nose that Ymir remembered. However, her eyes somehow got bluer if that was possible. At this point, Ymir wouldn’t be surprised if she was a model. She was too caught up in admiring her to remember how horribly their friendship had ended. </p><p>“Ymir,” her name echoed throughout the room before she came to, “I think I’m ready to check out.” Ymir swallowed and nodded at her. They walked back to the cash register in silence. Ymir went behind the counter and started ringing her up. This was the first time since she came in here that Ymir and the blonde could see each other eye to eye. </p><p>“$10.99 is your total. Do you want your receipt in your bag?” She looked up to ask the blonde and saw her blue eyes staring right back at her.</p><p>“That would be good. Uh, Ymir, are you free on Sunday to do a tutoring session at the library?” The blonde inquired of her.</p><p>“Yes, I am. How is 2 pm to 4 pm?”</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds good. Before I leave, here is my number,” the blonde took out the receipt and scribbled down the digits to her phone number. “It was good to see you, Ymir.” The blonde said before turning and walking away.</p><p>“It was nice to see you too. See you on Sunday... Historia.” Ymir whispered her name as she walked away. It’s been years since they had last talked and now Ymir has her phone number and is seeing her on Sunday. “This can’t be a good idea,” Ymir thinks to herself as she closes up for the night. While she waits outside for her mother, she decides to text Historia, to solidify the plans and make sure the phone number works. </p><p>“Hey! Just wanted to text and make sure you had my phone number. I hope the Rust library works well for you. If you need a ride, I give you one.” Ymir sends the text as quickly as possible, then shoving the phone in her pocket, afraid to see what Historia says back. </p><p>Within a minute, her pocket began vibrating. Pulling it out, she read the message from Historia, it said, </p><p>“Hey Ymir! Don’t worry I still had your number from when we were kids, I knew I could count on you not changing it. Anyway, the Rust library sounds good. For a ride, I should be good. It was nice to see you today! See you soon.”</p><p>A smile began to spread across Ymir’s lips, but a hand quickly covered it. “No, I can’t expect her to want to be friends with me again after how our friendship ended last time. I just have to tutor her, then I never have to talk to her again.” </p><p>A car beeped in front of her, looking up, Ymir saw her mother motioning at her to get in. She pushed herself off the wall and made it to the car. Opening the door, she was greeted with a wave of warm air and Gun and Roses blaring. Her mother attacked her with a series of questions about how work was and how her day really was. Ymir took a deep breath and let her thoughts wander to Historia,</p><p>“How am I supposed to tutor after everything that happened? She was acting so casual around me like she didn’t stop talking to me for being gay? Well, hopefully, I’ll be able to get the closure that I need.”</p><p>Her thoughts were interrupted when her mother pulled into their parking spot. The two of them made it into the house and mumbled goodnights to each other before falling into their beds. Ymir drifted out to sleep, thinking about how Historia kept her number all of these years later.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Videotape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sunday arrives, it's time for Ymir and Historia to head to the library for their tutoring session. </p>
<p>The sun peeked through between the slightly closed blinds and slowly woke up Ymir. Warmth slowly crawling up her face, Ymir’s eyes fluttered open. She glanced around her room to find the culprit who woke her up and was greeted by the sun. Rubbing her face with one hand, the other searched around for her glasses. Finding them, she placed her frames on her face, finally seeing the world clearly that morning. A ding sounded from her left and she saw that a text notification came in. Picking up the phone, the time read 11:18 a.m, and much to her surprise, the text was from Historia.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everybody! Hope y'all like this chapter! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun peeked through between the slightly closed blinds and slowly woke up Ymir. Warmth slowly crawling up her face, Ymir’s eyes fluttered open. She glanced around her room to find the culprit who woke her up and was greeted by the sun. Rubbing her face with one hand, the other searched around for her glasses. Finding them, she placed her frames on her face, finally seeing the world clearly that morning. A ding sounded from her left and she saw that a text notification came in. Picking up the phone, the time read 11:18 a.m, and much to her surprise, the text was from Historia. </p>
<p>Thoughts and emotions came flying back to Ymir when she recalled that today was finally Sunday, the day she agreed to meet Historia for a tutoring session. Her eyes skimmed over the text, only noticing that she had asked for a ride to the library. Her mind went into full panic mode, trying to figure out how she was going to convince her mom to lend her the car for the day. She shook her head at the thought of the other option, having to ask her mom to pick up Historia and drive them to the library. </p>
<p>Decided against the latter option, Ymir started formulating what she could say to her mother to convince her to give her the car for a couple of hours. She forced her legs to swing off the bed and lead her to the bathroom for a morning shower. In the shower, Ymir thought about the idea of having to spend two full hours with Historia, by herself. She knows that she can’t ask Connie or Sasha to come with her, so somehow she has to brave the tutoring session by herself. </p>
<p>“God, why did I agree to this?” Ymir takes her head in her hands in anguish, “I should have just looked Mrs. Smith in the eyes and declined. I don’t know why I can’t just say no to people.”</p>
<p>Stepping out of the shower, Ymir grabbed the closest towel and wrapped it around her waist. After admiring her physique in the mirror, she quickly brushed her teeth and hurried back to her room. Finding a clean pair of boxers, socks, and a bra, she threw them on and searched for a shirt and pair of pants to wear. She spotted a white shirt and a thick crimson flannel, as well as a pair of black skinny jeans. Once she was clothed, she found her comb and slicked back her shoulder length, honey brown hair out of her face. Looking around her room, she found her backpack and flung that over her shoulders before making it to the kitchen. </p>
<p>Once Ymir made it to the kitchen, she had noticed her mother had already made the two of them breakfast. “At least that’s one thing that I don’t have to do today,” she mumbled to herself as she took a seat. </p>
<p>“Hey mom,” Ymir timidly started, “is there any way I could borrow the car from 2 p.m to 4 p.m today? I have to tutor a student and she needs a ride.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that should be fine. Who do you have to tutor anyway?” Her mother began to inquire from the brunette. </p>
<p>“Oh, just some random sophomore that I don’t really know that well. I do need the hours for NHS though, so that’s why I agreed to take up this tutoring job.” Her mother nodded at her and the two ate mainly in silence, occasionally exchanging a few words here and there. The minutes slowly went by until it was 1:15 p.m and Ymir was about to leave to grab Historia. </p>
<p>“Ymir, honey, don’t forget that you need to see your father soon. If you’re not working tomorrow, could you please go to dinner with him?” Her mother asked her, searching Ymir’s face for an indication of an answer. </p>
<p>Swallowing the lump in her throat that had formed, Ymir nodded at her mother and said her goodbyes, before heading to the door. Her pocket vibrated before she opened the door and saw a text from Historia, that simply read her address. Ymir was thankful that Historia sent her address since she was too scared to text her and ask her for it, even though she vaguely remembered the way over to her house. </p>
<p>Finally in the car, Ymir adjusted the mirrors to her liking and put Historia’s address in her phone. The phone barked out instructions at her until she finally arrived at the familiar house. Noticing a few new rose bushes, almost everything looked the same like the last time she was here. Pulling out her phone to text Historia, she was greeted with a knock on the passenger seat window. Looking up, she saw those striking familiar blue eyes looking back at her. Historia had some sort of a smile that was directed at Ymir. “Why was she so happy to see me?” Ymir thought as she unlocked the passenger door for Historia. </p>
<p>“Hey Ymir! Thanks for picking me up, I hope it wasn’t too much of a hassle.” Historia smiled at Ymir, her white teeth almost blinding the poor brunette.</p>
<p>“Oh, well, it was nothing,” Ymir stumbled over her words, wondering how Historia could be so calm about seeing her again. “I don’t mind driving, so it wasn’t a hassle.”</p>
<p>“So, how long have you been working at that bookstore? I’m a pretty frequent customer there and that was the first time I’ve seen you.” Historia asked the brunette. </p>
<p>“Only a few weeks. I actually stopped tutoring students to be able to start working,” Ymir answered, keeping her eyes on the road. Afraid of making eye contact with Historia’s bright blue eyes. </p>
<p>“I didn’t know that you stopped tutoring. I wouldn’t have asked Mrs. Smith for you to be my tutor if I had known.” Historia grimaced at Ymir, feeling bad for causing her to go out of her way for Historia. </p>
<p>“You asked for me to be your tutor?” Ymir said in a shocking tone, finally turning to face Historia, for a second before looking back at the room. </p>
<p>“Well, all of the teachers talk highly about how good you are at tutoring students, so of course I wanted you to tutor me. Plus since we were friends, I thought it would be nice to see you.” Historia pushed the final sentence out with gritted teeth. </p>
<p>“Yeah... Friends,” Ymir mumbled the last word quietly under her breath, hoping that Historia wouldn’t catch it. The two drove in silence until they reached the library and made their way to the doors. Ymir opened the door for Historia and followed her to one of the study rooms. She waved to the librarians who were working that day. Over the years, she grew very close to a select few of them because of how often she was at the library.</p>
<p>“Okay, here we are,” Ymir motioned to the door, leading to the study room. Historia took the hint and walked in. Before walking in, Ymir took a deep breath and cleared her head, mentally preparing herself for spending several hours alone with Historia. On the exhale, she walked in and flashed a quick smile to Historia, making her way to the whiteboard, opposite to Historia. </p>
<p>“So, what is your particular weak spot right now? Is it the chain rule? I know that’s been tough for a lot of people,” Ymir inquired, trying to get a sense of what they were going to be working on. </p>
<p>“Definitely the chain rule,” Historia giggled, “It just doesn’t make any sense to me!”</p>
<p>Ymir nodded at Historia, feeling a smile begin to creep on her lips, she turned around and thought what she should write down. Picking up the nearest marker, a red one, it squeaked as she started writing a basic function and the formula on the whiteboard. Once she was done, she pulled away and smiled at the formula. It was her favorite way to find a derivative, it just flowed out of her hand when she did math problems. </p>
<p>“So, I wrote down (x+4)² as the function. There’s the formula if you forgot what it was. Why don’t you come up here and write down the derivative for me?” Ymir turned around to ask Historia. </p>
<p>Historia nodded at Ymir and got out of her chair, making her way to the whiteboard. Extending her arm to give Historia the marker, their fingers briefly touched. Ymir felt her face flush, realizing she hasn’t felt Historia’s touch in five years. She watched as Historia stared at the whiteboard, trying to figure out the question, eventually failing. </p>
<p>“Ymir,” Historia turned around with a pouting expression, “could you show me how to do this? I can’t seem to figure it out.”</p>
<p>Taking back the marker in one hand and with the other, Ymir pointed at the formula. She loved to show off her smarts, but something about this was different. There was a sense of nervousness before she started speaking. Remembering their friendship from all those years ago, Ymir was the “stupid” one. Over the years, she worked long and hard to prove that she was quite intelligent. It felt like she had to prove herself to Historia that she was actually smart. </p>
<p>“So, let’s look at the function first. The parent function for the chain rule is f(g(x)) and the function falls under this as well. F(x), the outside function, is the exponent or the squared part. G(x), the inside function, is the (x+4) part. Does that make sense?” Ymir glanced over her shoulder to see a nodding Historia, she took that as a sign to continue. </p>
<p>“Now onto the formula. The formula is f prime (g(x)) times g prime (x). When I’m saying “f prime”, I’m talking about the derivative of that function. Finally, let’s take the derivative of the function. The first part of the derivative is 2 times (x+4). That is just taking the derivative of the exponent and keeping g(x) as normal. Now onto the second part, which is the derivative of g(x), that is just 1. The final answer is 2(x+4). Does that make sense to you now?” Ymir turned around and saw that Historia was quickly copying down the work on the board. </p>
<p>“Wait, so the 2 is coming from the power rule, right?” Historia furrowed her eyebrows at Ymir, while she tried to do the mental math. </p>
<p>“Yeah! It’s as simple as that. If you want to, I can write down more examples of the chain rule, then you can work through them and I’ll check your work!” Ymir smiled at Historia, excited to do more math. </p>
<p>“I’ll definitely need some more help, but I think I’m starting to figure this out.” Historia said cheerfully to Ymir. </p>
<p>The two of them sat back down at the table. While Ymir wrote down more questions for Historia, she noticed that Historia seemed to be nervous about something. She ignored it the first few times she noticed it, until she had enough guessing what she was nervous about and decided to ask Historia. </p>
<p>“So, what’s bothering you?” Ymir asked, still looking down at the math problems she was making. </p>
<p>“I- uh- I wanted to ask you some questions. It’s been a while since we talked and I’ve missed talking to you,” Historia responded, nervously biting her nails. </p>
<p>The words sliced through Ymir’s chest, all the way through her heart. Apparently, Historia missed talking to her. She hasn’t made one acknowledgment of it over the years though, Ymir thought to herself. </p>
<p>“Okay, well, what questions do you want to ask me?” Ymir kept looking at the paper, she was too afraid of looking into Historia’s eyes and seeing something she didn’t want to see. </p>
<p>“Just about how you’ve been. Like your mom and dad, your dog, or what colleges you’re looking at. I’m not sure how, but you became this genius ever since sixth grade,” Historia chuckled at calling Ymir a genius. When Historia knew the girl, she was hardly a genius. Sure she did well in her classes, but she was notoriously known for misreading situations and making bad comments. </p>
<p>Finally looking at Historia, Ymir saw in her eyes that she was sincere about wanting to know about her life. Taking a deep breath, Ymir prepared herself to answer some of those questions truthfully. </p>
<p>“Well, I’ve been good, I haven’t done much looking into colleges yet. My mom, Spot, and I are well. We don’t talk to Dad anymore.” </p>
<p>Ymir watched Historia’s face turn into an expression of shock when she heard that Ymir didn’t talk to her father anymore. Historia remembered how much Ymir adored her father. She opened her mouth to ask why they don’t talk anymore, but knew Ymir wouldn’t talk to her about it. </p>
<p>“That’s nice you’ve been good. I’m sorry to hear about your dad.” Historia practically whispered the part about Ymir’s father. Afraid to look up at Ymir, Historia kept her eyes on the math problems in front of her. Studying the paper, she swore the problems turned into an ancient language right then. </p>
<p>After hearing a loud belly laugh, Historia looked up quizzically at Ymir as to why she started laughing. Ymir began to wipe away tears from her eyes, while she kept chuckling. </p>
<p>“Well, I’m not! He was an asshole hon! Last time I saw him, I walked away with a black eye and more trauma to tell my therapist!” Ymir kept chuckling until she finally caught her breath, but then she realized the damage she had done. </p>
<p>She opened up. She didn’t just open up to anyone, but to Historia. The girl who left her right after Ymir had come out to her. Ymir hadn’t told Connie or Sasha about when her father hit her or how he was emotionally abusive to her and her mother. It simply wasn’t something that she talked about to anyone, except her therapist. However, here she is, telling this to Historia. She studied Historia’s expression once again. She couldn’t pinpoint what emotion she was displaying. Anger? Sadness? Regret? Surprise? Ymir had no clue what the blonde was thinking at the moment. </p>
<p>“He hit you?” Historia choked out a whisper, staring right into those amber eyes that she missed. </p>
<p>“Eh, it was the one time,” Ymir tried to play it off as a joke, but saw Historia glaring into her eyes. Ymir knew that she messed up mentioning the abuse to Historia. </p>
<p>“Look Historia, I don’t need you trying to protect me from him. Yeah, it sucks ass that he hit me, but that’s life it happens. At least, I don’t have to deal with him screaming at me for washing a cup wrong. Anyway, it’s not like you would have cared enough to notice. If you were in my life.” </p>
<p>Ymir didn’t notice how harsh her voice sounded until she delivered the last line when she noticed her heart was pounding. Historia opened and closed her mouth about to say something, but then shook her head and went back to working on the math problems.</p>
<p>The two mainly worked in silence for the rest of the tutoring session, exchanging a word here or there whenever Historia got a problem wrong. Before they knew it, the session was over and they had to leave. The two made it out of the library and over to Ymir’s car. The only light illuminating their walk was the faint streetlights that were still on. It was surprising to Ymir how quick it got dark these autumn nights. A burst of wind cut through the two of them and Ymir noticed that Historia was shivering. They still had a little ways to walk and even then it would take a while for the car to warm up, Ymir motioned for Historia to stop walking. Throwing her backpack off of her shoulders, she pulled off the thick flannel that she had worn the day and handed it to Historia without saying a word. Grabbing her backpack, she kept walking to the car. </p>
<p>“Wait Ymir!” Historia called out to her, “Give me a second to put the flannel on.”</p>
<p>The sounds of running washed up on Ymir when she turned around and saw Historia wearing her flannel. When they were kids, they had no problem sharing clothes because they were about the same size. However, now since Ymir had multiple growth spurts and Historia didn’t, Ymir’s flannel looked like a dress on her. </p>
<p>Historia was shocked when she saw Ymir take off her flannel and hand it to her. She quickly put it on and caught the smell of Ymir on it. “Hm, she even smells the same,” Historia thought to her. Caught up in thought, she hadn’t noticed that Ymir had already started walking away. When Historia finally caught up to Ymir, she admired how the plain white shirt fit her body. Ymir was always fit since they were kids, but it seemed to Historia that she even worked out now. Historia looked at her long freckled arms, in shock of how toned and muscular they looked. She didn’t even notice when her jaw fell slightly open. </p>
<p>“Uh- Historia, what’s so shocking?” Ymir’s voice brought her back to reality when they arrived at the car. Historia felt her face flush and saw Ymir just smile and shake her head at her. </p>
<p>The two got into the car and waited for it to heat up. Once it heated up, Historia took off the flannel and threw it in the backseat. They drove back to Historia’s house mainly in silence until Ymir finally pulled up in her driveway. Historia grabbed her bag and undid her seatbelt, but then stopped herself. </p>
<p>“Are you able to do Wednesday after school? For another tutoring session?” The blonde looked into Ymir’s amber eyes, then letting her eyes travel around her face. Taking in all of her freckles and her olive skin. </p>
<p>“I agreed to help Connie with a few things for the musical, but if you want to tag along, we can go to the library after that. If you’re okay with that?” Ymir said, actively avoiding Historia’s eyes. </p>
<p>Historia’s face lit up and nodded at Ymir, “I can do that! I guess I’ll text you before I meet you because I’m not sure where anything is for theater.”</p>
<p>Ymir smiled at Historia, they exchanged goodbyes, and Historia left the car, making it into her house before Ymir drove off. Somehow, Ymir made it through the two hours with Historia and it didn’t go as bad as she thought. It was actually quite enjoyable, at least it was until Ymir snapped at Historia for pretending to care about her. </p>
<p>Lost in thought, Ymir finally made it back home in time for dinner. Opening the door, she was greeted with smells of onion and garlic, “Maybe it was pasta night,” Ymir thought to herself.</p>
<p>“Ymir honey!” Her mother yelled out to her from the kitchen, “how was your tutoring session? Did you shape young minds today?”</p>
<p>Ymir thought it was hilarious that her mother thought she was so smart, smarter than the teachers sometimes. Making her way into the kitchen, she sat across her mother and watched her cook. </p>
<p>“The session was good. I have another one with the same kid afterschool on Wednesday. I think she got the material, which is nice.” Ymir tried not to go into details, she was afraid what her mother would think if she knew she saw Historia. </p>
<p>“That’s good sweetheart. Do you have homework to do after dinner tonight?” Her mother asked Ymir, while still cooking.</p>
<p>“Just a little bit of history and physics, but I should be able to finish that up quickly.” </p>
<p>“Well, dinner should be ready in a minute or two.”</p>
<p>The two ate in silence, chatting here and there about college. Ymir excused herself and went to her room to finish up her homework for the upcoming week. Once she was in her room, she walked over to her desk and threw her backpack to the ground. Ymir finished up her history work quickly and then heard a ding come from her phone. After finding her phone, she saw who the text was from, Historia. It read,</p>
<p>“Hey Ymir! Thanks for a good session today! I was wondering if we could call for a second, I need help with a math problem.”</p>
<p>Ymir considered not responding to Historia, she felt too drained from their interactions today. However, she didn’t want to seem like a jerk for not responding. Once she found her earbuds and plugged them in, she facetimed Historia. After a few seconds, a clearly tired Historia picked up the phone.</p>
<p>“Ymir! I didn’t think you would call!” Historia grinned at Ymir over the phone.</p>
<p>“Eh, I’m not a jerk. So, what’s the math problem?”</p>
<p>Historia sent Ymir a photo of the problem, letting her see it better. While Historia talked about how she tried to solve it so many times before, Ymir took her time to look at Historia. She was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants with a loose matching sweater, that hung off one of her shoulders. Her long blonde hair was pulled up into a messy bun, with random strands of hair falling away, framing her face effortlessly.</p>
<p>Historia noticed that Ymir seemed to have spaced out, while she was talking about the problem. She smiled at the brunette, staring at the series of freckles that dotted her face.</p>
<p>When Ymir remembered what they had called for, she quickly solved the problem and sent a picture of the work to Historia as quickly as she could. When she was finishing up, she heard over the line, a conversation between Historia and her mother who had come into Historia’s room.</p>
<p>“Historia, who are you on the phone with? It’s getting late?” Her mother asked with a serious tone. Ymir prayed that Historia wouldn’t say her name, but God wasn’t listening to her today.</p>
<p>“Ymir! She’s helping me with a math problem!” Historia cheerfully answered.</p>
<p>“Ymir?” Her mother sounded shocked, Ymir understood why. Historia’s parents loved Ymir like their own child and when they stopped talking, Ymir knew it hurt them as well.</p>
<p>“Like Ymir, Ymir? Your old friend?” Her mother asked again for clarification.</p>
<p>“Yeah! Come over and say hi to her!” Historia passed the phone over to her mother and Ymir was face to face with a woman she hadn’t seen in five years.</p>
<p>“Hello ma’am,” Ymir swallowed the building anxiety in her throat.</p>
<p>“Ymir! It’s wonderful to see you again! You’ve grown quite into the beautiful lady! I didn’t know that you and Historia were talking again,” Ymir smiled at the compliment, missing the sweet lady who she spent so much time with.</p>
<p>“Uh- Mom,” Historia interjected, “Ymir is just tutoring me for math.” Before the phone passed back to Historia, Ymir caught a tinge of sadness on her face.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s a shame. Historia, you do know that I miss having Ymir around. You were so happy with her,” Ymir could faintly hear what Historia’s mother was saying to her before she left the room.</p>
<p>Historia didn’t acknowledge what her mother said to Ymir and went back to copying down the math problem. Once Historia was done with the math problem, she turned to Ymir.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m gonna go to bed. Thanks for your help! I’ll see you on Wednesday!”</p>
<p>Ymir waved and smiled goodbye, while Historia hung up on the phone. She felt an emptiness in her heart, now that she knew Historia’s parents missed her. Why did Historia leave her? She wanted to ask her what happened, but she knew Historia. Or at least remembered how she was. Historia wasn’t one for opening up about her feelings. She doubted that she would ever get the closure she truly needed.</p>
<p>Ymir finished up the rest of her work for the week and said a quick goodnight to her mom. Walking to her bed, she threw off her clothes, except her boxers and hopped in. Ymir laid there staring at the ceiling, recounting the memories from the day. Her eyelids started to fall down, but then another chime can from her phone. Checking her phone, it was Historia again.</p>
<p>“Sorry about my mom coming in and talking to you. I felt bad that I let her say hi. Anyway, see you at school tomorrow.”</p>
<p>The text made Ymir feel worse. Her parents missed her, but Historia could clearly care less. She sent a simple, “It’s okay,” back to Historia and closed her eyes. Letting sleep come and take her away, but memories of her past with Historia kept her up.</p>
<p>“Ymir!!” The brunette turned to see her little blonde friend running at her with her arms wide open.</p>
<p>The two collided and Ymir felt Historia’s arms wrap around her torso. The brunette was only a few inches taller than the blonde. She looked down and smiled at Historia, who’s grin was the biggest she’s ever seen. Historia finally pulled her head away from Ymir’s chest and stood up on her toes, to place a kiss on Ymir’s cheek. </p>
<p>Historia pulled away and stood to Ymir’s side, looking for her parents in the crowd. Ymir felt her hand brush against her own cheek. Feeling the place where Historia kissed her, a blush started to grow along her cheeks. She looked down at Historia who found her parents and waved them over. Mr and Mrs. Reiss came over to the two girls and pulled out their cameras, ready to take their annual first day of school photo. The two of them were finally in middle school and were excited to start this journey together.</p>
<p>“Ymir! You look lovely today! Are your parents here or is it just you?” Mrs. Reiss inquired.</p>
<p>“Thank you Mrs. Reiss!” Ymir gleamed at Mrs. Reiss. Mr and Mrs. Reiss was another set of parents to Ymir. The two of them loved that Historia and Ymir were best friends and adored both of the girls.</p>
<p>“Well, are you two ready for your seventh first day of school photo?” Mr. Reiss asked. The two of them nodded and gave their biggest smiles. Right before the photo was taken, Historia took Ymir’s hand and pressed her body against Ymir’s arm. Ymir felt herself blush and smiled even bigger. When the Reisses showed the girls the photo, it was very obvious how happy Ymir was to be that close to Historia.</p>
<p>The two girls had a yearly tradition of taking first day photos together. In fact that was how they met. In kindergarten, Ymir was dropped off early on the first day and was crying by herself. That was until Historia saw her and insisted that they should be friends. When Ymir calmed down, Historia wanted to take a photo together, so that “Historia won’t forget what her friend looked like when she got home.”Ymir could imagine the photo in her head, she was all flushed in the face from crying. While Historia was grinning from ear to ear, hugging Ymir around the torso, like she found a million dollars on the street.</p>
<p>Ymir came back from the memory and hadn’t noticed that she started to cry a little bit. Historia was her best friend for seven years and Ymir imagined the two of them being together forever. When they were kids, Historia and her would joke about getting married when they found out that was the only way that they could be together forever. </p>
<p>“God, I really miss her, but she left. She chose to leave me and I can’t let us get close again.” Ymir talked to herself, staring up at the ceiling.</p>
<p>Her eyelids started to betray her and Ymir felt herself begin to fall asleep. The sweet bliss of sleep overtook her body and Ymir finally fell asleep. Minutes after Ymir had fallen asleep, her phone lit up the room. A call from Historia was coming through, but Ymir was already fast asleep. The room went silent for a few more minutes, until a text came through. </p>
<p>“I guess you’re asleep already, but thank you for agreeing to tutor me. I know that things didn’t end well with us years ago, but I do miss you Ymir.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you liked the chapter! I apologize for the math lingo if you're not a math fan. I'm not sure when another chapter will come out because my classes start up again, but I would say expect it in a week at the most. Have a nice day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. No Surprises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The lunch bell rang cutting through Ymir’s thoughts about her father. She made a beeline to the door, ready to meet Connie and Sasha by their regular lunch table. Once Ymir turned the corner into the lunchroom, she saw blonde hair by her normal lunch table. Praying that Sasha just had a mini breakdown over the weekend, the owner of the blonde hair turned around to Ymir and waved her over. It was Historia, of course. Finally, she saw Connie and Sasha, pleading for her to save them through their eyes.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody! Hope y'all liked this chapter! It's pretty long, but I think its sweet. TW: There are mentions of abuse and suicide. It isn't much, but I felt like I should still say something.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lunch bell rang cutting through Ymir’s thoughts about her father. She made a beeline to the door, ready to meet Connie and Sasha by their regular lunch table. Once Ymir turned the corner into the lunchroom, she saw blonde hair by her normal lunch table. Praying that Sasha just had a mini breakdown over the weekend, the owner of the blonde hair turned around to Ymir and waved her over. It was Historia, of course. Finally, she saw Connie and Sasha, pleading for her to save them through their eyes. </p><p>“Ymir!” Historia waved her over quickly, “I was talking to Connie and Sasha about where I should meet you guys on Wednesday after school. Except they didn’t know that I was tagging along,” delivering the last sentence, Ymir watched as Historia’s right eyebrow went up. Ymir knew that she was in trouble with all three of them. </p><p>“Well, I haven’t had the chance to talk to them, I’ve been busy with stuff,” Ymir chuckled nervously, while she started to rub the back of her neck. </p><p>“Oh, I’m not mad at you. You don’t need to do your whole neck thing.” The hair on the back of Ymir’s neck stood up. She forgot Historia was always able to recognize that. Connie and Sasha were amazing friends, but their ability to pick up on subtle cues was horrible.</p><p>“So, why is Historia going to tag along with you on Wednesday?” Connie was definitely pissed off and it was obvious to all. Neither Sasha or Connie had a real reason to hate Historia, besides what happened between Ymir and Historia and none of them knew what the reason was.</p><p>“Well, Historia and I have another tutoring session afterschool on Wednesday. However, I already agreed to help you with some tech stuff and I thought you wouldn’t mind if she tags along for a little. I didn’t want to cancel on either of you, so is it okay?” Ymir is pleading to Connie with her eyes for him to just play along for a little bit. </p><p>“Only if she doesn’t get in our way,” Connie growled out at Ymir. </p><p>“Thank you Connie! We are on our way to the black box, if you want to come with us, so you know where to meet me.” Ymir turned to Historia and saw her glance at Sasha and Connie for approval as way, then nodded when they seemed okay. </p><p>The four of them walked to the black box, once Historia knew the layout, she said goodbye to the three of them and went to her own friends. The trio walked into the black box, Connie and Sasha remained silent until they made it onto the stage, where they could talk.</p><p>“Ymir,” Sasha’s voice was low and angry, “you know how we feel about you and Historia talking again.”</p><p>“I know, I know, but I have to tutor her or I won’t have enough hours. I’m also hoping that maybe I’ll be able to get some closure if I stay nice to her,” Ymir was arguing her case in front of Connie and Sasha, hoping they would understand why she has agreed to do this.</p><p>“Just make sure you don’t become her friend again, we don’t want to watch you get hurt again. Also, make sure she’s quiet and won’t bother on us on Wednesday,” Connie looked up at Ymir from his hands, she nodded at him. </p><p>The three of them stayed silent, while they ate. Connie eventually got up to go work on a project, while Sasha grabbed her script and started running through lines. Ymir let herself drift off, worrying about what is going to happen with her father later that day. </p><p>“Ymir,” Sasha’s voice brought Ymir back to reality, “we aren’t angry with you. We are just worried about what will happen if you two get too close to each other. We care about you, you know that right?”</p><p>“I was thinking about my dad actually. I have to see him tonight,” Ymir lifted her head to meet eye to eye with Sasha, she watched as Sasha’s eyes widened in realization. </p><p>“Oh, that makes sense. How do you think that’ll go?”</p><p>“Not good, but what can you do about it?”</p><p>The bell rang shortly after and Ymir made her way out of the black box to her last class of the day. Waving hello to her teacher, she let her mind run free thinking about what could happen at dinner tonight. “He could hit me, he could yell at me, maybe it’ll be nice, or it’ll be absolutely horrible,” Ymir ran the possibilities in her head, preparing herself for anything that could happen. Before she knew it, the last bell of the day rang and she was walking to the bus. </p><p>Finally on the bus, Ymir sat down in an empty seat in the black, slouching down, hoping that no one would sit next to her. Her prayer wasn’t answered when she heard a voice come from her right, </p><p>“Is anyone sitting with you?”</p><p>Looking up, she was met with a pair of striking amber eyes and a partial smile. The girl took the invitation to sit next to Ymir. She kept looking forward, while Ymir felt her jaw fall open. The girl had wavy, light brown hair that went down to her chin. She wore a simple pair of blue jeans and white blouse. Ymir took in her beauty and gulped it down, when she saw the girl look at her. </p><p>“I’m Hitch and you are?” She extended her hand, waiting for a handshake from Ymir. </p><p>“Uh-” Wiping off her hand on her pant leg, Ymir stuck out her hand and shook Hitch’s, “Ymir. It’s nice to meet you, Hitch.”</p><p>Hitch smiled at the stuttering brunette and looked her up and down. She looked pleased with what she saw, but turned forward to watch the bus drive away from the school. Ymir thought to herself how she was going to get this girl’s number before she left the bus and wasn’t coming up with any good lines. </p><p>Feeling her face go flush, she turned to Hitch and struggled to get her words out,</p><p>“Are you new here?”</p><p>Hitch looked at Ymir with a bored look and nodded. Still determined to get her number, Ymir thought of a service she could offer. </p><p>“I’m like the to-go person for math help here, so do you want my number just in case?” Giving her a pained grin, hoping that she’ll take the bait. </p><p>“Yeah, sure why not?” Hitch opened up her phone to the contacts app and handed it to Ymir, while she took Ymir’s phone and entered her phone number. Hitch put a little red heart next to her name and then gave back Ymir’s phone. </p><p>“This is my stop, I’ll see you later, I guess?” Ymir nodded at her, the flush on her face, growing bigger with each moment. </p><p>“I’ll text you!” Her lips moved involuntarily, yelling the words at Hitch before she could process what she was doing. </p><p>The girl just smiled and shook her head at Ymir and got off the bus. Ymir felt like she had won a million dollars and that she could take on the world. Somehow, she was able to get the phone number of the prettiest girl she’s seen in a while. </p><p>The bus finally made its way to Ymir’s neighborhood, where she finally got off. On the high of getting Hitch’s number, she was bouncing on the heels of her feet while she walked home. Everything was fine until she saw an oddly familiar car sitting in her driveway. From the excitement of meeting Hitch, Ymir had forgotten that she had to see her father today. From inside the car, Ymir could see her father waving her over to get into the car. Making her way over to the car, Ymir thought about what would happen if she had just ran inside and didn’t go with him. </p><p>“Hi Ymir, long time no see,” her father says as she sits down in the passenger seat. Ymir gave him a nod as a hello and the car quickly sped off. The two stayed in silence, while her father drove to the closest restaurant. </p><p>Finally in the car, the two made their way into the restaurant and sat at the closest booth. The air was tense, not knowing who would snap first. Ymir hadn’t seen her father in roughly four months and had limited contact with him. It wasn’t an occasion that she was looking towards. </p><p>“Grades look good,” his voice muffled by the menu in front of him. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s been a tough year. I’ve been doing a lot of tutoring too,” Ymir didn’t bother to look up. She knew that he wouldn’t look her in the eyes, not after hitting her. </p><p>“I bet. Still want to study space?” He finally took the menu away from his face, his dark brown, almost black eyes staring through Ymir. </p><p>“If I do well in physics this year, but who knows? How have you been?” Mustering up the courage, Ymir finally looked him in the eyes. Pounding went through her chest, her grip on the menu lessened as her palms grew sweater, it was an anxiety attack. </p><p>“I’ve been okay. Missed you. Work’s been tough,” He finally looked back down at the menu, the pounding in her chest went down a little bit, but was still uncomfortable. </p><p>The two continued that way throughout the dinner, sharing bits and pieces of information. Once they were done eating, Ymir’s body felt like she had run a marathon. Her chest sore from a racing heart beat, muscles sore from being tense and rigid, and a stomach sore from anxiety. She wondered to herself how she would be able to walk back to the car or work on homework later that night. </p><p>Once they were back in the car, Ymir noticed that he was taking a long route home, this could mean only one thing.</p><p>“We need to talk,” his voice turned dark, Ymir knew how this ended. The yelling, that would come next. </p><p>“I’ve been going to church recently. I know you’re gay and you’re so proud of it, but I’m not. You say that you didn’t choose this, but you did. You choose to be like this and now you want others to accept you? This isn’t your world Ymir, you can’t pick and choose what people have to accept about you. I don’t have to accept you if I don’t want to. Honestly, I think this all comes from your perceived trauma of the divorce. Or maybe because you’re depressed, I don’t know. All I know is that if you really were gay, I would have noticed it when you were a child. I was an amazing father and you treat me like absolute shit. You act like I was never there and I never provided for you. You are an ungrateful child and you will learn to be a good child. Now, I want you to come to church and learn how to be a real woman. You’ll meet this nice boy, I’ve told him about you and I’ve shown pictures. He has offered to teach you how to like men. You will come with me on Sunday, okay?”</p><p>Ymir had always known that he wasn’t accepting of her, but she didn’t know it was this bad. Her mouth opened and closed in shock until she finally put words together. The words have been ready in her head for years now like a loaded gun. </p><p>“I’m the one in the wrong?” Her voice was chillingly quiet until she was ready to shout these words at this ungrateful man.</p><p>“I’m the one in the wrong?! Do you understand how bad of a father you are? You ABUSED me! You’ve hit me before. You spent my whole childhood manipulating and gaslighting me. I was a perfectly good child! I was happy and I was bound to be a happy and wonderful person, but you broke me! You ruined an amazing child because you are the sickest person on this earth. You get off on ruining people. You get off on hurting people. You are so self centered that you can not even comprehend any empathy. No father can be as bad as you. You hit me. You ruined me. You cheated on Mom and abused her. Now because of you, I will be a broken person for the rest of my life. No one will ever love me because of what you did. You should burn in hell for what you’ve done. Hell! If you died today, I wouldn’t bat an eye! I wouldn’t care!”</p><p>The car was silent as they pulled up in Ymir’s driveway. Her lungs gasped for air after she realized what she had done. A smile crept along her lips knowing that she has finally told him off after years of keeping it in. </p><p>“Ymir,” her father turned to her, his eyes pleading for her to listen. </p><p>Ymir grabbed her bag and opened her door, then turning to look at him and she opened her mouth, </p><p>“John, go to hell you bastard,” Getting out of the car and slamming the door shut, Ymir made her way to her house and went inside. Her mother knew not to ask questions after time with Ymir’s father, but the stomps of her feet made her mother realize it went worse than usual. Once Ymir made it into her room, she slammed her door shut and jumped on her bed. </p><p>Once she was in bed and knew that her mother wasn’t coming to check on her, she felt the tears finally coming out. Ymir hugged her knees to her chest as she sobbed. She knew her father didn’t love her, but today only confirmed it. Ymir had known for years that she would have to eventually stop talking to her father, but she didn’t think it would hurt this much. It didn’t hurt because she loved her father, it hurt because she wanted to be loved by someone. She just wanted to have a good childhood and now that the door was closed on her father, the option of having a good childhood was gone too. </p><p>The chime of a text awoken Ymir from her slumber. She hadn’t noticed that she fell asleep while crying. Searching for her phone, Ymir let her eyes readjust to being awake before turning on her phone. The text was from Sasha, it read:</p><p>“Hey, you haven’t texted me to tell me how things went with your dad, so I thought to check on you. If you don’t want to talk, that’s okay.”</p><p>Ymir was thankful to have friends like Sasha and Connie, but she didn’t have the energy to respond to her friend. Setting her phone aside, she went back to laying on her back, staring at her ceiling. She counted the dots on her ceiling, trying to clear and regroup her head after today’s events until she heard someone calling her on the phone. Looking at her phone, she saw that Historia was the one who was calling. Her finger lingered over the cancel button, until she decided to actually pick up. </p><p>“Hey! Didn’t think you would actually pick up!” Historia’s face lit up on her screen, while Ymir’s camera faced the ceiling of her dark room. </p><p>“Hi, so why did you call?” Ymir finally sat up in her bed and took her phone to look at Historia.</p><p>“I was wondering if you were okay with me tagging along with you and Connie afterschool on Wednesday. I can just meet you at the library and wait for you. He didn’t seem happy about it.” Historia was biting her lip nervously while she struggled to look at the camera. </p><p>“No, it’s okay, don’t worry about them. Sasha and Connie are just worried about me tutoring you after everything that happened between us,” Ymir watched as Historia’s eyes widened in response, knowing that probably didn’t help the situation. </p><p>“Oh, I don’t blame them. If I was in their situation, I would be worried too,” Historia took a gulp before talking again, “Do they or you, hate me?”</p><p>Ymir’s eyes widened, she wasn’t sure what to say. She spent years crying over Historia and was unsure why she left her, but did she hate her? She doesn’t think that she ever hated her, but was just sad and angry. </p><p>“I don’t,” Ymir whispered, barely audible to Historia. </p><p>“Wait, what did you say? Your audio cut out. Could you repeat that?” Historia’s eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure out what Ymir might have said to her. </p><p>“Oh sorry, I said they don’t. They may act all tough and mean, but they’re just worried. I mean they were there for me when you left. They built me up again and they don’t want to watch me go through that again.” Ymir flashed a nervous smile at her, hoping that she didn’t notice that different answers. </p><p>“Okay,” Historia still looked confused at Ymir, but decided to leave her be, “that’s good to know. So, we’re good for Wednesday?”</p><p>“Yup! I’ll see you then,” Ymir smiled at Historia, while she ended the call. Laying back down on the couch, she thought to herself how big of a bullet she had just dodged. Of course she didn’t hate Historia, but she couldn’t forgive her for what she had done. Historia left her for no reason and still hasn’t given her an explanation. She could pry one out of her on Wednesday, but is it really worth the time and exhaustion? Ymir shook her head as she forced herself out of bed. </p><p>Ymir made her way to the kitchen, waving hello to her mother. She grabbed a bite to eat and then went back to her room for the night. Her mother knew it was better not to bother Ymir after outings with her father, so she let her be. Ymir spent the rest of her night throwing herself into her schoolwork, ignoring what had happened with her father earlier that day. Her phone chimed, forcing Ymir to break her focus and pick up her phone. It was a reminder that she had therapy after school tomorrow, she smiled knowing that she finally had something good to talk about. </p><p>~</p><p>The morning alarm awoke Ymir with a startle, her left arm went searching for the source of noise to turn it off. After letting her heart rate slow down, Ymir searched for her glasses. Putting them on, she looked for a towel and some clean clothes before heading to her shower. Once she was out, Ymir threw on her clothes as fast as possible. She allowed herself to sleep in today and couldn’t afford to waste any time. Finally dressed, Ymir ran into her room, checking the time and saw that she had ten minutes left before she left. Grabbing her bag, she checked to see if everything was in there and ran towards the kitchen for food. While heating up a breakfast burrito, she found some deodorant in her bag to apply before she forgot for the day. The microwave chimed to let her know it was ready and Ymir was out of the door in a second. Making her way onto the bus, she caught a glimpse of the girl from yesterday. Pushing through the crowds at the bus stop, she planted herself next to Hitch. Hitch took one look at her and turned back to her phone mumbling, </p><p>“You know your shirt is inside out, right?”</p><p>Ymir looked down, confirming the fact that her tag was sprouting out just below her chin. She flashed a smile at Hitch, while she searched for the hoodie she kept in her bag. Finding the hoodie, she threw it over herself, making sure that it was on the right way this time.</p><p>“Thanks about that. So, how are you?”</p><p>Hitch looked at her, blinking slowly to emphasize that she wasn’t interested or hadn't had her morning coffee. </p><p> “Well, I’m gonna take that as a no. So, I was wondering if you would want to grab coffee with me one of these days? Like a date?” Ymir smiled at her, feeling the blush travel along her freckles, engulfing part of her face. </p><p>“Ymir, I bet you’re lovely, but I’m straight,” Hitch went back to looking down at her phone.</p><p>Feeling like someone had punched her in her stomach, Ymir just nodded at Hitch and found her earbuds. Shoving them in her ears quickly, praying that the girl wouldn’t notice how disappointed she was. Ymir stared at her feet until she felt a tap on her shoulder. Looking up, it was Hitch. </p><p>“I would like to grab coffee as friends. Plus don’t worry, you’re not the first girl I’ve rejected since coming here. Maybe I could set you two up.” Now that sparked Ymir’s attention. Ymir knew all of the open gay kids at school, they were either her friends or people she didn’t like. </p><p>“That would be nice and who asked you out already? Who was faster than me?”</p><p>Hitch just laughed at Ymir’s jealousy and shook her head at her, </p><p>“Oh, this blonde girl. You probably know her.”</p><p>“I should have known. Of course Annie would have asked you out,” Ymir laughed and comforted herself, knowing that one of the gay kids she didn’t like, got rejected. </p><p>“I’m not sure if her name was Annie, but then again I am new here,” Ymir didn’t know any other blonde gay kids, so she assured herself that it was Annie. </p><p>The two waited in silence for the bus to pick them up. Eventually, the bus came and the two made their way to a seat, sitting next to each other. Hitch and Ymir conversed quietly about their lives until the bus arrived at school. Ymir found out that the two of them were quite similar. Hitch’s parents were also divorced, however they had a smoother one than Ymir’s parents. Hitch’s mom cheated on her dad, so the two bonded over trash talking the bad parent. Once they made it off the bus, the two waved goodbye and walked separately to their classes. </p><p>The day quickly went by and before she knew it, Ymir was on the bus again and saw Hitch making her way to Ymir’s seat. Hitch threw her backpack onto Ymir’s lap and sat down next to her. Ymir, stunned from the backpack being thrown at her, didn’t register the words that Hitch said to her. </p><p>“The blonde, who asked me out, I think her name was Hillary or something. You know any gay Hillary’s?</p><p>“Uh, I think you’re still talking about Annie. There are no gay blondes with H names.” Ymir tried to think about all of the people who Hitch could be talking about. </p><p>“Well, it doesn’t matter that much. I still think I should set you two up, she has a kind of damsel in distress vibe and I feel like that’s your type.” Hitch laughed as she picked up her bag from Ymir’s lap and patted her on the arm. </p><p>“Look, it’s cute being the savior, especially when you got some nice muscles like me,” Hitch just raised one eyebrow at Ymir, not buying it. </p><p>“I bet you have some muscles Ymir, but that’s beside the point. She’s pretty sweet, I’ll set you up on a blind date.” </p><p>“Hitch, I appreciate that, but I don’t really have the time or energy to date right now. My life is too crazy and hectic already. I don’t want to bring someone into that,” Ymir thought to herself that she would love to have a girlfriend, but she had enough stress from school, work, and Historia, that dating didn’t seem worth the stress. </p><p>“Jeez Ymir, trying to act responsible. I guess I’ll have to break the bad news to the girl. She sounded excited when I mentioned a blind date between the two of you.” That perked Ymir’s interest, but reminded herself that girls weren’t worth her energy right now. </p><p>The bus made its way to Hitch’s neighborhood and she said goodbye to Ymir. Within a couple of minutes, Ymir’s neighborhood was in view. Making her way off of the bus, she told the driver to have a nice day and walked towards her house. Her mother worked from home on Tuesdays and was able to bring her to therapy after school. </p><p>Walking through the door, she waved at her mother, hoping that she was ready to go now. Grabbing the keys, her mother and Ymir made their way to the car. Once they were in the car, Ymir waited for her mother to get off of her phone call, so they could chat a little bit before therapy. Finally, Ymir heard her mother say goodbye to whoever she was on the phone with and turned to Ymir for a moment.</p><p>“How was school?” Her mother asked, keeping her eyes mainly on the room, occasionally glancing at Ymir. </p><p>“Pretty good, it went by super quick. Also, I have another tutoring session after school on Wednesday if you can pick me up around 7?” Ymir asked, hoping her mother would be free to get her. </p><p>“That’s nice to hear and I’ll be able to grab you. Will it be the same kid as last time?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m hoping that I’m helping them get their grades up.” Her mother nodded at her in response, while they pulled up at the building. The two of them left the car, making their way into the building. Once they were in, it was only a short walk to the office. Finally in the office, Ymir saw that her therapist was waiting for her. </p><p>“Hope we didn’t keep you waiting,” her mother laughed it off as Ymir and her therapist, Lindsey, made their way to her personal office. </p><p>“No ma’am, I just got out here. See you at the end of the session!”</p><p>Ymir and her therapist walked back to her office, exchanging pleasantries, until they sat down. Sitting on the leather couch, Ymir crossed her legs and rubbed her thumbs together to calm herself down. Her therapist watched her for a little before speaking up, </p><p>“So, what’s bothering you today? You look very stressed out.” </p><p>“I saw my dad yesterday. It didn’t go well. And remember that girl I’ve told you about, the one who randomly stopped talking to me? Yeah, I have to tutor her now.” Ymir looked up from her hands at her therapist, unsure of where to start.</p><p>“Wow, that’s a lot. Do you want to start about your dad or Historia?” Lindsey let her take some time before answering. Ymir wasn’t sure what was easier to talk about, but the thing with Historia will probably last longer. </p><p>“Historia.”</p><p>Talking about Historia took up the majority of the session as Ymir’s therapist listened to her ramble on and on about how she’s been feeling about Historia. She felt conflicted that she wanted to have a friendship with her again, but couldn’t bring herself to admit that. She was scared of opening up to Historia and then her running away from her again. </p><p>“I think when I was younger, before Historia left, I think I had developed some feelings for her. I’m scared that if we keep talking, then those feelings will come back,” Ymir took her face into her hands, trying to figure out what she should do. </p><p>“What would you do if those feelings came back?” Her therapist asked her, pushing her to dig deeper. </p><p>“I would probably leave her or at least distance myself. At least until those feelings went away.” Ymir looked up to see her therapist looking at her with a “No, you did not say that” look on her face. </p><p>“Ymir, that won’t solve anything. If those feelings do come back, I can guarantee that it’ll only make it worse. I mean, you’ve done this before with others. You can’t keep repeating a cycle.”</p><p>“I know. I really do get that, but this is different.”</p><p>“How is this any different than anytime before? Because she left you and you didn’t leave her?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. She left me for no reason and at this rate, I’ll never figure out why.”</p><p>Her therapist took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say. She knew that Ymir was tough to work with when she got defensive like this, but how else was Ymir supposed to grow and change?</p><p>“Then ask her. And if she doesn’t tell you, ask her again. I bet she wants to tell you, Ymir. It sounds like she wants to be your friend again, so give her the room to be honest with you and tell you what happened.”</p><p>Ymir nodded at her, barely even considering that before. She had assumed that if she tried to ask Historia what happened, then she would just clam up and not talk to her. Thinking to herself, she considered it was worth the shot. The session quickly finished up with Ymir talking a little bit about her father, and she decided that she would save the rest of it for next week. Ymir said her goodbyes and made her way to her mother, before leaving the building and heading home. </p><p>Once the two were home, they quietly ate dinner, talking briefly about what had happened between Ymir and her father the day before. Her mother wanted to know why it had ended so badly, but Ymir could barely bring herself to be honest with her mother about it. She didn’t want her mother thinking that she is a bad person. Ymir was afraid that her mother would see her father inside of her and decide to hate her for that. </p><p>In her room for the night, Ymir’s hand hovered above her phone. She wanted to text Historia and ask her why she had stopped talking to her, but decided that she didn’t have the energy to talk about that tonight. Still wanting to text Historia, she sent her text asking her if she was busy. After waiting for a couple of minutes, she heard her phone chime in response:</p><p>“Hey, I’m not busy, what’s up?”</p><p>Ymir didn’t know what to say, she hadn’t thought past actually texting Historia and having a conversation with her. Swallowing her pride, she decided to ask Historia if she was in a mood to meet up and walk around since there was still a little bit of light out. Luckily, Historia agreed and said that she would be over in fifteen minutes. </p><p>After roughly fifteen minutes, Ymir got a text from Historia, telling her that she was outside of her house. Carefully making her way out of her room, Ymir snuck past her mom and towards the door. Opening the door as quietly as she could, Ymir slipped through the little opening that she made for herself. Once the door was finally shut, she closed her eyes, steadying her breathing.</p><p>“Jeez Ymir, why are you acting like you haven’t snuck out before,” said a snarky voice that came in front of her. </p><p>Opening her eyes to see who the snarky voice came from. She was greeted with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile, all belonging to the short blonde standing in front of her. Crossing her arms in front of her body, Historia looked at Ymir, waiting for her to say something.</p><p>“Where do you want to go?” Ymir asked, beginning to regret asking Historia to meet her here. </p><p>“I’m fine with just walking around,” Historia looked her up and down, trying to figure out why she may have asked her to come. </p><p>The two of them walked together, mainly in silence, while the sun set. After ten minutes of walking, Ymir found a bench where they could sit. Once she sat down, Ymir could feel her leg start bouncing automatically. Historia looked down and put her hand down on Ymir’s knee, rubbing it with her thumb. That helped Ymir feel better about the situation, but was still scared to open her mouth.</p><p>“Why did you want me to come?” Historia kept her hand on Ymir’s leg, now looking into her eyes, waiting for a response.</p><p>“I had therapy today,” Ymir swallowed her pride as she struggled to keep Historia’s eye contact.</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t know you went to therapy too,” Smiling at Ymir before continuing, “how did it go?”</p><p>“Good. I talked about you.”</p><p>Ymir watched Historia's face drop. She realized that she didn’t set up the confession right and would have to fix it or this wouldn’t end well.</p><p>“No, not like that. All of this has been very confusing, you know? She wanted me to ask you why you stopped talking to me.” Historia’s eyes widened hearing that. Ymir felt Historia grip her knee harder, she knew that she may have sent her into a whirlwind of panic.</p><p>“I can’t talk about that. At least not now,” Historia took her hand away from Ymir’s knee and diverted her look elsewhere. Hearing those words just lit a fire in Ymir’s heart, it took everything in her not to leave at that very moment. </p><p>“Of course you can’t,” Ymir gritted her teeth, trying to stop herself from yelling, “Why would I have thought you would open up for once? Jesus, I genuinely thought that you missed me! Maybe if you really missed or cared about me, then you would tell me why you left!”</p><p>Taking her head into her hands, Historia took a couple of shaky breaths, before looking at Ymir. Ymir saw tears starting to form in her eyes.</p><p>“Ymir, I want to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you ever since we stopped talking, but I couldn’t. However, I’m in therapy as well and I’ve been working with my therapist to talk to you. It’s just a lot. The reason isn’t because I got mad at you, or I didn’t care about you. It’s a lot and I’m afraid that you won’t want to be my friend again if I tell you.”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Ymir nodded at her and tried to figure out what she could say back. It wasn’t the response that she wanted, but it seemed genuine. Maybe Historia felt like there wasn’t enough trust between them as well? </p><p>“I’m sorry for yelling at you, it’s just that it’s been five years. If you feel like there isn’t enough trust between us right now, how about I share something with you?” Ymir looked at Historia for approving, seeing her nod and smile was enough.</p><p>“I’m in therapy because my dad’s abusive. Apparently, all of the yelling and manipulation is emotional abuse and not just his way of parenting. It messed with my head really badly and considerably scarred me. One of my biggest fears is that even if I come out of therapy a better person, I’ll still be unlovable because of the trauma I’ve endured.”</p><p>Historia smiled at Ymir and took her hands, holding them gently, as if she’s afraid of spooking a wounded animal. </p><p>“I’m in therapy because of trauma as well. I’m not ready to open up about the specifics, but I feel like I’ll never get my happy ending too because of it. Also, I’m in therapy to help with my depression. I tried to kill myself a couple of times over the years, but I’m better now. In fact, I’m a year and 4 months clean, which is crazy.” </p><p>Ymir felt tears streaming down her face as she grabbed Historia and hugged her as tightly as she could. She never knew that Historia tried to kill herself and felt guilty that she wasn’t there for her. Thinking about what would have happened if Historia died and Ymir never got to talk to her again, only made her cry more and hold her tighter. Ymir felt as if she didn’t hold onto Historia as tight as she could, then she would lose her again, maybe permanently. </p><p>Historia moved her arms so that she could hold Ymir’s head with her hands, gently moving her fingers through her hair. She prayed that the hug would never stop, letting her body melt in with Ymir’s. Her chest tightened as Historia realized how much she actually meant to Ymir, even after all of these years. Pulling away to look Ymir in the eyes, Historia tenderly wiped away the tears streaming down her face.</p><p>“I’m alive, you big dummy. I’m okay now, there’s no reason to cry,” Historia pulled Ymir back in, resting her head against her shoulder. </p><p>Still crying and gasping for air between each word, Ymir started to respond,</p><p>“I know, I’ve just missed you. It just breaks my heart that I couldn’t have been there for you.”</p><p>Stroking her hair, Historia whispered into her ear, </p><p>“It’s okay, Ymir. All that matters is that I’m here now, with you.”</p><p>The two of them stayed like that, clinging onto each other for dear life until Ymir calmed down and was ready to go back home. Walking back to Ymir’s house, Historia threw her arm around the brunette’s waist, pulling her close to her. Once they arrived, Historia pulled Ymir in a quick hug and then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Before walking away, Historia turned to face Ymir was again and said,</p><p>"I know you think you might be unlovable, but trust me, you're very lovable."</p><p>Ymir stood there, watching Historia walk home. She felt as her hand moved to her cheek, tracing where Historia’s lips were.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hoped you like the chapter! I'm a big sucker for therapy and characters getting help. The next chapter should be out within a week or so. I'm starting a new class, so I'm not sure how much time I'll have, but the next one will follow Historia!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Motion Picture Soundtrack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Closing the door behind her, Historia glanced around to see if her parents were still up. Tiptoeing to the kitchen, she turned on a dim light and grabbed her recipe book. Flipping through the pages, she landed on her chocolate chip cookie recipe. The book made a light noise when she placed it on the counter. Turning around, Historia quickly grabbed all of the ingredients she would be needing. "</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter follows Historia and we find out more about her and her past relationship with Ymir! I hope you like the chapter. It's really long this time, but it is also pretty cute. There is also a lot of talking in this chapter, hope you don't mind! Hope you like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Closing the door behind her, Historia glanced around to see if her parents were still up. Tiptoeing to the kitchen, she turned on a dim light and grabbed her recipe book. Flipping through the pages, she landed on her chocolate chip cookie recipe. The book made a light noise when she placed it on the counter. Turning around, Historia quickly grabbed all of the ingredients she would be needing. </p><p>Quietly measuring out her dry ingredients, Historia took a deep breath, finally calming down after what had happened that night. She wasn’t expecting Ymir to text her out of nowhere, and she wasn’t expecting her to ask Historia if she wanted to meet up. Going into it, Historia thought that they would maybe just walk around and chat about their days, not have Ymir demand to know what had happened between the two of them. </p><p>Historia wanted to tell Ymir what happened, but she couldn’t bring herself to talk about what had happened. Staring at the melting butter, Historia let her mind drift off to a memory, shortly before they stopped talking. </p><p>“Ymir!” The blonde ran up to her friend, tackling her into a bear hug. Pulling her head from her chest, she looked up and saw that the brunette was grinning from ear to ear. The two of them stayed there, holding each other. This gave time to let Historia study her friend’s face. Her eyes darted around, paying attention to every freckle that dotted her face. Looking up into her amber eyes, she noticed how dirty her friend’s glasses were. Reaching up, Historia grabbed Ymir’s glasses off of her face. </p><p>“Hey! Why did you do that?” Ymir squinted at her friend in an attempt to read her face. </p><p>“Ymir, your glasses are so dirty. Let me clean them for you,” The two continued to bicker like an old couple until Historia finally reached up and carefully placed the glasses back on Ymir’s face.</p><p>Sarcastically, Ymir started,</p><p>“Oh my dear Historia, how would I ever repay you?”</p><p>Her eyebrows furrowing, Historia tapped her cheek and looked at Ymir,</p><p>“A kiss would be enough.”</p><p>Ymir rolled her eyes at Historia and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Feeling Ymir’s lips against her skin, Historia felt a blush spread across her cheeks. Once Ymir pulled away, she looked at Historia and had a look of confusion on her face. </p><p>“Did I do something wrong,” Ymir studied Historia’s face for an indicator of what was wrong. </p><p>“No, no, no you’re good. It’s just hot in here, that’s all,” Historia knew that Ymir didn’t buy it, but she led her to Ymir’s room, where the two of them could hang out in private.</p><p>The two of them watched movie after movie together, huddled together in the little pillow fort that they put together. Once they finished their last movie, Ymir and Historia stayed together, neither of them wanting to move. Ymir pulled back slightly to look Historia in the eyes before speaking. </p><p>“Historia,” Ymir started quietly, “do you like anyone?”</p><p>Feeling the blush return from before, Historia looked at the ceiling, trying to distract herself from the heart beat thumping in her chest. She prayed that Ymir couldn’t hear it being that close.</p><p>“Yeah, this boy in my science class. He said he wants to get ice cream with me. I’m afraid he’s going to kiss me, but I haven’t kissed anyone,” Historia lied, hoping that Ymir would leave her alone. However, looking at Ymir, it seemed she looked disappointed.</p><p>“Me too, I’m scared of having to wait forever to have my first kiss,” Ymir started rubbing the back of her neck, clearly nervous about something. </p><p>Historia lifted her hand and placed it on Ymir’s to get her to calm down from whatever that was bothering her. Looking into Ymir’s eyes, Historia started to propose an idea,</p><p>“What if we practiced?”</p><p>Ymir’s eyes widened in shock and Historia took it as a no. Pulling her hand away, she went back to looking at the ceiling. She heard Ymir mumbling something, turning to look at her, Historia swore she saw a small blush form on her tan cheeks. </p><p>“That’s- That’s actually not a bad idea. I wouldn’t mind that,” Ymir chuckled and grinned bigger than Historia has ever seen. Taking that as a yes, the two of them turned so that they were completely facing each other. Leaning in, the two of them pressed their foreheads to each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Historia watched as Ymir’s eyes darted from her eyes to her lips, watching her pupils widen. </p><p>“Do you want to? Or should I?” Ymir whispered, afraid to spook Historia. </p><p>“You can do it. Should I close my eyes now or-” Before being able to finish her sentence, Ymir dove in, catching her lips with her own. Historia’s beating heart deafened her ears, her skin tingled, and it felt as if fireworks were shooting out of her hands. She started to kiss back, but Ymir pulled away. The two of them sat there in silence, with their foreheads pressed together. Opening her eyes, Historia saw that Ymir still had her eyes closed. She studied her freckles this close up before Ymir pulled away. Ymir slowly opened her eyes and when she saw that Historia was bright red and smiling at her, she smiled back at her. </p><p>Eventually, the two pulled away and found another movie to watch. Historia started to feel herself drift in and out of sleep while she laid her head on Ymir’s shoulder. Right before drifting off, she felt as Ymir wrapped her arm around Historia’s waist. </p><p>The butter popping brought Historia back to reality. She took the pan off of the heat and took her head into her hands. It was only shortly after their kiss that Historia stopped talking to her. She regretted leaving her, but knew that there was nothing that she could do now to change it. </p><p>Mumbling to herself as she combined the wet and dry ingredients, Historia spoke softly, </p><p>“If only I hadn’t come out to my parents, then I would have never left Ymir.”</p><p>Once the batter was ready, Historia scooped small balls of dough onto a baking sheet and placed them in the oven. Sitting in front of the oven door, she watched as they rose and baked. She quickly cleaned up before putting the cookies away and going to bed. Climbing into bed, she considered texting Ymir goodnight, but decided against it. Laying in bed, her thoughts raced until a chime from her phone cut through them.</p><p>“You’re really lovable too,”</p><p>It was from Ymir, referencing their conversation earlier about their fears. She smiled as she sent a quick heart back to Ymir and said goodnight. Smiling to herself, Historia thought about they might finally become friends again. Before drifting off, Historia thought of the brunette hugging her and how good it felt to have her arms wrapped around her once again. </p><p>~</p><p>Walking into school, Historia held onto her cookie tin, searching the crowds for a tall brunette, usually accompanied by a shorter bald kid and an even shorter brunette. Making a beeline over to Ymir, Historia tapped on her shoulder, grabbing her attention.</p><p>Ymir’s head turned to look over her shoulder to see who was trying to get her attention. Seeing Historia, she broke into a smile and said hello, also encouraging Sasha and Connie to welcome her as well.</p><p>“Hi… I just wanted to see how you were doing after last night. Plus I made cookies!” Historia opened the tin and showed the contents to the trio, hoping that someone would take one.</p><p>“Oh, I’m good. How are you?” Ymir asked as she took one of the cookies. Once taking a bite, her eyes widened as the cookie melted in her mouth. She forgot how much she loved the Reiss’ baked goods. Smiling at Historia, she motioned for Connie and Sasha to grab one.</p><p>“Can I have one or are these meant for your friends?” Sasha asked as she slowly went to grab a cookie.</p><p>“Of course! Actually, I made them since Ymir and I have our tutoring session afterschool. Plus I’ll be tagging along with Ymir and Connie and I thought it would be nice to bring some sweets at least.”</p><p>Sasha cautiously took a bite, afraid that Historia put rat poison in hers. When the cookie hit her tongue, she was transmitted to a state of bliss. She had never had a cookie with such depths in taste. Stuffing the rest of the cookie in her mouth, she reached for two more.</p><p>“Jesus Christ Historia, that was orgasmic. What did you put in these?” Sasha choked out, in between mouthfuls.</p><p>Nonchalantly, Historia answered,</p><p>“Weed.”</p><p>The three of them choked on their cookies, turning to Historia with a terrified look on their faces. Historia couldn’t hold her bluff and bursted into laughter. Once she was done laughing, she wiped tears away from her eyes. Ymir looked like her soul had left her body for a bit.</p><p>“No, I’m messing with you. I brown the butter, use dark chocolate, and sea salt to give deeper depths of flavor in the cookies. When we were kids, Ymir used to make them with me, except we would burn half of them.”</p><p>Connie and Sasha took time to regain their composure after their possible drugging. Ymir kept her eyes on Historia, grinning ear to ear like she was actually high. </p><p>“You know Historia, if you had actually put weed in them, I would have still ate them. Just in case for next time.” Connie winked at Historia, hoping that she would take the bait.</p><p>“Oh no, these cookies as edibles? The worst idea ever. Last time I did that, I greened out because I thought they were normal cookies when I was high and ate a whole batch. I met God that night actually.”</p><p>Connie and Sasha’s mouths fell open, hearing that. They had always thought Historia was just too good to do anything bad, but drugs? They would have never thought that. </p><p>“Well! I have to get to class! Do you guys want anymore? If not, I’ll save them for later!” Historia waved goodbye to the trio. As she walked away, she swore that she heard a snippet of their conversation.</p><p>“Ymir, you know we don’t like her, but god, those cookies make it really hard to hate her.”</p><p>Historia smiled to herself as she turned into her class and sat down. She waited by herself until the rest of the class started to fill in. Sitting next to her was a familiar face from a few days before.</p><p>“Bad news blondie, she doesn’t want to go on a date.” Hitch turned to look at her phone, ignoring Historia’s disappointmented look on her face.</p><p>“That sucks, but I also had no clue who the girl was. You couldn’t remember her name.”</p><p>“I don’t know, it was something like Yvonne, I think. She was hot though, had nice muscles, and a kind of savior vibe. I feel like you would dig that.”</p><p>“I appreciate it, Hitch, but I have enough on my plate right now,” Historia turned to the board, awaiting the teacher’s instructions. </p><p>Historia tuned out for the majority of the day, listening to snippets of conversation here and there. Without noticing, wherever she was, she would scan the crowd for a tall brunette. Once it was lunchtime, she actually found the one she had spent her day looking for. Willing her legs forward, Historia found it hard to walk to Ymir. After this morning, she thought she was making progress with Sasha and Connie, but was still afraid that they hated her. </p><p>Eventually, Historia walked over to Ymir, who was with Connie and Sasha. She stayed a few feet behind them, she hid behind a few freshmen, hoping that they wouldn’t see her. Waiting to gain the courage to talk to Ymir, she overheard bits of their conversation.</p><p>“So, do you know why Historia stopped talking to you? You guys seem awfully friendly if you plan on dumping her once you find out why she left.” </p><p>Historia felt her heart drop into her stomach. Holding back the tears in her eyes, she pushed past the freshmen and ran towards the bathroom. She didn’t care if Ymir found out that she was there or not, she just needed to get away from them. Squeezing past a few kids who were standing in the doorway, Historia made it to the closest stall and locked herself in. She started crying quietly, hoping that no one heard or saw her come in. Thinking of last night and how genuine she thought Ymir was being, only made her cry harder. She sat there, trying to compose herself for a few seconds, until she heard a knock on the door and a familiar voice. </p><p>“Historia, are you in there?”</p><p>She knew it was Ymir immediately, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak to her. Ymir slumped to the ground outside the stall and looked under to see if it really was. She leaned under, trying to find the lock to the door. Opening the door, Ymir came in and sat next to Historia. They stayed silent for a while, before Ymir started to speak. </p><p>“I’m guessing that you heard what Sasha said. I didn’t know you were nearby,” she let out a deep breath, afraid of what Historia was going to say. </p><p>“You’re only talking to me, so you can find out why I stopped talking to you? I thought you missed me too,” Historia whispered as she kept crying. </p><p>“Look, it’s complicated. I can’t explain it to you,” Ymir was staring at her hands, afraid to look Historia in the eyes.</p><p>“No, explain it to me. It won’t matter when I tell you what happened and you leave. Do your worst Ymir.”</p><p>Looking Historia in the eyes, Ymir drew a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to find the right words to say. </p><p>“I’m afraid of us becoming friends again,” Ymir opened her eyes to look at Historia, waiting for her response. </p><p>“Well, you’ve made that really clear now.”</p><p>“I’m not afraid that you’ll hurt me, I’m kind of expecting that. It’s just that I had a crush on you when we were younger and I don’t want those feelings returning. Plus since you’re straight, it would suck even more.”</p><p>Historia’s eyes widened at the confession, she had her suspicions that Ymir reciprocated how she felt. Hearing it now made her heart jump out of her chest. She was afraid of what she would say if she didn’t bite her tongue. </p><p>“I never knew that,” Historia whispered as she took Ymir’s hands, holding them tightly. </p><p>“I do miss you, but you left and it broke me. I’m afraid of us becoming friends and I do something stupid like fall in love with you. I just don’t want to get hurt again. All of this stuff isn’t things that I can tell Sasha or Connie though, so that’s why they said what they said.”</p><p>“Yeah, all of that makes sense. And it wouldn’t be stupid if you fell in love with me, you big dumbie. It wouldn’t bother me.” I want you to fall in love with me, Historia thought to herself. </p><p>“No, it would be stupid. Rule one is don’t fall in love with the straight girl,” Ymir laughed half-heartedly, while her thumb rubbed circles over Historia’s. </p><p>“Eh, I’m not sure about that, but sure,” Ymir studied Historia’s face trying to figure out what she meant by that, but decided to give up. </p><p>“Are we still on for after school or do you hate me now?” Grinning at Historia, Ymir extended her hand out as she stood up. </p><p>“Yeah, we’re good dumbo. I’ll see you soon,” Historia turned to walk away, but felt Ymir grab her arm and pull her back. </p><p>“I actually need to ask you something,” Historia’s eyes widened, afraid of what was about to come next.</p><p>“Okay, what is it?” </p><p>“Do you actually smoke weed or were you trying to look cool in front of Sasha and Connie? If you were, that’s cute.” Grinning at her own comment, Ymir waited to hear her response. </p><p>“How about you come home with me after homecoming and see for yourself?” Historia got on the tops of her toes, pressing her hands into Ymir’s chest, inches away from Ymir’s face as she whispered. </p><p>Ymir’s face blushed bright red across her cheeks. Historia took the opportunity to kiss Ymir on the cheek and walked away. Turning to look over her shoulder to glance once again at Ymir, she saw her standing there, all star-struck. </p><p>Historia heard Ymir call after her and eventually caught up, the two walked together to their next class in silence. Historia waited for Ymir to respond to her proposition or calm down from the kiss, whichever first. </p><p>“My mom won’t be home this weekend, so if you want to come over, then we won’t have to deal with parents. I do need to cancel on Connie and Sasha, they want to go to a party.”</p><p>“Sounds wonderful to me. I’ll need to stop by my house after homecoming if you can drive me. It’ll be like the good ole times.”</p><p>Ymir nodded and waved goodbye to Historia as she stepped into her last class of the day. Historia walked tall, knowing that she will finally be able to have some real alone time with Ymir. Walking into her class, she waved to Hitch and sat down. </p><p>“Jeez, what are you so happy about?” Hitch said to Historia as she sat down. </p><p>Not noticing that she was smiling, Historia brought her hand to her face, tracing her smile.</p><p>“Oh, nothing. It’s just that after homecoming, I get to spend time with an old friend, Ymir.”</p><p>Historia watched as Hitch’s eyes widened and her jaw fell open when she heard the name. Staring back at her, she wondered to herself why she looked so surprised. </p><p>“Shit, how did I forget her name? She was the one who asked me out. I almost set you up with an old friend? Jesus, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Wait, did she say no because it was me or did you forget my name too?” Historia felt a blush creep along her cheeks, while she thought she could have been on a blind date with Ymir. </p><p>“She thought I meant some girl named Annie because she’s the only out gay blonde girl that she knows. But I thought you were out too?” Hitch asked, trying to figure out why Ymir didn’t ask about Historia.</p><p>“Well, I’m not out actually. Ymir thinks I’m straight.”</p><p>“Straight? Jesus, now that’s funny. You should try to make a move on her. You two would make a cute couple,” Hitch started laughing, imagining the height difference between the two. </p><p>“Oh, I doubt it. We used to be best friends, but then we stopped talking in sixth grade. Apparently, she had a crush on me. The only problem is that I never told her how I felt too,” Historia turned to look at her hands, regretting what she did. </p><p>“Why didn’t you? Were you just too scared?” Hitch’s expression softened as she realized that this was becoming a personal conversation. </p><p>“When I came out to my parents, they didn’t take it well. Like they sent me to church every night and made the group pray over me and when that didn’t work, they-” Historia took a deep breath, trying to keep it together. She knew that she would have to tell someone what happened and it was easier to start small with someone she didn’t really know.</p><p>Looking at Hitch, she knew that she could tell her. The expression read as soft and caring. She needed to try to open up to at least someone. Historia knows that this would be easier than telling Ymir. Taking a deep breath, she started to speak.</p><p>“They sent me to conversion therapy. For months. It took on a toll on me, but it wasn’t until they made me bring in photos of my desires that it broke me. I wanted my parents to love me, even if they loved a form of me that wasn’t real. So, I took in a photo of Ymir. My parents never knew I had feelings for her, but I brought in the photo. They made me think that how I felt about her wasn’t love, but devilish feelings. It just got so bad that I couldn’t even look at her without thinking about what they said. It led me to stop talking to her and I never told her why.”</p><p>Hitch’s eyes widened at the confession and then she pulled Historia into a hug. She couldn’t imagine all of the terrible things that her parents put through, on purpose. The two of them continued hugging until they had to pull away and actually pay attention towards her class. </p><p>“I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I do think that Ymir would understand if you told her. From what I can tell, she has a big heart. Plus it seems like she really loves you too, whether you think that or not.”</p><p>Historia smiled back, the two of them turned around and watched the teacher talk. Once the class was over, Historia and Hitch walked together to the black box, where Historia had to meet Ymir and Connie. Walking down the hallway, Historia watched as the back of the brunette got closer and closer. </p><p>“Ymir!” Hitch yelled, waving at Ymir as the two of them made their way down to the black box.</p><p>Turning around, Ymir smiled and waved back as the two of them walked towards her. When Hitch and Historia caught up to her, Historia and Hitch hugged goodbye.</p><p>Whispering to Hitch, Historia started, “Thanks for listening. It means a lot to me.”</p><p>“Wait, how do you and Hitch know each other?” Ymir asked, trying to connect the dots. </p><p>“Oh, we have class together. Historia, we are having coffee together on Friday, right?”</p><p>Nodding at Hitch, she turned around and made her way out of the building. Ymir looked back and forth at Hitch and Historia, finally putting two and two together.</p><p>“Wait, you’re the blonde who asked her out for coffee? You’re gay?!” Ymir’s face flushed, remembering how Hitch wanted her to go on a date with a blonde.</p><p>“I’m not sure how it took you this long to figure it out. You knew that I was obsessed with Anne Hathaway when we were kids. Is Connie in there? Should we head in?” Historia started to walk into the black box with Ymir trailing behind, still shocked. </p><p>Historia’s heart was racing, trying to burst out of her ribs, looking back at a flushed Ymir only made it worse. She stopped walking, allowing Ymir to catch up. Once she did, Historia grabbed her arm and held onto it with both arms, while they looked for Connie. Looking up at Ymir, she saw that her face grew even redder. </p><p>Turning a corner onto the stage, the two of them saw Connie painting what looked like a car. Ymir called for his name, turning around, Historia watched his expression change when he saw Historia holding onto Ymir. She dropped her arm and stepped away from Ymir, hoping that he wouldn’t make a comment about it. Historia didn’t know exactly how Connie and Sasha felt about her, but she knew that it wasn’t good. </p><p>“Hey Historia, you have any more of those cookies?” Connie mumbled lowly, not happy about seeing the display of affection between the two.</p><p>“Yeah, here they are,” Historia reached around into her backpack and brought the tin out, opening it for Connie to grab some. </p><p>Ymir started to work on the “car” with Connie, while Historia found somewhere to sit. She took out her book and began reading, but found it hard to concentrate while Ymir was working. She watched as Ymir tied her hair back into a small ponytail. While she stuck her tongue out trying to keep the lines clean. Mostly, Historia watched Ymir’s arm muscles move and flex as she worked. When Ymir finally caught her staring, her face burnt up and went back to reading. Eventually, the two were done and it was time for Historia and Ymir to go to the library. </p><p>Making their way out of the school, Historia and Ymir waved goodbye to Connie. It was a short walk to the library, but after the events of today, Historia swore it felt like ages. Historia watched her feet as she walked, but she swore that she felt Ymir looking her way a few times. Finally, the two made it into the library and found their way to the study room.</p><p>Sitting down in the study room, Historia got her notebooks out as Ymir started writing on the white board. After a minute or two, Ymir turned around to see if Historia was ready to start their session. Historia just sat there, smiling at Ymir, waiting for her to start. </p><p>“Actually,” Ymir pulled out the chair in front of Historia and sat down, “I want to ask you a question before we start.”</p><p>“Okay, what’s on your mind?” Historia moved uneasily in the chair, not understanding why Ymir was acting weirdly.</p><p>“So you’re gay?” Ymir furrowed her eyebrows, still shocked finding it out. </p><p>“Yeah? What about it?”</p><p>“How long have you known? It must be recent because I haven’t heard of any new gay kids at the school.” Ymir was now staring at Historia, ready to get the answer she wanted.</p><p>“Uh, a while?” Historia swallowed the anxiety that was building in her throat. She was afraid of telling the truth to Ymir and having to tell her exactly why they stopped talking.</p><p>“Like a year or a few?” Ymir kept staring at Historia, waiting for her response. </p><p>“A while.” </p><p>“Like before I knew I was gay or after I knew I was gay?” </p><p>The two stayed in silence, while Historia was trying to make up her mind about what to say to Ymir. She didn’t want to say before because then Ymir would demand to know why she didn’t tell her. She also didn’t want to lie to her, but maybe postponing the conversation would be better?</p><p>“Ymir, I have to be home at a certain time, so can we please start the session?” Historia begged Ymir, hoping that she would take the hint and drop it. </p><p>“Okay then. Are we working on implicit differentiation today?” Historia nodded as Ymir turned around and started working on a problem. </p><p>The session went by mainly quietly until Ymir spoke up, scaring Historia in deep concentration. </p><p>“So, my mom just texted me that she’ll be stuck in traffic. Is there any way I can catch a ride with you?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll text them now. They might try to invite you to dinner with us tonight, just warning you.” Historia reached into her bag, pulling out her phone to ask her parents. She could only imagine what would happen if they actually asked her to dinner and if Ymir said yes. </p><p>“And if I said yes, would you have a problem with that?”</p><p>Historia’s eyes widened at Ymir’s response. Of course she wanted to spend more time with Ymir, but with her parents? That sounded like torture. Historia started panicking when she thought about what would happen if they asked why they stopped talking. </p><p>“Nope,” Historia smiled at Ymir, hoping she didn’t see through the panic. </p><p>“Well, that’s good. My mom said that she won’t be home until late, so it’ll be nice to have a home cooked meal.” </p><p>Historia looked down at her phone when it chimed, seeing that her parents were coming to pick them up and were wondering if Ymir wanted to have dinner with them. Exhaling a deep breath, Historia typed back that Ymir would like to have dinner with them and placed her phone down again. </p><p>The two of them continued to work on problems and would converse here and there, until Historia got the call that her parents had arrived at the library. Leaving the library, Historia waved to her parents and walked over with Ymir. Getting in the car, Historia watched as Ymir was bombarding with a range of questions and greetings when she sat in the car. </p><p>“Ymir!” Mrs. Reiss exclaimed as she turned around in the passenger seat to look at the brunette. </p><p>“Wow, you look at you! You’re all grown up and you look gorgeous!” </p><p>“Thank you Mrs. Reiss. It’s good to see you!” Ymir smiled at the compliment, missing how kind Historia’s parents were to her. </p><p>“Hi Ymir. How have you been?” Mr. Reiss asked, looking at Ymir from the rearview mirror. </p><p>“I’ve been good, just super busy with school.” </p><p>“Oh I bet. Historia tells us that you’re some kind of genius now, especially with math.” Ymir blushed, thinking that Historia has been talking about her with her parents. </p><p>“Okay Mom and Dad, you guys are attacking her. What are we having for dinner?” Historia asked, looking over at Ymir. </p><p>“Oh Historia, we are just being nice. We haven’t seen Ymir in far too long. I’m not sure whatever happened between you two, but it is good you’re talking again.” Mrs. Reiss said, as she looked outside the window at the library. </p><p>Historia started rubbing her hands together, afraid that Ymir would make a comment now. She had wished that her parents wouldn’t say anything like that. She could only imagine what Ymir was thinking right now. </p><p>While Historia was caught up in her thoughts, Ymir grabbed one of her hands, intertwining their fingers together. The two of them continued to hold hands until they reached the Reiss’ house. Once Mr. Reiss turned off the car, Ymir let go of Historia’s hand and started to leave the car. Taking a deep breath, Historia left the car, afraid of how dinner will go. </p><p>Ymir walked in front of Historia, entering the home. Historia could hear her heartbeat thundering throughout her, while she waited for Ymir to find somewhere to sit. Her parents were still cooking in the kitchen, Historia’s mother turned to the girls and offered for them to go up to her room while they waited. </p><p>Walking into her room, Historia turned on the lights and threw herself on her bed. A second later, Ymir was laying next to her as well. The both of them stared up at the ceiling, until Historia pushed herself up to look at Ymir. </p><p>“You didn’t have to come to dinner, you know?” </p><p>“I know,” Ymir sat up, facing Historia, “but I wanted to spend more time with you.”</p><p>Historia’s eyes widened hearing that from Ymir, she opened her mouth to respond, but felt nothing come out. She just smiled at Ymir and went back lying down. The two stayed there, before Ymir decided to speak again.</p><p>“So, why didn’t you tell me you’re gay?”</p><p>Historia kept staring at the ceiling. She knew that she didn’t have enough time to get into it now, but she knew eventually she would have to tell her. Turning on her side to look at Ymir, Historia brushed back her hair away from her face and rested her hand on Ymir’s cheek. </p><p>“It’s a long story. We don’t really have time right now to talk about it.” Historia said as she stroked Ymir’s face gently. </p><p>“You have to open up eventually, Historia. Come on, give me at least something.”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Historia tried to prepare herself to say at least something to Ymir. She kept her hand on her cheek, as a little way to comfort herself. </p><p>“I had a crush on you when we were kids.”</p><p>Historia watched as Ymir’s pupils dilated and her mouth fell open. Ymir didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. Historia swore she was watching the gears turn in Ymir’s head. She opened her mouth to say something back, but was cut off when Historia’s mom yelled for them. </p><p>Walking down to the dining room for dinner, Historia watched Ymir go through a mini panic after finding out that Historia had a crush on her when she was kids. That was how Historia had felt earlier today when she found out that Ymir had feelings for her too. At the table, Historia pulled out a chair for Ymir and sat down next to her. Her parents had already put out dinner and cutlery, obviously celebrating that the two were talking again. </p><p>“Ymir! Thank you for joining us for dinner. It's been too long,” Historia’s mother sat across from the two girls, smiling at the brunette. </p><p>“Yeah, it has been too long,” Ymir softly said, smiling at Mrs. Reiss. </p><p>“Tell us how you’ve been! Catch us up. How’s your parents?” </p><p>Historia knew that this was a sensitive topic for Ymir, so she moved her left hand onto hers and held onto it. Ymir gave her a small smile and turned to her parents, preparing for herself to talk. </p><p>“Well, my parents got divorced a couple of years ago. We don’t talk to my dad anymore, but otherwise, we’ve been good. I’ve been getting good grades in school and I’m hoping to get into a really good college soon.”</p><p>Historia watched her parents take in the news. Their parents used to be good friends when Ymir and Historia were kids, but stopped talking when the two of them stopped talking. Historia had only just found out Ymir’s parents’ divorce a couple of days ago. She could only imagine what they were thinking.</p><p>“Why don’t you talk to your father anymore? If you don’t want to tell us, that’s okay,” Mrs. Reiss quietly asked, obviously curious. </p><p>“Well, you know how I would always say that I wanted to live here because he would yell at me? Turns out that he was emotionally abusing both my mother and I. More recently, he hit me when I was visiting him and that was that. I had to see him on Monday, to keep him sending money, but then he was telling me that he wanted me to go to conversion therapy because I’m gay. I always knew he wasn’t supportive, but this was some next level insanity he had going on.”</p><p>The Reisses went quiet. The only sounds audible were the sounds of cutlery scraping against plates. Historia hadn’t expected Ymir to say anything like that. She didn’t know that he had wanted her to go to conversion therapy. She prayed her parents wouldn’t say anything that Ymir didn’t know. </p><p>“God, honey I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. We can’t imagine what you had to go through. I’m sorry that your father did that to you and your mother.” Historia was relieved to know that her parents hadn’t mentioned the conversion therapy, she hoped that Ymir would just drop it. </p><p>“It’s okay, it’s over now. I still think it’s hilarious that he wanted me to go to conversion therapy. Apparently, he had a boy set up for me and everything. I think it’s insane that a parent would do that to their child. I’m just lucky that my mother accepts me.”</p><p>Historia took her hand away from Ymir and looked at her parents, afraid to see what was on their faces. Sorrow. Her parents barely talked to her about what they put her through, so she didn’t know if they felt bad about it or not. </p><p>“I’m happy it’s over for you, Ymir. Do you go to therapy to talk about what happened?” Historia’s father finally spoke up, taking over for his wife. </p><p>“Yup, every Tuesday. I usually talk about him, but I switch it up when something crazy happens in my life. Therapy has been quite the life saver.” Historia smiled at Ymir, remembering what had happened yesterday. </p><p>“That’s nice,” Mr. Reiss smiled at Ymir before speaking again. “I just wanted to say, I’m so happy you two are talking again. You’re still our favorite friend out of all of Historia’s. We’ve been asking for her to talk to you again for years now, I guess she finally did it.”</p><p>“It was a little hard to get Ymir to tutor me, apparently she quit it a while back. I just got lucky that we know Mrs. Smith and she convinced her to tutor me.”</p><p>“Yeah, that is good. Ymir, homecoming is this weekend right? What are you going to do?” Mrs. Reiss spoke up, startling Historia. </p><p>“I’m going with my two friends, Connie and Sasha. After it though, Historia and I were talking about hanging out at my place.” Historia smiled at Ymir, excited to spend some alone time with her. </p><p>“You’re third wheeling? Historia, why don’t you go with them, so Ymir doesn’t have to be uncomfortable.” Mrs. Reiss was practically begging Historia, probably because she wanted to get a picture of the two of them together. </p><p>“Well, I don’t know if Connie and Sasha would like that. They’re not big fans of me, I’m fine with just hanging out afterwards.” Historia lowered her eyes to her plate, afraid to look at Ymir.</p><p>“I don’t care what they think. I’ll make them suck it up, plus they always end up somewhere else too. They’re also matching, so it’s not like you’ll have to worry about a theme. Actually, how about we match?” Ymir’s eyes lit up as she looked at Historia. </p><p>Historia felt herself begin to blush at the idea of matching with Ymir. Maybe Ymir would wear a shirt or tie that was the color of Historia’s dress. She was so caught up in her head of what they would look like together, that she forgot to respond. </p><p>“Mom, Dad? Can we excuse ourselves since we are done with dinner?” She looked at her parents, waiting for their nods before grabbing Ymir and started to bring her upstairs. </p><p>“Wait,” The two turned around before they started up the stairs, “when should we take Ymir home?”</p><p>Historia glanced at Ymir, waiting for her answer, hoping she’ll stay longer. </p><p>“Would an hour be okay? My mother wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>Historia’s parents said yes to Ymir and Historia started up on dragging Ymir back to her room. When they got into her room, she pushed Ymir onto the bed and sat down next to her. Ymir looked a little startled at how harsh Historia threw her, but knew Historia was about to start talking. </p><p>“It’s not funny to bring up an idea like homecoming in front of my parents when you know that something like that wouldn’t happen.” Historia furrowed her brows, pissed at Ymir for entertaining that thought in front of them. She didn’t want them to be disappointed when they found out she wouldn’t go with Ymir. </p><p>“But I wasn’t joking. I was serious.” Ymir looked at Historia, confused at what she did wrong. Historia felt her face softened before furrowing her brows again, making herself angry with Ymir. </p><p>Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she started to talk,</p><p>“Connie and Sasha hate me. They wouldn’t want me there, I would probably ruin their night.”</p><p>Ymir grabbed one of Historia’s hands and intertwining their fingers,</p><p>“But I want you there.”</p><p>Historia felt that same blush return to her face, she took her hand back from Ymir, and turned away from her. She didn’t believe that Ymir actually wanted to spend more time with her. She knew this was all a ploy to figure out why they stopped talking. </p><p>“You only want me there to find out why we stopped talking. No other reason.”</p><p>Ymir moved on the bed to face Historia. Reaching up, she moved the hair that fell in front of Historia’s face to the side. She kept her hand on Historia’s cheek, gently rubbing it with her thumb.</p><p>“I’ll do a whole proposal for you in front of Sasha and Connie if you don’t believe me. I’ll get a whole stereo and play a love song for you. I’ll go all out. Plus the two of them are probably going to take an edible before homecoming and be super high, we’ll barely spend any time with them. Please go to homecoming with me, Historia.”</p><p>Historia knew that she couldn’t say no to those pleading eyes that Ymir was giving to her. She took her hand off of her cheek and kissed it before grabbing it to lead Ymir to her closet. </p><p>“I have to cancel on Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, but they have each other, so it’s fine. Here’s the dress I got for this year, I’m not sure what you’re wearing though.”</p><p>Historia opened the door and pulled out the dress, putting it in front of her body, letting Ymir’s imagination figure out what she would look like with it on. She was going to wear a rich plum dress that clung to her body in all of the right places. The dress went down to her mid thigh and was strapless. When she first bought it, her and Ymir weren’t talking, but she was praying that this would make Ymir want to talk to her again. </p><p>“Wow,” Ymir had her mouth wide open in shock. Historia thought she saw a blush start to form on her cheeks. </p><p>“Have you gotten your clothes yet? If you need to get them, I can probably cancel on Hitch and we can go before the game on Friday.” Historia asked a dumbfounded Ymir, waiting impatiently for her answer. </p><p>“Oh, I definitely need to go. I have dress pants and a dress jacket, but I could get a dress shirt and tie that matched. Are you gonna be cold in that dress?”</p><p>“If I do get cold, you’ll just give me your jacket. Simple as that.” Historia put the dress back in her closet and led Ymir back to her bed. When Ymir sat down, Historia took the chance to sit on her lap. Sitting down, she enjoyed the show that was the range of emotions on Ymir’s face. </p><p>“I’m wondering how you’re going to do your hair,” Historia said as she started messing with Ymir’s hair. She was putting it in different styles and different parts as Ymir just kept looking at her. </p><p>“I was thinking of slicking it back or tying it up. What do you think I should do?” Ymir said as Historia kept messing with her hair. </p><p>“Give me a second, I’m gonna grab a few things,” Historia got off of Ymir’s lap and grabbed a brush and a few hair ties. </p><p>“Hmm, let me see how you would look.” Historia sat back down on Ymir’s lap and started to brush her hair back into a ponytail. </p><p>“I like the ponytail on you, but I feel like if you’re going to wear dress clothes, it’s too informal.” Ymir nodded and Historia took her hair out. She brushed back Ymir’s hair, but realized that it would look better wet. Reaching over to a water bottle by her bed, she poured a little in her hands and she wetted Ymir’s hair. Finally, slicking it back all of the way, Historia pulled back to admire her masterpiece. </p><p>“You- You look really good like this, Ymir.” Historia smiled to herself at her creation, but realized something was off. She reached forward and took off Ymir’s glasses. Looking at Ymir, she noticed how much her glasses softened her face and her eyes. Historia felt her chest tighten and then placed the glasses back on Ymir, not without cleaning them first. </p><p>“You think I should slick my hair back? I’ll look stupid if I do.”</p><p>“Ymir, you better slick your hair back or I’m not going to homecoming with you.” Historia crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Ymir. She watched something flicker in her eyes, but couldn’t put a finger on it. </p><p>“Nope. I won’t do it.”</p><p>Historia knew that Ymir would put up a fight about it, but she had to win. She couldn’t go to the dance with Ymir with a ponytail in. Historia smiled slightly to herself, thinking about how much hotter Ymir looked with her hair slicked back.</p><p>Pushing Ymir onto her back, she straddled her hips and leaned down to her face. Inches apart, their noses brushing each other, Historia glared into Ymir’s eyes. Keeping her down with a hand on her chest, Historia started to speak softly. </p><p>“Ymir, I’m not joking. Push your hair back or I’m not going,” Historia basically growled it out. When she saw Ymir nod, she sat back up and got off on Ymir. Ymir sat up a moment later and Historia saw the growing blush on her face. Historia knew the kind of effect that she had on Ymir, but she doubted Ymir saw it as anything more than her teasing her. Sometimes when she saw how flustered she got, Historia wasn’t sure if Ymir had feelings for her or not. </p><p>“So, Friday after school, we’re gonna go to the mall to shop?” Ymir asked, confirming the plans with Historia. </p><p>“Yeah, I’ll find the perfect shirt and tie for you.” Historia put her hands on Ymir’s arms, secretly to feel her muscles. </p><p>“Hm, I better look hot in it.” Ymir laughed and then flexed to show off her point. </p><p>The two of them sat together on the bed, talking here and there, but mainly enjoying each others’ company. Before Historia knew it, it was time for Ymir to leave. Historia held onto Ymir’s arm as they walked down the stairs, seeing that Historia’s mom was waiting to drive her home. </p><p>Once they arrived at Ymir’s house, Historia saw that her mom wasn’t home yet. Historia walked Ymir up to her front door, not ready to say goodbye yet. The two stayed there, in silence, not sure who should say goodbye first. Historia started to go in for a hug when they saw a car pull into the driveway, it was Ymir’s mother. </p><p>“Does your mom know that you’re tutoring me?” Historia whispered, watching Ymir’s mother get out of her car. </p><p>“Ymir, is that Historia I see?” Ymir’s mother was squinting at the two of them. Her eyes quickly turned to the form that was getting out of the car. </p><p>Historia cursed under her breath, wishing that her mother hadn’t gotten out of the car. She just wanted to say goodbye to Ymir quickly and get out as soon as possible. </p><p>“Yeah Mom, I’m actually tutoring Historia. Her parents offered me dinner, so I stayed for dinner.” Historia could feel Ymir tense up right next to her. She didn’t know if this was going to go bad or okay. </p><p>“Hm, okay then. Historia, is that your mother who stepped out of the car?” Ymir’s mother turned her glare to Historia. Historia nodded quickly, watching her mother approach closer out of the corner of her eye. </p><p>Turning to Historia’s mother, she said a quick thank you and went inside her house. Ymir turned to Historia, with a look of panic on her face. Historia quickly threw her arms around Ymir and placed a small kiss on her cheek. Pulling away, she saw a little smile on her face. Historia felt a strange feeling in her chest. Taking a deep breath, she said goodbye and walked back to the car with her mother. </p><p>“Historia, I’m happy that you have Ymir again, she’s really something.” Historia’s mother said quietly as they got into the car. Looking out the window, Historia let herself get caught up in her daydreams. She imagined going to homecoming with Ymir and having them match. She secretly hoped that maybe Ymir would do something that wasn’t platonic with her. Historia knew that she shouldn’t get her hopes up with Ymir, she might get her heart crushed again. </p><p>Arriving back home, Historia said goodnight to her parents and made it up to bed. Taking a quick shower, Historia laid down on her bed in her towel. She swore her room still smelled of Ymir. Looking over to her desk, something had caught her eye. Getting up from her bed and moving closer to her desk, she saw that Ymir had left her hoodie here. Historia picked it up from the ground and brought it to her face. Taking a deep breath, she was flooding with thoughts of Ymir and wondered if Ymir left it here on purpose. She considered texting Ymir and telling her that she had forgotten her hoodie, but decided against it. Historia was going to see her on Friday, so it’s okay if she keeps it for now, or even wears it, right? </p><p>Grabbing socks and underwear, Historia quickly put them on before pulling the hoodie over her head. She wrapped her arms around herself, imagining how it felt if it was Ymir who was holding her. Thinking about Ymir, her thoughts traveled back to when she had managed to slick back Ymir’s hair. She swore that Ymir was able to make her jawline look even more chiseled than before. Biting her lip, Historia imagined what would happen if she slipped up and kissed Ymir “on accident”, would they end up in a bed together or with no friendship. </p><p>Historia shook her head, trying to clear her head from those thoughts, she couldn’t be thinking about Ymir in that way or they would end up not talking again. Going back to her bed, she turned off the lights and got under the covers. Trying to rearrange her sheets, she heard a chime come from her phone. Picking up her phone, she smiled seeing that Ymir had texted her. </p><p>Ymir:<br/>
Hey, my mom isn’t too happy that I lied about where I was, but she’s cooled down. I just wanted to say that I had a really good day with you. I’ll see you soon, goodnight &lt;3</p><p>Historia felt her stomach flutter reading and rereading her words. She brought her phone to her chest, like she was trying to hug Ymir through the phone. Historia typed out a quick goodnight text and placed her phone down. Still smiling to herself, Historia slowly drifted off to sleep, imagining how Saturday will go.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you liked the chapter! I'm really excited to write the next couple of chapters, it'll get more interesting now. The next chapter should be out within a week or so. If you're not from America, homecoming is just a school dance. I just thought I should mention that. Also, I really like to read comments and hear your opinions! Have a wonderful day!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. How to Disappear Completely</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Leaves crunched underneath Ymir’s feet as she walked away from the high school, making her way to a Starbucks where she was about to meet up with Connie and Sasha. She needed to discuss important matters with them and knew it would be better if they did it in a public place.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! Sorry for the longer wait, I've had quite the busy week! I hope you all like this new chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leaves crunched underneath Ymir’s feet as she walked away from the high school, making her way to a Starbucks where she was about to meet up with Connie and Sasha. She needed to discuss important matters with them and knew it would be better if they did it in a public place. </p><p>Turning the corner, Ymir saw the Starbucks come closer into view. Her heart began to race faster and faster, the closer she got. She knew that Connie and Sasha would pass judgment onto her and this wouldn’t end well. She hoped that they’ll take her excuse and not ask more in depth questions. </p><p>Eventually, Ymir made it to the Starbucks. Much to her surprise, Connie and Sasha were already there and had her drink waiting for her. She made up a lie to stay at the school longer than she had to because she knew that they would bug her to talk on the way over, like they did all day long. Pulling a seat out, she sat down next to Sasha and across from Connie. Taking a deep breath, she looked at both of them before talking. </p><p>“You know that I’m trying to figure out why Historia left me. I want her to come to homecoming with us, so that she feels comfortable enough to tell me. Once she tells me, I’m leaving her though.” </p><p>Watching her friends’ expressions, she saw them cycle through shock, anger, and then contentment. Ymir was terrified to hear what they were going to say, she kept her head down until she heard one of them speak up. It took a couple of minutes before Sasha and Connie knew what they wanted to say. </p><p>“Well, we weren’t expecting that when you said that you needed to meet with us after school. But are you sure this is the right decision?” Connie said as they both looked at Ymir, she struggled to meet their eyes. </p><p>“Guys, I need to find out why she left. I think I have an idea, but I need the truth. I’m going to act friendly and when I find out, then I’m gone. Can you two just act nice to her during our dinner and at homecoming? Once we are done with that, then I’m leaving her again. I promise,” Ymir didn’t know if she believed those words, but she knew that her friends needed to hear that to agree. </p><p>Connie and Sasha looked at each, talking with their eyes, deciding if they think that this is a good idea or not. Turning to look at Ymir, Sasha opened and closed her mouth before deciding on what to say. </p><p>“We’ll act nice, but once you get what you need out of Historia, we expect you to stop talking to her. You know what will happen if you two keep talking. You’re gonna get attached and then get your heart broken.”</p><p>Ymir looked at her hands, she knew that her friends were right, but she felt uneasy with them deciding her path for her. She wanted to have a relationship with Historia again, but she knows that it’ll only end badly. Looking up at her friends, she nodded at them in agreement. The three of them stayed in silence for the rest of the time, until Ymir decided that she wanted to go home. Waving goodbye to Connie and Sasha, Ymir made her way out of the Starbucks and started walking towards her house. She plugged in her earbuds and hit play, letting any song start playing. The walk home was relatively short, but feeling as horrible and sluggish as she did, it felt like it took twenty minutes. </p><p>Turning the corner onto her street, she saw that her mother wasn’t home yet. Thankful that she was able to wallow in her self pity without her mother commenting on it. Opening the door, Ymir made it quickly to her room where she could lay down. Feeling a slight chill in her room, she looked around for her favorite hoodie. After a couple of minutes of looking, she saw that it was missing. It was then Ymir realized that she had left it at Historia’s from the night before. </p><p>“Fuck!” Ymir laid down on her bed, wanting to just disappear into the sheets, not having to talk to anyone ever again. Not only had she agreed to go to homecoming with Historia, she agreed to see her after homecoming. Ymir knew there was a part of her that really wanted to go with Historia, but she felt conflicted lying to her friends. Of course, she’s going to stop talking to Historia once she finds out the reasons, but there is a part of her that wants to explore it more. Ymir flipped on her back, staring at the ceiling. She just wanted to know the reason behind Historia’s smile. </p><p>A chime came from her phone in her pocket, pulling it out, she saw that Historia had texted her about Friday and Saturday.</p><p>Historia:<br/>
Hey, I can drive us to the mall tomorrow. I’m also going to grab an eighth for Saturday, hope you like Purple Punch &lt;3</p><p>Ymir couldn’t help, but smile at the text. The Historia that she knew all of those years ago would have never done any sorts of drugs, but everyone changes. She was actually looking forward to free weed and a cute girl. Smiling at her phone, her face started to change, realizing that this might be one of the last times they talk to each other. Ymir shook her head to clear those thoughts, looking at her phone, she knew that she needed to respond to her. </p><p>Ymir:<br/>
yeah, i think i’ve had that a couple of times. do you have a pipe we can smoke out of? if not, i can make us a gravity bong </p><p>Praying that Historia had something they could smoke out of, Ymir was surprised when she got a photo as a response. It was of this swirly, purple bong, that Ymir assumed was Historia’s. </p><p>Historia:<br/>
Hope you have lungs of steel, this one hurts if you’re not careful. I’ll see you tomorrow, dork.</p><p>Ymir laughed at her reply and set her phone down. At least she could have some enjoyable final moments with Historia before they were done for. It wasn’t Ymir’s ideal situation, but it was either lose Connie and Sasha or lose Historia. She knew that it would be easier to lose Historia again, or at least she hoped so. Ymir pushed herself off the bed, forcing herself to focus on schoolwork instead of Historia. Eventually, her mother came home and the two of them had dinner together. Ymir let her mind drift off until it was time for her to go to bed. Laying down on her bed, she couldn’t help herself, but wonder what Historia was doing right now. Like she willed it to happen, Ymir heard a chime from her phone. Turning it on, she saw that the text was from Historia. Clicking on the text, she saw there was a photo, captioned with, “You like it?’</p><p>The picture was of Historia in her dress, Ymir’s jaw dropped, seeing how gorgeous Historia was. Somehow, Historia’s hair was perfectly framing her face, even though it wasn’t styled. The dress hugged Historia in all of the right places, showing off the most beautiful parts of her body. Ymir tried to swallow, noticing how dry her mouth was. She knew this was a bad idea, but Ymir sneakily saved the photo to a hidden album on her phone, where no one else could see. Gathering her guts, Ymir typed out a quick response. </p><p>Ymir:<br/>
wow, i- you look gorgeous. everyone is gonna be jealous of me because i’ll be with the prettiest girl in school ;)</p><p>Smiling at her flirty response, she found the charger to her phone and plugged it in, while waiting for Historia to respond. She quickly set her alarms for the next day and returned to the photo. Zooming in on the photo to look closely at how the dress fit her, Ymir almost didn’t notice Historia’s reply. </p><p>Historia:<br/>
God, you’re such a flirt Ymir. Nice to know that I’ll have a hottie like you by my side, makes homecoming kind of worth it. </p><p>Ymir felt her cheeks burn at the compliment, shaking her head, she knew that Historia didn’t mean it. Once Sunday came, she could be done with Historia for forever, hopefully. Part of her wanted to keep talking with Historia, who knew what could happen. Maybe they could make good on their promise to get married, but was that worth ruining her friendship with Connie and Sasha? She couldn’t answer that now, but she could respond to Historia. </p><p>Ymir:<br/>
you know you don’t need to lie to me. anyway, what time are we leaving tomorrow?</p><p>Historia:<br/>
Right after school, if I remember the times we went shopping as kids, we are going to need all of the time there is. Are you going to the game tomorrow?</p><p>Ymir bit her lip, she knew that Connie and Sasha wanted to go, but this sounds like Historia will be there too. She could just ignore Historia and spend her time with Connie and Sasha, she’ll already be spending all of Saturday with her. </p><p>Ymir:<br/>
yeah. connie and sasha want to go. i’m guessing you’re going?</p><p>Historia:<br/>
Yup! I’ll be with Hitch if you want to say hi. </p><p>Ymir:<br/>
you know, she told me that the blonde wanted to go on the date with me, is that true?</p><p>Chuckling herself, she knew that she caught Historia in a corner with that question. Ymir wondered if Historia knew if it was her or she was just agreeing to seeing anyone. Part of her wished that Historia wanted to go on the date because she thought it was Ymir. </p><p>Historia:<br/>
She didn’t know your name, but she made you out to be a lot cuter than you really are, so I agreed. </p><p>“Ouch.” Ymir said out loud to herself, maybe marriage is off the table, she thought to herself. After exchanging a few more snarky comments to each other, Ymir ended the conversation, telling her that she was going to bed. Hugging her arms around herself, Ymir let herself fall asleep, smiling as she thought about how tomorrow will be. </p><p>~</p><p>Walking into the parking lot of the school, Ymir surveyed around, hoping to catch a glimpse of the small blonde that was about to kidnap her for the next couple of hours. Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around Ymir’s waist, turning around she saw her kidnapper. Even more surprisingly, she was wearing the hoodie that Ymir had accidentally left at her house a couple of days before. </p><p>“That’s- that’s my hoodie?” Ymir furrowed her eyebrows, trying to figure out why Historia would wear her hoodie to school out of all places, especially where Connie and Sasha could notice. </p><p>“Yeah it is. I woke up late this morning and this was the closest thing to me. Come on, let’s get going.” Historia grabbed Ymir’s arm, tugging her along to where her car was. Getting in, Ymir watched as Historia struggled to make the mirrors and seat work best for her height. </p><p>The two of them drove in silence to the mall as Historia was trying her best to remember how to get there. Sometimes, Ymir would look over at her as she was racking her brain to remember what turn to take. Smiling to herself, she thought that she looked adorable like this. </p><p>“Do you have an idea of what you’re going to get?” Historia said to Ymir, keeping her eyes on the road, as they neared the mall. </p><p>“I think I’ll get a grey shirt and then I’ll get the tie to match with your dress. I’m going to grab a pair of grey dress pants too, so that it goes with the shirt. What’s your thoughts?” Ymir looked at Historia, hoping that she liked the idea. </p><p>“That sounds nice. Maybe you should get a yellow pocket square, maybe like a deeper yellow since purple and yellow are complementary colors?”</p><p>Nodding at Historia, the two of them finally pulled up at the mall. Grabbing their wallets, they made their way to the closest store with dress clothes. Luckily for the two of them, Ymir already knew what measurements that fit her the best. She quickly found a pair of pants and a shirt that went well together, as Historia looked for a tie and pocket square for Ymir. Glancing over to where Historia was, Ymir saw how deep in concentration she was in. Not wanting to bother her, she went to the closest fitting room to try on the clothes. Tucking in the shirt, Ymir looked at how the clothes fit her body. The shirt hugged her arms and shoulders, making them look more muscular than usual. The pants fit perfectly both in the thighs and her calves, she also noted how good it made her butt look. Ymir shot a quick text to Historia, having her come over to see if she liked what she saw. </p><p>Ymir:<br/>
hey, your sexy date is in fitting room three and is ready to be seen ;)</p><p>Before she knew it, she heard a knock on her door. Opening it, she saw a flushed Historia with a couple of ties, readying to be tied around Ymir’s neck. Moving aside to let her in, Ymir closed the door behind them. She sat down on the stool and popped her collar to let Historia put the tie around her neck. Sitting like this, Historia was towering above her. Ymir watched as the blonde struggled to make sure it looked nice. Tapping her shoulder when she was done, Historia stood back and admired her work, a small blush started to form on her cheeks. </p><p>“Yeah, you’re definitely my sexy date,” Historia mumbled, barely loud enough for Ymir to hear. Stepping out of the way, she let Ymir look at herself in the mirror. This tie contrasted with the light grey that Ymir had on, but she wondered if it went with the dress. Pulling out her phone, she pulled up the photo of Historia. </p><p>“Do you think the tie matches?” Ymir asked, holding the photo next to the tie as she looked at Historia. </p><p>“Um- I- We can try on the others that I brought. I also brought a pocket square if you’re interested in one.” Ymir sat down again, letting Historia take off the tie and tie on another around Ymir’s neck. Ymir closed her eyes as she felt Historia tug and fix the tie, making it look perfect. Once the hands left her neck, she felt a small kiss on her cheek and warm breath on her ear,</p><p>“All done.”</p><p>Sitting up, Ymir swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. Turning to the mirror, she saw it was a slightly different shade and it looked more like the dress that Historia had. Historia walked next to Ymir and looked at her in the mirror with a confused face. </p><p>“What’s bothering you?” Ymir asked, watching the blonde, seeing if she could get any clues. </p><p>“All of the purples look good with your shirt, but it’s hard to tell if it matches the dress.” Furrowing her eyebrows, Historia stayed there for a little bit, until it looked like a lightbulb went off in her head.</p><p>“I’ll just send pictures of them to my mom since she’s home and she can tell us how it looks!” </p><p>Ymir nodded at Historia’s idea and before she knew it, Historia was taking a full body picture of Ymir without her even processing it. </p><p>“Hey! What was that for?” Ymir reached to grab Historia’s phone, but before she could grab it, Historia was already taking pictures of the ties and pocket squares that she had picked out. Walking back to Ymir, Historia pressed the tie to her chest and took a picture of it. Sending all of the photos to her mom, the two of them sat down in the changing room and waited for a response. While watching, Historia leaned her head on Ymir’s shoulder and looked up at her. The two didn’t exchange words, but they kept smiling at each other until a chime cut through their moment. </p><p>Mom:<br/>
Tell Ymir that she looks handsome! Can’t wait to see you two together tomorrow :) I think the one she has on looks the closest to the dress. I’ll send a photo of it with good lighting!</p><p>“Mom says you look handsome and that she thinks the one you have on is the best one.” Historia looked up at Ymir as she spoke, eyeing the tie. </p><p>“Thanks for relaying the message that I can read with my own eyes. We’re going to look really good together tomorrow,” Ymir gave Historia a small smile as the blonde went back to laying her head on Ymir’s shoulder, waiting for the photo. Eventually, the photo was sent through and the two of them spent a couple of minutes, deciding if the colors were the same. Once the two decided to go with that tie and one of the pocket squares that Historia picked out, Ymir stood up and started unbuttoning her shirt. Hearing a little yelp, she turned to Historia and saw her face bright red as she turned to unlock the door. </p><p>“Chill out Historia, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. It’ll be quicker if you just stay in here.” Ymir chuckled to herself as she watched Historia sit back down, keeping her eyes on the ground. Taking off her shirt, she picked up the hanger and started to put it back on. Before she knew it, Historia was grabbing it away from her and was doing it for her. Shrugging, Ymir decided to take the time to stretch her arms and to give Historia a little arms show. Looking back at her, she saw that Historia was even redder after seeing Ymir flex her muscles at her. Ymir smiled at Historia and felt a strange flutter in her chest, shaking her head, she ignored what she felt as she went to take off her pants. Standing in her boxers and sports bra, she grabbed her sweatpants, pulled them on, and then put her shirt and hoodie on. Looking at Historia, she saw that Historia had already put her clothes back on their hangers and was ready to go. </p><p>Walking out of the changing room, Ymir glanced down at Historia, wondering why she was so quiet. She seemed to be inside her own world and Ymir didn’t want to interrupt her, but Historia looked like she was going to wrinkle all of the ties she was holding.</p><p>“Did you not like my gun show? You look like you’re holding onto those ties with your life.” That seemed to wake up Historia from her daydream. She looked at Ymir before she smiled and shook her head. </p><p>“No, you- you have a very nice body. I was just thinking about tomorrow. I’m nervous to be around Connie and Sasha since they don’t like me. I hope I won’t ruin anything,” Historia hung her head down as they walked back to the table of ties. Ymir grabbed Historia’s hands and turned her, letting them look at each other in their eyes. </p><p>“Connie and Sasha are probably going to get drunk once we get there and then it’ll just be me and you for the rest of the night. You really have nothing to worry about.” Ymir gave her hands a tight, but reassuring squeeze. Just as Historia was going to respond, Ymir heard her name being called from her left. Looking up, she saw Connie and Sasha waving at her. She dropped Historia’s hands as they made their way over. Ymir looked over at Historia, she saw her looking at her feet, staying out of Connie and Sasha’s gaze. </p><p>“Hey! I didn’t know you would be here? What are you doing here?” Sasha asked, furrowing her eyebrows as she looked at Historia. Ymir put her arm around Historia’s shoulder to reassure her.</p><p>“Well, I thought since Historia is my date, I need to match with her. Let me show you the dress she’s wearing,” Turning to Historia, Ymir spoke again, “Historia, why don’t you pull up the picture of what I’ll wear?”</p><p>Historia smiled at Ymir briefly before pulling out her phone to find the photo. Once Ymir pulled up the photo of Historia, she turned to Connie and Sasha with a huge grin on her face and stuck her hand out. Connie and Sasha’s eyes widened at the photo. They may not like Historia, but they can acknowledge how attractive she is. </p><p>“I got a hot date, right?” Ymir grinned at the two of them, like she had just won a million dollars. They just nodded as their jaws fell slightly open, when Ymir zoomed in. Feeling a slap on her shoulder, she turned to Historia, wondering what made her get slapped. </p><p>“Ymir, that picture was only for you. Anyway, here’s what Ymir is going to wear tomorrow.” Historia handed the phone to Connie and Sasha. Their eyes darted between the two photos, trying to see how well they’re going to match. </p><p>“Historia, I gotta be the one to say this, but Jesus Christ you look hot in that dress. You trying to seduce Ymir or something?” Sasha joked as she punched Ymir in the shoulder, congratulating her on her date.</p><p>“I- Well- No, I just thought I looked nice in it. I was originally supposed to go with Armin and it was his idea for me to get this dress.” Historia took her phone back, easing up with the light-hearted talk that was being exchanged. </p><p>“Huh, maybe Sasha and I should have gone to him to pick out our clothes. Well, we have to get going. Ymir, where do you think we should take pictures tomorrow?” Connie said, as he rearranged the bags that he was holding. </p><p>Looking at Historia, Ymir saw slight panic in her eyes. She knew that all of this was a lot for Historia, especially how nasty Connie and Sasha have been treating her lately. At least they are keeping good on their promise to be nice. </p><p>“If Historia’s okay with it, maybe we could go to her house? Her parents have beautiful flowers that we could take our photos near. After that, we can drive to have dinner. Don’t worry, I’ll drive you guys to your party after homecoming since I know you guys will probably pre-game.” Ymir looked down at Historia, hoping that she’ll agree to have them take pictures at her house. She watched her process the idea and then speak to the group. </p><p>“That sounds nice, Ymir. You know that my parents are going to take excessive photos of the two of us, if you’re ready for that.” Smiling at Historia, Ymir turned to Connie and Sasha. She knew that this might be one of the last times that she spends with Historia, but she was ready to have a fun time. </p><p>“Well, I’ll see you guys soon!” Connie said as him and Sasha started to walk away. Once the two had left the store, Ymir turned to Historia, ready to go check out. </p><p>“They were nice. A little too nice.” Historia looked at Ymir, she knew that she would see through the plan, once they started acting too nice. Rubbing the back of her neck, Ymir tried to figure out what to say to Historia. She felt Historia’s small hand on hers as she pulled it off of her neck and intertwined their fingers. </p><p>“I asked them to act nicer to you. I just want us to have a good time together. That’s all I want.” Ymir was telling the truth as she looked into Historia’s eyes. She swore she could spend her days just studying the details of her eyes, how many different shades of blue they can look like, depending on her mood. </p><p>“Let’s go check out, you dummy.” Historia held onto Ymir’s hand as they made their way to the checkout. Ymir quickly paid for the clothes and left the store. Once they were in the car, Ymir slid down in her seat and looked over at Historia. </p><p>“Do you want to do something before the football game?” Ymir asked, praying that Historia would say yes. Historia looked down at her hands for a long time before answering. </p><p>“Yeah, maybe we could grab a milkshake? Like we could split one? Like when we were kids, do you remember what our order was?” Historia smiled at Ymir, her eyes lighting up. </p><p>“Oh yeah, we would always get the chocolate cake one. I wonder if it’s as good as it was when we were little.” Ymir felt the same odd flutter in her chest as she before, but chose to ignore it. Historia quickly pulled out of the parking lot and made it to the ice cream shop they would go to when they were kids. </p><p>“Here we are, Big Gay Ice Cream. I feel like we were bound to be gay after the amount of times we would go here as kids.” Historia laughed at her own joke and looked over to Ymir. She couldn’t help, but smile at Historia. She missed all of the little traditions that they had as kids. The two of them left the car and entered the shop. Ymir found the two of them somewhere to sit as Historia went up to order. Eventually, Historia came over with the milkshake, two straws, and two spoons for the two of them. They both leaned in at the same time to drink it. Ymir just looked into her eyes, smiling, until disaster struck both of them. </p><p>“Jesus Christ, I forgot how cold these are!” Ymir was holding her forehead and Historia held onto her eye. Ymir would always get a brain freeze, but for some reason, Historia would get what she called “a cold eye.” When they were kids, Historia claimed that the only way to make her feel better would be if Ymir put her hand on her eye. Leaning forward, Ymir took her free hand and replaced Historia’s hand. </p><p>“What- What are you doing Ymir! You know you have cold hands!” Historia started chuckling as she felt Ymir give her a tap on her eye. </p><p>“Hey, when we were kids, you would make me put my hand on your eye when it hurt. You said it always helped!” Ymir took her other hand from her head and gave Historia a small punch in the arm. </p><p>“I only said that so I could feel your touch! It didn’t really help.” Ymir took her hand away when she heard Historia confess that she only wanted Ymir to touch her. Looking back, it made sense, but it was still a shock. </p><p>“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Ymir looked at the milkshake, taking a spoonful of it as she figured out what to say. </p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, but if you wanted to hold my eye if I get a cold eye again, I wouldn’t mind it.” Historia kept her eyes away from Ymir, avoiding any eye contact. </p><p>“Sounds like a plan, Princess.” Ymir smiled at her own comment and went back to drinking the milkshake. The two of them conversed lightly until it was time to go to the football game. Cleaning up after themselves, they made it to the car. Ymir remembered that she still had her clothes from their earlier shopping trip. She didn’t want to have to bring them to the game with her. Before she could speak, Historia beat her to it. </p><p>“I’ll swing by your house, so we can drop off your clothes. After that, we’ll go to the game. Do you need a ride home or are you fine?” Historia asked Ymir as she started to pull out. Ymir told her that she was fine and then made their way to her house. After dropping off the clothes, Historia drove to the high school. Once they were there, Ymir waved goodbye to Historia and went searching for Connie and Sasha. </p><p>Ymir spent a couple of minutes looking all over for Connie and Sasha until she decided to give up and lay down on a patch of grass. A soft breeze blew over Ymir, while she laid on the ground. The stadium lights stared right back at her, while she looked over the night sky. She was always so shocked how quickly it got dark during the fall time, especially when it was a football night. Pushing herself off the ground, Ymir saw her two best friends, Sasha and Connie making their way over to her. The two of them brought enough food for an army for the three of them to eat. Ymir knew that Sasha would somehow finish off anything that Ymir and Connie couldn’t eat. It still amazed Ymir that Sasha was so skinny. The three didn’t tend to come to football games often, but since it was the homecoming game, they thought it could be fun. </p><p>“Jesus, you guys really went all out when it came to food this year,” Ymir said in amazement, staring at the feast that was sitting in front of them. </p><p>Sasha and Connie just nodded in agreement before digging in and shoving their faces full of food. Ymir took bites here and there, but was waiting for her two friends to start complaining that their stomachs hurt. Once they finished eating, Connie and Sasha laid on the ground and like clockwork started complaining about their stomachs. Ymir just laughed at the two and told them that she was going to walk around for a little bit.</p><p>Putting her earbuds in, she hit play on one of her playlists and started walking around the game. She saw the little freshmen running around teasing each other. The marching band and colorguard kids fussing over their uniforms and getting ready for half time. But what caught her attention most was the blonde that was walking towards her.</p><p>“Ymir?” Historia turned her head to the side, like she was trying to figure it out if it was the brunette or not.</p><p>Taking out her earbuds, she waved hello to the blonde and jogged slightly to catch up to her.</p><p>“Hey Historia, didn’t think I would run into you so soon,” Ymir pulled Historia in a quick hug as soon as she caught up to her. The two of them had just seen each other, but Ymir was already missing her. She chose to ignore what could be the reason.</p><p>“Are you going somewhere or would you maybe want to walk with me?” Historia studied Ymir’s face, she guessed that she was interrupting whatever Ymir was doing. </p><p>“Oh, I’m going nowhere. I’m waiting for Sasha and Connie to come out of their food comas and that takes close to thirty minutes. A walk would be nice though,” Almost positive that the nervousness came out of Ymir’s voice and was clear to Historia. </p><p>Historia just smiled at Ymir and the two started walking in silence. They would exchange a word here and there about the game, until they came to a little clearing where they would sit down. Historia appeared to be tired when Ymir first saw her after their long day, but it only solidified the idea when Historia leaned her head onto Ymir’s shoulder. Smiling at Historia, she knew that was her Achilles’ heel. If Historia spent too long laying on Ymir, she would be passed out within minutes. </p><p>“Historia,” Ymir whispered as she pushed her blonde hair out of her face, “you know you’ll fall asleep if you lay on my shoulder for too long.”</p><p>Pulling herself off of Ymir’s shoulder, Historia rubbed her face in a failed attempt to make herself look more awake. “Look, I’m just really tired, cut me some slack meanie,” with the delivery of meanie, Historia took it upon herself to punch Ymir in the arm. </p><p>“So, what were you listening to when I ran into you?” Ymir began to answer until Historia cut her off, “Actually, why don’t you just show me?”</p><p>Ymir pulled out her phone, giving one earbud to Historia and keeping the other for herself, she put on Kid A from Radiohead. Motion Picture Soundtrack began to play, while the two gazed up at the stars together. They stayed like that for a couple of moments, just enjoying each other’s company before Historia spoke up once again. </p><p>“Do you still want to study space and find new planets?” Historia turned her body, so that she would be able to look Ymir in the eyes. </p><p>“I think so, it’s just a matter of going to a good college. I can’t believe you remembered that after all of these years,” Ymir chuckled at the feat. It was such a little fact about Ymir that she didn’t mention often. </p><p>“Of course I remembered it. Whenever I would look up at the night sky, I would think of you.” Historia spoke so softly, it was almost a whisper. She gently said the words to Ymir, like she was afraid of them being broken. </p><p>“Do you still want to be a writer?” Ymir inquired in response, looking down to meet Historia’s eyes. </p><p>“If it’s in the cards for me. Also, all of the hard writing courses would be all for nothing if I don’t become a writer.” </p><p>Ymir nodded at Historia, then went back to looking at the game, trying to figure out what was happening. Looking around her, she swore she could feel someone’s eyes on her, but could never find the culprit. After giving up trying to figure out what was happening in the game, she turned back to Historia.</p><p>“Can I ask you another question?” Historia bit her lip, afraid of what answer she would get.</p><p>“Yeah sure, do your worst.”</p><p>“Did you ever miss me when we weren’t talking?” Historia kept her head down, avoiding eye contact with Ymir. </p><p>Ymir took a deep breath and looked at the sky instead. She knew the answer, but she couldn’t be honest with Historia. If she opened up to Historia about actually missing her, then leaving her is going to hurt even more than it should. However, if she doesn’t open up, then Historia may never tell her why they stopped talking. Turning to Historia, Ymir placed her hand on her cheek, gently brushing it with her thumb before she responded. </p><p>“More than anything,” Ymir kept staring into Historia’s eyes, watching the gears turning in her brain. She could tell that Historia had a lot to say in her mind, but her mouth wasn’t working. Ymir just kept her hand on the blonde’s cheek, waiting for her to say something. </p><p>“I missed you too. I’m sorry about everything. I promise I’ll tell you what happened soon, I’m just afraid that you’ll stop talking to me when I tell you.” </p><p>Historia’s words cut through Ymir. Of course she was smart enough to know that Ymir would stop talking to her when she got what she wanted. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Ymir kept her eyes on Historia, hoping that she’ll take that as a confirmation that she’ll stay. </p><p>“I’ll stay, I promise,” Ymir knew that this was a lie, but Historia needed to hear this. Upon hearing the confirmation, Historia’s face lit up and she hugged Ymir. Holding onto Historia, Ymir let herself memorize how she felt in her arms before she never got to hold her again. Pulling back, she decided she wanted to ask her something. </p><p>“So, did you really have a crush on me? Or are you just messing with me?” If Ymir was going to leave Historia soon, then she better at least milk it and find out as much as she wants. She noticed how asking the question made Historia blush and turn her face away from Ymir’s glare. </p><p>“Yeah, back in middle school. It was nothing though,” Historia mumbled, still looking away from Ymir. </p><p>“Middle school? You made it sound like you only had a crush on me during sixth grade. Was it longer than that?” Ymir could have sworn it sounded like Historia only had a little crush on her. Now, it sounds like it went on for a while. </p><p>“Well- I- Yeah, for basically all of middle school. I don’t really want to talk about it though.” Ymir could tell that Historia was clearly uncomfortable. She wanted to know more, but if she kept pushing then Historia would just leave her. There was something so strangely comforting being this close to her. </p><p>“I think it’s a little funny that we could have dated as kids, if we ever told each other how we really felt.” Ymir laughed, hoping that it would have lightened the mood. </p><p>“Well, I told you that I wanted to marry you all of the time. I thought maybe you would get a hint. Also, we were each other’s first kiss.” Historia kept her eyes on the football field, while Ymir’s wandered all over Historia. Taking her in, trying to memorize exactly how she looked under the field lights. </p><p>“I wanted to marry you too.” Ymir whispered as she wrapped her arm around Historia’s shoulders, pulling her closer to her body. The two of them stayed together, as they watched the game. Historia placed her head on Ymir’s shoulder and intertwined her fingers with Ymir’s free hand. The night quickly went by until it was time for everyone to leave. Historia and Ymir stayed together, holding onto each other until Connie and Sasha found them. Ymir knew that they would chew her out for this, but she didn’t care at the moment. However, they were her ride home. </p><p>“Hey,” Ymir gently whispered to Historia, who seemed to have fallen asleep on Ymir. “I have to get going, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She placed a kiss on the top of her head before standing up. Historia quickly followed Ymir and as Ymir started to walk away, she felt two arms wrap around her waist. Turning around, she leaned down and gave Historia a quick hug. Leaving the embrace, she said her goodbyes and walked behind Connie and Sasha. </p><p>Once they made it to the car, Connie drove the three of them to Ymir’s house first. Neither of them bothered to mention what they saw. Making it to her house, Ymir waved goodbye to Connie and Sasha and went into her house. Ymir noticed that her mother had already gone to bed, so she took a quick shower and when she got out, she saw that there was a text from Historia on her phone. Opening her phone, she saw it was a photo of Historia wearing her hoodie to bed. </p><p>Historia:<br/>
Goodnight dumbo, I can’t wait for tomorrow &lt;3</p><p>Ymir felt her face burn, seeing how her hoodie was worn like a dress on Historia. She texted her goodnight and laid on her bed. Ymir heard her phone chime again, looking at it, she saw an odd request from Historia.</p><p>Historia:<br/>
I was wondering if you want to come over early tomorrow and get ready with me? Maybe we can have breakfast tomorrow?</p><p>Ymir:<br/>
i'll see you around nine then, see you soon &lt;3</p><p>Thinking about tomorrow, she wondered if she would ever find out what caused Historia to stop talking to her. It seemed like it was because of her crush on her, but she couldn’t tell. Ymir knew that part of her would regret it if she stopped talking to Historia, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell Connie and Sasha that she’ll be going against what they want. Slowly falling asleep, Ymir let herself imagine what a relationship with Historia could look like, if that was ever possible, even in another life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed it! I've been quite burnout with school and life, so it'll take longer for me to get these chapters out. I am excited to write the next two chapters. I would say expect the next one within a week or two. Like always, I love hearing your thoughts and opinions!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Last Flowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Holding her phone to her chest, Historia felt a rush of warmth cover her chest and face as she smiled up at the ceiling. She was going to be able to see Ymir sooner than she had thought. The idea of having breakfast with her in the morning felt civil, like they were finally moving past their bad times and were becoming friends again. Or perhaps something more than just friends. Staring at the ceiling, she thought about how tomorrow could go. Historia knew that it could go really well or really bad, depending on how Connie and Sasha will be acting towards her. All she wanted to do was to be close to Ymir, but she knew what looks Connie and Sasha would give them. What was the point of going if Connie and Sasha would fake being nice to her, Historia asked herself as she stared off. </p>
<p>In simple terms, the gays go to homecoming and smoke a lot of weed because what else do high schoolers do?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys! Sorry about the late update. This chapter is roughly 11.2k words, so it took me a while to really write it out. I hope you enjoy it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Holding her phone to her chest, Historia felt a rush of warmth cover her chest and face as she smiled up at the ceiling. She was going to be able to see Ymir sooner than she had thought. The idea of having breakfast with her in the morning felt civil, like they were finally moving past their bad times and were becoming friends again. Or perhaps something more than just friends. Staring at the ceiling, she thought about how tomorrow could go. Historia knew that it could go really well or really bad, depending on how Connie and Sasha would be acting towards her. All she wanted to do was to be close to Ymir, but she knew what looks Connie and Sasha would give them. What was the point of going if Connie and Sasha would fake being nice to her, Historia asked herself as she stared off. </p>
<p>Flipping on her side, Historia plugged in her phone before she settled into her bed to drift off to sleep. Her thoughts drifted back to when she was near Ymir during the game. They molded together, watching the ball fly between the teams. Historia eventually snaked her hand over to Ymir’s and intertwined their fingers. She didn’t know how much physical affection she might get tomorrow, but she wanted to milk it and get as much as she wanted at the game. If she was lucky, there was a chance that when they were high, the two of them could end cuddling. </p>
<p>Slowly, her mind drifted off to a memory from when they were younger. It was the first time that the two of them found out there was a way to stay together for the rest of their lives. Historia’s mother had told them that two people get married when they really love each other and they want to spend their lives together. It was a slight shock to her mother when Historia bursted out that she wanted to marry Ymir as soon as possible. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>“But Mommy! I love Ymir and I don’t want to ever leave her!” Historia yelled at her, with tears in her eyes. Immediately, Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia in an act to calm her down. Historia brought her hands up to hold onto Ymir’s. Her mother shook her head and left the two girls together in her room. Once she calmed down, Historia sat on the ground and motioned for Ymir to join her. </p>
<p>When Ymir sat down, Historia grabbed her arm and laid her head on her shoulder. The two girls sat in silence as Historia rubbed circles on Ymir’s arm with her thumb. Eventually, she felt a hand on her face, lifting her head up until she saw Ymir’s eyes looking right back at her. Historia adored looking into Ymir’s eyes. In the sun, they were pools of honey with little pieces of brown floating in them. Even more than her eyes, Historia adored her freckles. They were scattered all across her face and when Ymir allowed her, she could trace lines between them.</p>
<p>“You wanna look at wedding pictures with me?” Ymir asked as she held Historia’s face with her hand. On both of the girls, a grin appeared, bigger than both of them had ever seen before. Historia quickly nodded at Ymir and went to grab a laptop from her living room. When she returned, she saw Ymir waiting on her bed for her. Sitting down, Historia opened the laptop and searched up “wedding photos” as quick as her little fingers allowed her. The two girls looked in awe as they went through the different pictures, trying to find people who looked like them. Eventually, Historia found a picture of a blonde bride and a brunette groom. Ymir made her stop when she saw how similar she looked to the man. </p>
<p>“When we get married, I want to wear a suit. You think I’ll look like him?” She asked as she turned to look at Historia. </p>
<p>“I think you’ll look pretty if you wear that. But what about the kiss? Do we have to kiss to make it official?” Historia asked, looking down at her hands. For some reason, a part of her wished that Ymir would say yes. </p>
<p>“I think we do. Do we practice?” Ymir asked in a whisper, also avoiding Historia’s gaze. Historia felt her cheeks burn up as she leaned in to kiss Ymir, but a second before their lips touched, she turned her head and kissed her cheek. </p>
<p>“Hey! What was that for?” Ymir didn’t seem angry, but she was clearly pissed off. Historia kept her head down, afraid that Ymir was mad at her for not kissing her. For some reason, Historia wanted to kiss Ymir. She couldn’t place the reason for it, but she wanted to kiss Ymir like how all of the brides in these photos were kissing their grooms. Historia wanted to try and kiss Ymir again, but the comment from her mother made her stop. “Girls can’t marry each other,” her mother said. She didn’t believe it, but at the same time, she didn’t want to disappoint her mother. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I got nervous. Can we go back to looking at photos?” Historia mumbled, keeping her eyes away from Ymir. She heard a, “Yes,” come from her side and an arm wrap around her shoulders, pulling her in close. Historia kept her eyes away from Ymir for the rest of the time. Everytime she tried to bring herself to look at her, she heard her mother’s comment come in again and again. The words felt like lightning strikes in her mind, stopping any further thoughts about Ymir from forming. What was so wrong about wanting to be with her? Was it Ymir? Did her mother not approve of her marrying Ymir? Or did she not approve because Ymir was a girl and not a boy? Historia shook her head trying to clear her thoughts. She didn’t understand why she felt so guilty for wanting to be with Ymir, but the guilt was firmly placed in her heart and wasn’t budging. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>An alarm sounded, signaling that it was time for Historia to wake up. Rolling over to check her phone, she saw that it was already 8:30 in the morning and she had roughly thirty minutes left before Ymir was to come over to her house. Throwing herself out of bed, Historia grabbed a towel and ran into her bathroom. Turning on the shower, she quickly slipped in and gave her body a fast wash. Leaving the shower and bathroom, Historia searched for a pair of shorts and hoodie that she could wear. She decided that Ymir wouldn’t mind it if she wore her hoodie for a little longer. Once she put on her clothes, she saw that she only had ten minutes left before Ymir was coming over. Historia knew that she would need to prepare her parents before she came over. Wondering to herself, Historia tried to figure out what could be causing her parents to be so obsessive over her and Ymir. Cutting through the fog in her mind was a doorbell, it didn’t even occur to her that Ymir could show up earlier than she should have. </p>
<p>Racing down the stairs to the front door, Historia had to squeeze herself through her parents to open the door. Once opening the door, she was greeted with a half awake Ymir with a bag thrown over her shoulders. She smiled gently at Historia and then greeted both of her parents. Shoving her parents aside, Historia grabbed Ymir’s hand, pulling her up the stairs into her room. Once the two girls were in her room, Ymir threw her bag on the ground and collapsed on the bed. Historia chuckled to herself, knowing that Ymir hadn’t changed and that she still wasn’t a morning person. It was a miracle that she had even agreed to come over. Historia walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Ymir. She started to stroke the brunette’s hair, but stopped when she heard light snoring coming from her date. Historia smiled and kept stroking her hair, before deciding to wake her up. </p>
<p>Rubbing a circle on her back, Ymir slowly started to wake up again. Turning her head to the side, she smiled at Historia before turning on her side to look at Historia in a more comfortable position. The two stayed there, just smiling at each other. Historia went to talk, however Ymir beat her to it. </p>
<p>“Do you want to go to IHOP or just make breakfast here?” She mumbled it out, obviously still exhausted. </p>
<p>Laying on her side to face Ymir, Historia brushed Ymir’s hair out of her face and kept looking into her eyes. She just wanted to spend time looking at Ymir before the day turned hectic and she wouldn’t be able to spend time with her until after homecoming. </p>
<p>“I’m fine with either. I can always drive if you’re too tired to,” Historia whispered, keeping her hand on Ymir’s face. Ymir closed her eyes and nodded at Historia, not making any effort to move off of the bed. Pushing herself off the bed, she looked around her room for her wallet and car keys. Quickly finding them, she saw that Ymir was still on the bed. Historia knew that trying to get Ymir off of the bed will be a feat, so she opted for what will be the quickest response. Historia grabbed Ymir’s ankles and started pulling. Luckily, that caused Ymir to get up before she fell off of the bed face first. </p>
<p>“Hey! What was that for?” Ymir looked more surprised than pissed, but Historia could hear how pissed off she was in her voice. </p>
<p>Historia could only laugh at Ymir and her expression. Before she knew it, she was doubled over in hysterics. Partially, it was due to her being exhausted from a poor last night’s sleep, but also how shocked Ymir was. Eventually, she wiped her eyes and looked back at Ymir. </p>
<p>“Come on dummy, we’re going to IHOP. I knew you wouldn’t get up unless I tried to drag you out of bed.” Historia motioned for Ymir to follow her out of her room. The two of them made it the living room and said goodbye to her parents. Historia slid into the driver’s seat and started adjusting her mirrors to her liking. Her parents often used her car as well and always changed her mirrors, which led to her trying to fix them whenever she would drive again. Once she was done, she looked over at Ymir to see if she was ready to get going. When Ymir nodded at her, she put the car in reverse and started driving to IHOP. It was a quick ten minute drive to the restaurant and before they knew it, the two girls were there. </p>
<p>Historia parked near the door of the restaurant, getting out first and opening the passenger door for Ymir. Ymir smiled at Historia and leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. Feeling her cheeks burn, Historia kept her head down and walked into the restaurant. Luckily for the two of them, the restaurant was pretty empty for a Saturday morning. A waiter brought them to a booth and let them figure out what they wanted for breakfast. As Ymir and Historia looked at the menus, Historia occasionally snuck peaks at Ymir. She had pulled her hair up in a messy half up-half down ponytail and had her glasses sitting on the bottom of her nose as she looked through the menu. Historia smiled to herself, thinking about how lucky she was to be sitting across someone as gorgeous as Ymir. Eventually, the waiter came back and took the girls’ orders, leaving them by themselves again. </p>
<p>“What did I tell you about putting your hair up?” Historia asked once the waiter left them alone. Ymir just smirked at Historia, before motioning her to move closer. </p>
<p>“I just wanted to fuck with you this morning,” She smiled as she pushed Historia back into her seat, “Plus I was too worried about trying to get to your house on time to do anything better with it.”</p>
<p>“Hm, so you really are an asshole then. I’m going to slick it back though when we are getting ready today and don’t even try to fight me,” Historia crossed her arms in front of her chest to emphasize her point. </p>
<p>“Okay babe, if you say so,” Ymir said, which caused Historia to blush. Luckily for her, the waiter had come at that point to set down their food. She was grateful that she could focus on something that wasn’t Ymir. The two ate in silence, quickly finishing their breakfast. Once they were done, they left a tip and went to pay at the cash register. Walking out, Ymir and Historia ran into Hitch, who was on her way in with some taller boy that Historia didn’t really know. </p>
<p>“Hitch! What are you doing here?” Historia asked, looking up at the tall boy to figure out who he could be. </p>
<p>“Oh, Marlo and I are getting breakfast. Uh, Historia, Ymir, this is my boyfriend, Marlo. He’s from my old school,” Ymir and Historia waved at Marlo, before turning to look at Hitch again. </p>
<p>“Wait, so you’re telling me that both Historia and I asked you out and you didn’t say you had a boyfriend?” Ymir asked, obviously shook up that Hitch had a boyfriend. </p>
<p>“Hitch? Two girls asked you out and I’m finding out now,” Marlo finally spoke up. He was soft spoken, which clashed with his stoic look. </p>
<p>“Well, I told them that I’m straight and I even offered to set them up together,” Hitch was failing at trying to cover up the fate that she hadn’t told him about this situation.</p>
<p>“Oh, well that’s fine. At least, something good came from it, your two friends are dating.” Historia felt her face burn even more and opened her mouth to respond, but Ymir beat her to it. </p>
<p>“Yeah, if it wasn’t for Hitch, then I wouldn’t be dating my sweet Historia,” Ymir wrapped her arm around Historia’s shoulders, pulling her in, and kissing her forehead. Historia just felt her face turn even more red and her knees grew weak. If it wasn’t for Ymir holding her, then she would have definitely fallen on the ground. Looking up at Hitch, she saw that she was confused as well, but then turned her head back at Marlo, ignoring what she heard. The couple said goodbye to Ymir and Historia, entering the restaurant. Once the two girls made it to the car, Historia decided to ask Ymir what she had said when they were with Hitch and Marlo. </p>
<p>“So, why did you tell Marlo I was your girlfriend?” Historia said as she put the car keys into the ignition and turned on the car. Looking over at Ymir, she saw her looking out of the window, clearly lost in thought. Historia kept looking at Ymir, hoping that she’ll take the hint that she wants an answer now. </p>
<p>“I didn’t want the conversation to turn awkward since we’ll probably see them later. It’s not like you would actually date me,” Ymir whispered the last part as she kept looking out of the window. Historia knew that she shouldn’t respond to the last part, but it couldn’t hurt to try. </p>
<p>“Well, you can never completely know how another person feels,” said Historia as she pulled out of her spot and started driving back home. She looked over to Ymir and saw that she was still looking out the window with a sorrow look on her face. Historia tried racking her brain to figure out what she may have said to make her sad, but decided against asking her what was wrong.</p>
<p>Historia pulled into her driveway and watched Ymir get out quickly. Clearly, there was something bothering her and she needed to find out soon or it would ruin their day. Once they were in her room, Historia locked the door behind her and motioned for Ymir to get on the bed. When Ymir was on the bed, Historia walked in front of her and grabbed her face with both of her hands.</p>
<p>“You look miserable, what’s bothering you? Something changed when we saw Hitch and Marlo. I’m not going to take no for an answer, so just tell me,” Historia stroked Ymir’s face with her thumbs and looked into her honey eyes, waiting for an answer. Ymir closed her eyes and took a deep breath before talking to Historia. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” she breathed out, shakily, “I’m just worried about Sasha and Connie. I don’t want them to say something rude to you today since they have no filter whatsoever. I’m just praying that they won’t ruin our day,” Ymir kept her eyes closed and leaned into Historia’s touch. Historia couldn’t help herself, but smile at Ymir. It meant the world to her that she knew Ymir really did care about her and how their day went. She kept her hands on Ymir’s face as she climbed onto her lap and hugged her head to her chest. Historia kissed Ymir’s head and kept her cheek pressed against her head for a couple of moments before leaning back. She saw a small blush on her face, but brushed it off that it was from Historia pressing Ymir’s face into her chest. </p>
<p>“Thank you. For caring that much,” she whispered, still holding Ymir’s face into her hands. Ymir smiled at Historia and pulled her back into a hug. The two of them stayed there, holding each other and morphing their bodies together, causing them both to fall asleep lightly. They woke up and saw that only thirty minutes had passed and it was around ten now. </p>
<p>“What do you want to do before we have to get ready?” Historia whispered, her face now pressed into Ymir’s shoulder. She felt Ymir’s chest rise as she took a breath before responding. </p>
<p>“Do you want to watch a movie? Maybe we could watch one of your laptop and just stay in bed?” Ymir placed her hand on Historia’s back, rubbing circles. </p>
<p>“What movie are you in the mood for?” Historia pulled back to look Ymir in her eyes. She saw a suspicious look in her eyes as she was picked up and thrown on the bed. Ymir grabbed Historia’s bag and pulled out her laptop. Luckily for Ymir, Historia hadn’t changed her password since they were kids and before she knew it, Ymir was pulling up the movie she wanted to watch. Ymir walked over to the door, locking it and turning off the lights. Back at the bed, she placed the computer down and got under the covers. Ymir patted her chest to tell Historia that she wanted her to come and cuddle. Getting under the covers, Historia laid her head on her chest, placing a hand on Ymir’s stomach. </p>
<p>“We’re watching Silence of the Lambs and don’t even try to complain, you need to watch a horror movie one day and that day is today,” Historia could hear the smug in her voice, but knew there was no point in arguing. However, she still wanted to get back at Ymir. She slipped her hand under Ymir’s stomach, digging her nails into her side, where she knew she was extremely ticklish. Historia laughed as she cursed and jerked underneath her. She kept her hand underneath Ymir’s shirt, just rubbing circles into her skin with her thumb.</p>
<p>Eventually, Ymir started the movie and Historia snuggled closer to Ymir. She felt Ymir wrap one of her arms around her torso, holding her close, while the other moved to her hair, lightly stroking her golden locks. To Historia’s surprise, the movie was actually good and wasn’t as scary as she thought it would be. Some of the scenes unnerved her, but she caught herself loving the cinematography and the score that was playing. However, when they got to when Lecter was in Memphis, Historia found herself clutching at Ymir’s body, terrified by the scene. When the movie was over, Historia flipped around so that she could look at Ymir as she laid down. Ymir kept running through her hands through Historia’s hair and they looked at each other, just smiling and enjoying each other’s warmth. </p>
<p>“So, should we get ready soon? I know you want to do my hair,” Ymir asked, watching Historia’s face for an answer. Yawning, Historia pushed herself off of Ymir’s body and nodded. She walked over to her closet and took out her dress and shoes to have ready. Looking over, she saw that Ymir was pulling out an iron and her clothes out of her bag. Historia chuckled to herself as she left the room to grab their ironing board for Ymir before she started to try to iron her clothes on Historia’s desk. </p>
<p>“Let me iron them for you, I know you’re not good at this,” she said as she grabbed the clothes from Ymir’s hands. She placed them on the board and walked to her closet to grab two hangers to place them on after she was done. Once returning, Historia started to iron out the wrinkles in Ymir’s shirt. She slowly went, making sure that there wasn’t a wrinkle in any spot. When she was done and placed it on the hanger, she started on Ymir’s pants. Finishing those, she put them on the hanger and put both of the hangers on her door handle to let them cool off a little bit before Ymir changed into them. </p>
<p>“Wow Historia, you’re going to be a great wife for me one day,” Ymir’s voice was clearly smug and sarcastic, but the comment still made her blush. Luckily for her, she was turned away from Ymir, grabbing a few things to do their hair. </p>
<p>“Yeah yeah, you’re pretty funny Ymir. I’ll believe you when you get a ring,” Historia mumbled, walking back to Ymir with her hair supplies, but was stopped by two large hands on her shoulders. </p>
<p>“Then I should get a ring soon,” Ymir said, turning around to grab her clothes. Stunned, Historia put her hair supplies on the ground in front of the mirror. In the mirror, she could see that Ymir was starting to put on her clothes. She slowly took off her sweatpants, letting Historia admire her long and muscular legs. Historia watched her pull up her dress pants, flattening her boxers before pulling them up the whole way. Still watching, Ymir turned around and caught Historia and just sent her a knowing smile. Looking down, Historia found an angle where she could start her hair, but still look at Ymir. Ymir lifted her shirt off, revealing her toned abs and that she was wearing an odd looking sports bra that Historia had never seen before. Turning around, Historia looked closer to see what she was wearing. Ymir laughed at her shocked expression and motioned for her to come closer. </p>
<p>“It’s a chest binder. I like wearing them when I have to wear dress shirts. It just makes the shirt fit better on me. See?” Ymir turned to the side to show Historia how flat it made her chest. To the unknowing person, it would look like Ymir barely had a chest. </p>
<p>“Oh, does it hurt to wear?” Historia asked. She reacted out, touching the side of it, feeling that it felt similar to a sports bra. </p>
<p>“No, not really. Only if I wear it too long, but I’ll take it off before we you-know-what,” Ymir motioned like she was smoking out of a blunt, which warranted a smack from Historia. Historia just shook her head and went back to sitting down in front of her mirror. From her mirror, she watched Ymir put on a plain white tee and tuck it into her slacks. Ymir walked over to Historia and sat down next to her and watched her start to do her hair. Historia took her time, brushing out her hair and then curling it. Once she was done, she made Ymir sit in front of her as she wetted her hair and started to slick it back. Historia took a little bit of gel that she had and ran her fingers through Ymir’s hair, helping it stay in place. When Historia finished, she made Ymir check herself out and see if she liked it. Ymir nodded and got up to finish getting dressed. Before she left to put her dress shirt on, she gave Historia a kiss on the cheek as a thank you of some sorts. Historia felt herself blush, but kept watching Ymir finish getting dressed. She pulled her dress shirt on, tucking it into her pants, before putting a belt on. Once her shirt was fit to her liking, Ymir once again sat in front of Historia, but this time with her tie in hand. </p>
<p>Historia grabbed the tie out of her hand and lifted up Ymir’s collar, wrapping the tie around. Slowly, Historia tried to tie Ymir’s tie. It took a couple of tries to make it look nice, but once she was done, Ymir stood up to look at herself in the mirror. She grabbed Historia’s hand to pull her up and brought her into a quick hug. </p>
<p>“Are you going to put on your dress? I want to see how you look with it on in person, especially before Connie and Sasha,” Ymir said, smiling ear to ear. </p>
<p>“Ugh, okay. Just go sit on the bed and close your eyes. Unlike you, I don’t intend on stripping in front of you,” Historia said as she pushed Ymir towards the bed. Turning around, she saw that Ymir was sitting on the bed with her face in her hands to keep from looking at Historia. Historia grabbed her dress from her desk and slipped out of the clothes she was wearing. Pulling the dress up, Historia went to the mirror to make sure she had put it on the right way. </p>
<p>“Ymir? Could you zip me up?” Historia asked, looking over her shoulder and holding her dress up to keep it from falling. </p>
<p>“Yeah, give me one second,” Historia saw that Ymir kept her hands over her eyes as she made her way over to Historia. Somehow, Ymir made her way to Historia and found the zipper. With her eyes closed, Ymir zipped up Historia and placed her hands on her shoulders. </p>
<p>“Can I open my eyes?” Her voice was quiet as she asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m ready,” Historia placed her right hand on Ymir’s and intertwined their fingers. She watched as Ymir opened her eyes and they widened in response to what she saw as she looked into the mirror. Ymir grabbed Historia’s waist and turned her around to look at her better. Her jaw was hanging open, opening and closing, but failing to make any words.</p>
<p>“You- you’re- Wow, you are absolutely stunning,” Historia felt her face flush and she turned her face away from Ymir, but felt a hand on her cheek, turning her to look at Ymir. Ymir pulled Historia into a hug and leaned in to kiss her cheek, then whispered into her ear. </p>
<p>“You’re going to make me fall in love with you if you keep being this gorgeous,” Historia swallowed the lump that formed in her throat as she wrapped her arms around Ymir’s broad shoulders. She couldn’t figure out what to say to Ymir that wasn’t, “But I want you to fall in love with me.”</p>
<p>The two pulled apart and Historia swore that she saw a blush on Ymir’s face, but when trying to investigate further, she was stopped by a knock on her door. Turning to her door, she saw her mother and father coming in with a camera and huge smiles on their face. She knew that they were here to take photos of them to put in the photo album that had photos of the girls since they first met. </p>
<p>“Come on Historia, we want to take photos of you guys before your friends get here!” Historia’s mother was beaming and kept motioning for the two girls to follow her. As Historia started to walk to follow her parents, she felt Ymir grab her hand and intertwine their fingers. She looked up at Ymir, smiling back at her, as Ymir started to walk them to the door. </p>
<p>“Wait! Our shoes!” Historia let go of Ymir’s hand as she ran over to put on her own shoes and watched as Ymir did the same. Walking back over to her, Historia grabbed Ymir’s hand and held it as they walked down the stairs together. Historia saw her mom already taking photos of the two girls as they walked down the stairs. Ymir wanted to stay there and keep taking photos, but Historia had to drag her by the hand to the backyard, making her way to the flowers. </p>
<p>When Historia’s parents came out to start taking pictures of the two of them, Historia dragged the two of them to the purple petunias that they had, which surprisingly went well with Historia’s dress and Ymir’s suit. Grabbing Ymir’s arm, Historia wrapped both of her arms around it, laying her head on Ymir’s upper arm. Looking up, she saw that Ymir was smiling at her and to her surprise, she heard the sounds of a photo being taken. </p>
<p>“Okay, Historia can you stand up straighter? Maybe Ymir can put her arm around your shoulders. Does that sound good?” Mr. Reiss asked the brunette, who nodded in response. Over the hour, Historia’s parents moved the girls around, taking photos from different angles and different positions. When they were finished, Ymir got a text from Connie and Sasha that they were going to be dropped in a couple of minutes. Hearing that from Ymir caused Historia to become a bundle of nerves, but she tried her best to keep that hidden from Ymir. She was obviously excited to see her two friends and take photos with them. Grabbing Historia’s hand, Ymir started dragging her to the front, so they could welcome Connie and Sasha. As they waited on the front steps, Ymir intertwined their fingers together as they waited. Historia felt herself melt into the touch, which caused herself not to notice when the two had arrived. </p>
<p>“Hey Ymir and Historia! You two look gorgeous,” Sasha’s voice woke up Historia back up and she saw the two making their way up to Historia’s house. She went to move away from Ymir, but Ymir held her back in place. A part of her wondered if she really met to be this affectionate in front of her friends. </p>
<p>“Aw, thank you Sasha! I love your dress, it looks amazing with your hair!” Historia was actually telling the truth, she had never seen the girl wear something so formal. Sasha had on a light yellow dress, that complimented her skin and hair beautifully, which was curled slightly and laid on her shoulders. Connie was wearing a black suit with a yellow shirt that matched Sasha’s dress. His tie was black though and he looked like a bumblebee to Historia. </p>
<p>“Hey Connie! Looking sharp as always,” Ymir’s voice came from behind Historia as she moved in to high five Connie with her spare hand. </p>
<p>“Thanks Ymir! You two look gorgeous together! Really pulled off the purple, so are we going to take pictures and then go grab something to eat?” Connie asked as him and Sasha started walking up the stairs. Much to Historia’s surprise, Ymir kept holding onto her hand as they followed her friends to the backyard. Once they made it into the backyard, the four of them made it back to the petunias, which also went to Connie and Sasha’s outfits as well.</p>
<p>For the next hour, Historia’s parents took photos of the four of them. Historia was silently praying that her parents couldn’t see how uncomfortable she was around Sasha and Connie. Lucky for her, Ymir stuck by her side for the majority of it until Historia’s parents made Connie and Ymir get some photos together, which gave time for Historia to talk to Sasha. </p>
<p>“Do you know where we are going to eat?” Historia asked, as she watched Ymir and Connie get into random poses. </p>
<p>“I think we are going to some restaurant named Sakura. It has japanese food. I think Ymir picked it,” Sasha said as she turned to look at Historia face to face. There was something warm about her expression, but Historia couldn’t tell if Sasha was being kind to her based on her own will or if it was because Ymir was making her. <br/>“Oh, that should be fun,” Historia mumbled as she turned back to look at Ymir. Now Connie was on Ymir’s back and she heard her parents laughing at their pictures. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry that Connie and I have been rude to you. We were just worried about Ymir, but now we see how happy she is with you and that makes us happy. Can I ask you something?” Historia was taken aback by how kind Sasha was being towards her. </p>
<p>“Yeah sure, what is it?” Historia stuttered out. She racked her brain thinking about what Sasha could be asking her, she only prayed it wasn’t what she thought. </p>
<p>“Do you have feelings for Ymir?” Sasha whispered it so lightly that Historia swore she was hearing things. Nonetheless, Sasha had asked Historia the question she dreaded the most. Thinking to herself, Historia wasn’t even sure of the answer. Of course Ymir meant the world to her because she was someone important to her from her childhood and she used to have feelings for Ymir. But how else could you categorize the things that Historia was feeling? The blush that would creep on her face whenever Ymir would touch her. Or the fluttering feeling in her chest that accompanied the blush or even seeing Ymir from a distance. If those weren’t signs of Historia falling in love with Ymir again, then what was?</p>
<p>“Uh, why do you ask?” Historia asked, hoping that Sasha will drop it. </p>
<p>“Well, she’s just been so giddy recently. Always smiling and I don’t know how to describe it, but she’s like beaming constantly. I’ve only ever seen her like this when she liked this girl and the girl liked her back. I just don’t want to see her get hurt,” Sasha exhaled when she finished talking and went back to looking at Connie. Historia saw a light flicker in her eyes and knew what she should say. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I think I do. I would rather have you not tell her though, but I think it's just hard to tell because I’m nervous of her leaving me if she found out. Can I ask you a question?” Historia let a little bit of smug go into her voice when she realized what she was seeing in front of her. </p>
<p>“That makes sense, but if you do have feelings for her, I would tell her. What’s your question?” Sasha looked back at her as she finished talking. </p>
<p>“Do you have feelings for Connie? I don’t know if I’m seeing things, but I swear there’s something,” as Historia asked her question, she saw Sasha blush and move her head to look back at Connie, not Historia. </p>
<p>“I do, but I don’t think he has feelings for me. He’s my best friend and I eventually fell for him. I’m scared of him being weirded out by it, you know?” Sasha’s voice got smaller as she spoke to Historia. Historia placed her hand on Sasha’s shoulder in a hope to reassure her. </p>
<p>“He seems like a sweet guy, definitely loyal, but I don’t think it will ruin your relationship if you tell him. Chances are he has feelings for you too,” Historia whispered as she nudged Sasha in the arm. She saw that Connie and Ymir were making their way over to them. Sasha sent Historia a quick smile before the two of them walked over to the flowers. The two of them took less photos, but it wasn’t as awkward normally because of the conversation they shared. </p>
<p>When Historia and Sasha finished taking their pictures together, Connie and Ymir came over to take one more group photo. Both Connie and Ymir picked up Historia and Sasha in wedding style and in the last photo, Ymir kissed Historia’s cheek as she held onto her. The four of them said their goodbyes to Historia’s parents as they made it to Ymir’s car. Historia sat in the front with Ymir, while Connie and Sasha were in the back. </p>
<p>“Hey Historia, do you want to use the aux?” Ymir asked before driving off to dinner. </p>
<p>“Uh, I’m not sure what Connie and Sasha like,” Historia said quietly before looking back at Sasha. </p>
<p>“I’m fine with anything, just no Christian music,” Sasha said jokingly. Historia looked at Connie and saw that he was quiet. </p>
<p>“Oh, trust me I have morals. I can’t stand that stuff or the religion. Here, I’ll just put on a random playlist,” Historia hit play and Ms. Jackson by Outkast started playing. Historia just bopped her head to the song, while she listened to Ymir mumble the lyrics to the song under her breath. </p>
<p>“I thought your parents were Christian. Did something happen?” Ymir asked her as she continued to drive. Connie and Sasha were too caught up singing to pay any attention to them. </p>
<p>“Our church was really homophobic, so you can only imagine what happened when I came out. I can always explain another time since there’s much more to it,” Historia said as she looked out the window to see where they were going. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that. Christianity was never my thing, so I don’t blame you,” Ymir smiled at Historia, but turned back to look at the road. Before they knew it, they had arrived at the restaurant. The four of them got out and made it in. They were seated at a booth, with Sasha and Historia next to each other and across from Connie and Ymir. </p>
<p>All four of them ordered sushi, but both Ymir and Historia were surprised by the amount that Connie and Sasha had bought. Both of them got four rolls of sushi, but tried to explain to them that they were going to split the eight rolls together. Much to their surprise, they had actually finished the food. However, they were almost comatose when it was time to leave for the dance. Once they were in the car, Sasha pulled out of her pockets four little shot bottles of Fireball and Historia watched as both Connie and Sasha downed two of them. </p>
<p>“Sasha… Connie… You guys are going to die,” Historia said in awe of them. She didn’t know how they drank that on a full stomach or how they didn’t need a chaser after them. </p>
<p>“I mean that’s kind of the point. It’s not like Ymir didn’t tell me about your plans after this,” Connie shrugged as he looked at Historia. She didn’t know that Ymir had told them that much about what they were going to do after the dance. </p>
<p>“Look, an eighth isn’t that much for two people for one night. Plus if we don’t finish it, then I’ll probably just bake it into something,” Historia said as she tried to avoid the glare that was coming from Ymir. </p>
<p>“You think we can smoke 3 and a half grams in one night? The most I did was one gram by myself,” Ymir said, clearly sounding shocked that Historia thought there was a chance of them smoking that much in one night. </p>
<p>“Jeez Ymir, what are you? A pussy?” She leaned in as she said that with a sneer. Ymir pushed her back into her seat when she got too close. </p>
<p>“Ooo, you don’t want the shortie to outsmoke you again, do you?” Sasha asked, punching Ymir in the shoulder. She spoke like it was from experience. Ymir was beginning to look embarrassed, so Historia thought that maybe she should just leave her alone and let Ymir drive them to the school. </p>
<p>“How about we leave her alone and start heading for the school?” Historia asked the three others and watched them nod in unison. She wanted to get to the school before everyone else because she had an ace up her sleeve that she was sure to win over Connie and Sasha. When the car was starting to pull into the parking lot, Historia motioned for Ymir to park in the corner away from everyone else. </p>
<p>“Hey Historia! You know we are going to be drunk by the time we are leaving. It’ll be too long of a walk to get to the car,” Sasha cried out, hoping that Ymir will move the car for her. </p>
<p>“Wait, I have something for us that I thought y’all would enjoy,” with that Historia reached into her bra to pull out what resembled a pen. She watched as she showed it off to the three others and saw their jaws fall open. </p>
<p>“Okay, this makes up for parking far away. You sure know how to make a night fun. Ymir,” Connie said as he turned to look at her, “you picked a good date for tonight.” Historia was the first person to take a hit, making sure that she did a cool trick with the vapor to impress the others. Handing it to Ymir, she stopped her before she took a hit. </p>
<p>“This is very strong, so don’t take a big hit or a lot of them. Remember, you’re the driver,” Ymir nodded and she took a smaller hit than Historia. Passing the pen to Connie, he took a hit and tried to do a trick like Historia, but failed miserably. He passed it over to Sasha, while laughing and coughing at his failure. Sasha took the biggest hit out of all of them and then doubled over coughing until she started crying. Historia took the pen from her and took a smaller hit than before, then passed it to Ymir. She watched as Ymir took hers. As she pulled the pen away from her lips, she took another deep breath and slowly breathed out. For Historia, she was already starting to feel a bit high and watching Ymir’s jaw and lips move as she took her hit, caused Historia to become even more attracted to her. Ymir had offered the pen to Connie and Sasha, but they had denied anymore of it. Historia took it and placed it back in her bra and the four of them stayed in the car for a little longer. They had about 30 minutes before they could enter the dance and she knew that by then all of them would be feeling a level of being high. She prayed that Connie and Sasha would be okay because they were bound to become cross-faded soon. </p>
<p>Eventually, the thirty minutes had passed and it was time for the four of them to enter the building. For Ymir and Historia, they were looking and acting normal. However, Connie and Sasha were the opposite. To anyone looking at them, it was very clear that something was in their system. Historia prayed that they could act normal to at least get past the teachers who were going to check them in. Stepping out of the car, Historia was surprised that she didn’t fall over. From the weed and sitting down, her legs had melted into the passenger seat. She was lucky to see Ymir coming over to hold her hand as they walked. Looking back at Connie and Sasha, Sasha was leaning on Connie and he looked like he was going to fall over any minute. They would have been fine if they had just taken shots on their full stomachs, but since there was now weed in their system, it didn’t help their balance. </p>
<p>Through a lot of trial and error, the four of them made it to the entrance. They were some of the first people there and they struggled to look normal to everyone else. Much to their surprise, they made it past the teachers who were checking their tickets. Historia peered into the main gym and saw that no one was in there at the moment, so it would better be if they went to the aux gym. In the aux gym, Connie, Sasha, and Historia were sitting on the bleachers, while Ymir grabbed a lot of snacks and water for them. Sitting down, Ymir sat next to Historia and passed out the goods.</p>
<p>“Thanks babe,” Historia said as she leaned over to kiss Ymir on the cheek. Connie looked shocked at the display of the affection, while Sasha just grinned, knowing how Historia felt. </p>
<p>“Jesus, that was fucking gay,” Connie started laughing at his own joke, but quickly got a flick to his head from Sasha. </p>
<p>“Shut up Connie, it’s endearing. Now you’re deemed as homophobic since you’re the only straight one here,” Sasha said as she shoved more food into her mouth. Historia wondered how she could eat all of that and not throw up. </p>
<p>“Wait,” Historia threw her arms out to stop all of them in their tracks, “you’re queer?” She pointed at Sasha, to make it sure that she wasn’t talking to anyone else. </p>
<p>“Uh yeah? You think I became friends with Ymir just for math help? Pfft, nope!” Historia’s mouth fell wide open as she heard that from Sasha. She hadn’t imagined that one of Ymir’s friends would or had feelings for her. </p>
<p>“Well, back off! She’s mine!” Historia said as she grabbed onto Ymir’s arm and pulled her closer to herself.</p>
<p>“Ladies, ladies, there’s no need to fight. There’s enough of me to go around,” Ymir said as she hugged Historia and patted Sasha’s head. The three of them laughed it off as Connie shook his head, disapprovingly. </p>
<p>The four of them sat in silence as they continued to eat and drink before they decided to head for the dance floor. Historia went to the bathroom to check up on her hair before going into the other gym. She saw how big of a blush was on her face, but prayed that others won’t be able to see it for the rest of the night. Leaving the bathroom, she saw that Ymir was waiting outside of the bathroom for her. She stuck her arm out for Historia to hold onto as they walked to meet up with Connie and Sasha. </p>
<p>Walking into the gym, Historia was greeted with the smell of sweat and cologne and blaring music, her grip on Ymir tightened. Her stomach was churning from the mix of nerves and the sushi that she had consumed. Looking up at Ymir, she saw how excited she was to start dancing and join her friends. Historia scanned the crowds and saw Hitch and Marlo nearby and decided to drag Ymir to them. Once they got over to the couple, Historia hugged the two of them hello and tried to engage in a conversation. </p>
<p>“So, how did you meet?” She had to yell over the music for them to hear her. Historia had to yell it a couple of times for them to hear her. Eventually, she saw a nod from Marlo, confirming that he had heard her. </p>
<p>“She was in my history class and would cheat off of me. I thought she was cute, so I gave her my phone number so she could just text me for answers. Sometime after we first met, she made me go on a date with her and the rest is history,” Marlo smiled as he wrapped his arm around Hitch’s shoulders, pulling her in closer. This was the first time Historia had seen Hitch actually interested in something or someone. It was shocking to see that expression on her face, it contrasted to what the two girls were used to seeing. </p>
<p>“Historia, Ymir, how did you two meet?” He turned to look Ymir in the eyes as he spoke, waiting for her to speak.</p>
<p>“Oh, we’ve known each other since kindergarten. I always had a crush on her since I was little and it turned out that she also had feelings for me. Wouldn’t be surprised if we got married, she means the world to me,” Ymir grabbed Historia, bringing her in closer to kiss her cheek. Historia was just overwhelmed by what she had heard from Ymir and just hugged her, hoping that would show her appreciation. Pulling away, she watched as Hitch gave her another confusing look. She didn’t spend much time pondering what that could have meant. </p>
<p>“Aww, y’all are adorable. Well, Hitch and I are going to grab some snacks. See you two later!” Marlo waved goodbye to the two girls as they started walking away. Historia was still shocked with what Ymir said, but she knew that this wasn’t the right place to ask her what she had meant by it. Historia hadn’t even noticed when Ymir started walking towards Connie and Sasha who looked like they were having the best time out of everyone there. </p>
<p>Once the four were together, they danced for a couple of minutes together before Historia and Sasha both decided to leave and put their heels somewhere else. Neither of them wanted to risk breaking an ankle that night. As Historia started walking back to Ymir and Connie, Sasha grabbed her arm and pulled her to a corner where they could talk. </p>
<p>“I’m going to try and kiss him tonight,” Sasha said as she grinned from ear to ear. Her eyes darted from Historia’s face to where Connie and Ymir were. </p>
<p>“You sure? You were drinking and there is some weed in your system. Are you sure today is the right time to do it?” Historia was shocked that Sasha was even thinking about making a move on Connie in this state. </p>
<p>“He’s been really flirty today. I think it could work out well for me, if not you better make me some of your cookies,” Sasha said as she grabbed Historia’s arm, dragging the two of them back to Connie and Ymir. Historia watched as Sasha got closer to Connie, clearly waiting for the right moment to pounce. The blonde inched closer to the brunette, motioning for her to bend down to hear her. </p>
<p>“Sasha is going to kiss Connie, by the way. I’m a little shocked that she’s going to try, but at least she’s confident,” Historia shrugged, watching the interaction between Sasha and Connie. </p>
<p>“Sasha likes Connie? You sure about that-” Ymir was unable to finish her sentence because Sasha grabbed Connie’s face and kissed his lips in a drunken fury. He looked shocked and taken aback, but eventually gave in. Ymir and Historia couldn’t help, but laugh when Sasha pulled back and Connie’s face had turned bright red. He turned a brighter red as he saw that both Ymir and Historia were staring at the two of them. They knew it wasn’t their place to keep staring, but it was quite entertaining. </p>
<p>“Nice job Sasha!” Historia yelled as she clapped in celebration of her new found friend. Sasha bowed at her, like she was an actor at the end of a play. Ymir’s jaw was hanging open, probably shocked that she didn’t notice that two of her friends had feelings for each other. Historia couldn’t help, but beam at the two of them. It was beautiful to see two people who were clearly made for each other, finally suck it up and admit it. Grabbing Ymir’s arm, she pulled her away, giving time for Sasha and Connie to be alone. </p>
<p>“How did you know about this?” Ymir said as they got out of earshot. </p>
<p>“Sasha told me when you and Connie were taking photos together. Did you seriously not have an idea?” Historia knew that Ymir tended to be oblivious to things like this, but Historia had picked up on this the first time she saw those two together. Looking at Ymir, Historia saw an odd smile on her face as she looked at her. </p>
<p>“That’s really good actually. She’s being friendly with you and I didn’t even have to ask her. Maybe you’ll end up friends. God, that would be a dream.” Now, it was time for Historia to have an odd expression of her face. </p>
<p>“Like imagine how great it would be if you, Connie, and Sasha were all friends. We could all hangout together and it wouldn’t be awkward, but a girl can dream,” Ymir huffed out as she looked back at Historia. There was a somber look in her eyes that Historia just couldn’t figure out. </p>
<p>“Yeah, a girl can dream,” Historia said as she pulled Ymir into a hug. The two held each other in their embrace until Historia pulled away to ask her something. </p>
<p>“Since we still have a long time until the dance is over, do you want to get a little bit more high?” Ymir’s answer was very clearly when she grabbed her arm, pulling her into the bathroom. The two found that the bathroom was surprisingly empty. Going to the closest stall, Historia locked it behind her and pulled her pen from her bra. </p>
<p>“Wait, what if someone comes in and sees two pairs of shoes?” Historia looked up at Ymir, hoping that she had some kind of idea to deal with that. Without saying anything, Ymir picked up Historia and pinned her against the wall for support. Historia wrapped her legs around Ymir’s waist and held onto her shoulders, so she didn’t fall off. </p>
<p>“Okay, this isn’t what I was expecting, but I guess it works,” Ymir shrugged at Historia as she started to take a hit. Once she was done, she held it out to Ymir’s mouth since the girl’s arms were too busy holding up Historia. A couple of minutes and several hits later, the two left the stall. Historia was still in Ymir’s arms as she lowered her to the ground. Historia was a little dizzy by being put down, but she was lucky that Ymir’s arm was there, free to be held onto. </p>
<p>Making their way back to the dance floor, Historia pointed out to Ymir, one of the couples making out in the hallway. After closer inspection, it was Mikasa and Annie. Snickering, the two ran away before the couple noticed them. Everyone theorized that the two most terrifying girls would either end up together or fighting each other. Luckily for everyone, it was the first and not the later. Finding Sasha and Connie, the two filled them in on what they saw. Connie didn’t believe them and went looking for himself. After a scream and some yelling, the three of them watched as Connie came back running in and a shoe flew in, aimed at his head. He told them that they were finishing up when they caught him looking and Mikasa made Annie chase him with a shoe. Looking at the doorway leading into the gym, the four of them saw Annie and Mikasa come in, then going their separate ways. Historia watched as Mikasa went back to Eren and Armin, while Annie went back to Bertholdt and Reiner. It was clear that the four of them were the only other people that knew what was going on between them. </p>
<p>For the rest of the night, the four of them stayed together dancing to the music. A mix of genres and decades played as the dance went on. After a while, a slow song was finally put on and before she knew it, Ymir was pulling in Historia to dance with her. Looking over at Sasha, she saw that her and Connie were together. Sasha saw her looking and sent her a wink. The two girls held each other as they swayed to the beat of the song. When the song finished and they pulled away, Historia saw that Ymir had rosy cheeks. She decided that this wasn’t the time to tease Ymir about it. The rest of the dance quickly finished up after that. Luckily for her and Ymir, both of their highs had died down. It was obvious that Connie and Sasha had more alcohol than Historia saw, since both of them were swaying and needed someone to hold their hands. </p>
<p>Once the four were outside, Ymir made them wait by the door while she drove the car to them. Both Sasha and Connie leaned on Historia, but Ymir quickly came over with the car. Historia helped the two drunks get into the back before getting into the passenger seat. Ymir first drove Connie and Sasha to the afterparty they wanted to go to. Dropping them off, Sasha demanded that they got out so she could kiss them goodbye. Historia waved Sasha off saying that she didn’t want to smell the alcohol on her breath. The next stop was Historia’s house to grab her clothes and weed from her room. This drive was a bit longer to get to her house and she found herself drifting off a little bit. She woke up when she felt Ymir’s hand on her shoulder, telling her that they were at Historia’s house. </p>
<p>Running into her house, Historia waved hello to her parents before grabbing her bag from her room. She peaked in her bag to make sure that everything was still in there. At the door, she said goodnight to her parents before going back to Ymir’s car. Getting in the car, she pulled out her bong to show Ymir and saw a huge grin appear on her face. </p>
<p>The ride back to Ymir’s house felt like hours and Historia was practically bursting with excitement. She was finally going to get some time alone with Ymir and if she got lucky, maybe she would know why Ymir was saying all of those confusing things to Hitch and Marlo. </p>
<p>Walking through the door, Historia saw that Ymir’s mother wasn’t here, which gave her a sense of comfort. Ymir led her to her room where she began to strip out of her formal clothes, changing into some sweats and a white tank top. Historia took the time to undress as well, slipping into the clothes she had brought from her house. She pulled on a pair of shorts and Ymir’s hoodie. Looking at Ymir, Historia saw a blush on her face, paired with the look of recognition when she noticed that Historia was wearing her hoodie. </p>
<p>“So, where do you want to smoke?” Historia asked as she grabbed her bag and started to walk out of Ymir’s room. She needed to get a paper plate, so that it was easier to fill the bowl. Historia heard the door close behind her and assumed that Ymir was on her way over. </p>
<p>“We can either go outside or we can hotbox the bathroom. I think it would be fun if we did that,” Ymir sent a smirk her way. Historia nodded at Ymir as she grabbed a paper plate and filled up a glass of ice. Ymir led the two of them to a downstairs bathroom, luckily for them there was a huge shower in there. In the bathroom, Historia sat on the ground as Ymir placed a towel at the door, making sure that no smoke would escape the bathroom. She made sure that the fan was off and so were the vents before turning on the shower. The bathroom quickly heated up and got extremely steamy, Ymir had to take off her glasses and place them aside. By that time, Historia had already filled up one bowl for them to share. Taking the ice out of the cup, she placed it inside the bong and filled it up with water. Sitting down, she looked at Ymir, who was basically shaking with excitement. </p>
<p>“You ready?” Historia asked Ymir as she started lighting the bowl. When the smoke in the bong turned a milky white color, Historia pulled out the stopper and breathed it all in. Taking an even deeper breath on top of the hit, Historia closed her eyes to keep the smoke in her lungs. Breathing out of her nose, she opened her eyes and saw that Ymir was staring at her. She started laughing, which quickly turned into a coughing fit. When she was done, she took a smaller hit and passed the bong over to Ymir. She watched as she struggled to figure out how to use the bong. Leaning over, Historia guided Ymir’s hands to where they needed to be and lit the bowl for her. Ymir immediately started coughing and reached for some nearby water to drink. </p>
<p>Taking the bong back, Historia decided that she wanted to try a trick with her. She motioned for Ymir to move in closer to her, so that their faces were only a foot apart. Historia took a hit as Ymir kept watching her. As she held the smoke in her lungs, she motioned for Ymir to move in close. Historia grabbed Ymir’s chin and blew the smoke into her mouth. Their lips briefly brushed against each other as Historia blew it into her mouth, but pulled away when she was out of breath. Looking at Ymir, Historia saw that she grew bright red in her face, which was a feat considering how tan she was. While Ymir took her time to get her composure back, Historia took a quick hit and took the time to study Ymir’s face. She looked like an ethereal goddess with the smoke and steam floating around her head. It looked as if Ymir had materialized out of thin air, like a guardian angel from God. Historia hadn’t realized how long she was staring until Ymir had to wave in front of her face to break her concentration.</p>
<p>“Oh, sorry I’m starting to get a little high. Why don’t you finish the bowl as I grind up some more for a second bowl?” Ymir nodded and took the bong from Historia. Her next couple of hits went down easier as she grew used to the harshness that was a bong hit. Passing the bong back to Historia, she quickly blew out the ash and started to pack the bowl. She was stopped by Ymir who was turning off of the shower. Confused by the motion, she looked at her until she cared to explain.</p>
<p>“We’re out of hot water. There’s some chairs outside we can sit and smoke at,” Ymir grabbed their waters and Historia’s bag, leaving Historia to quickly clean up. Catching up to Ymir, Historia clung onto her bong with her life, afraid of dropping it on the ground. </p>
<p>Ymir was right when she said there were two chairs outside, however the evening chill was slightly off putting to Historia. She decided she could suck it up for the pretty girl who was now sitting across from her. </p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” Historia asked as she passed the bong and lighter to Ymir. The brunette took a hit before answering her.</p>
<p>“Really fucking high, you?” Historia chuckled at her response. She could see in Ymir’s eyes that she was beginning to feel it, to put it lightly. </p>
<p>“I feel good. I could probably do a third bowl if you were up for that, but I might just have a higher tolerance than you,” Historia watched as Ymir nodded and took another hit. She was afraid that Ymir would get too high and freak out. It would be better if they stuck to two bowls and smoked a third later in the night. </p>
<p>“So, who do you like?” Historia could see that in Ymir’s eyes, she had turned back to her little self from when they were kids. She always knew how these conversations ended. </p>
<p>“I’m not answering that.”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s either answering that or asking you why we stopped talking.”</p>
<p>Hearing that made Historia freeze. She knew that they would probably end up talking about that, but that was a conversation for Sober Historia. Looking back at Ymir, she saw that she was waiting for an answer from Historia.</p>
<p>“Look, that conversation is for Sober Historia. I’m high as shit right now and as much as I want to tell you right now, I’ll start crying and won’t be able to finish it. I don’t get why you act like I wanted to leave you,” Historia didn’t know why she was getting angry, but something about this exchange just lit a fire in her heart. </p>
<p>“Well, I have nothing to go off of. I know you had a crush on me when we were kids, but besides that I’m in the dark. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone like Hitch knew more about it than me.”</p>
<p>“What did you say?” Historia practically growled out the words, terrified that Hitch snitched on her to Ymir. </p>
<p>“Well, you open up to everyone except me. I just want to know, so that we can move past it.”</p>
<p>“Ymir, I promise I’ll tell you. How about we spend tomorrow morning talking? We are both high and won’t think it through,” Historia covered her face with her hands, embarrassed at how quick this night went badly between the two of them. She felt a hand pulling on hers away and intertwining their fingers together. </p>
<p>“Okay, that’s good to me. How about we finish smoking, get some food, and watch something?” Historia nodded at Ymir and took the bong from her. Within a couple of minutes, the girls had finished smoking and were making their way to the kitchen. Historia watched Ymir struggle to walk, but finding everything hysterical. Finding all of the munchies that their hearts desired, Ymir sat down on the couch as Historia went to grab blankets. Walking over to the couch, Historia went to sit away from Ymir, but was stopped when she felt Ymir grab her hand. Letting Ymir pull her, Historia ended up getting pulled into Ymir’s lap, where she could hold onto Historia. She knew it was dangerous with the state they were in, but not much could happen if they were both extremely stoned. Grabbing the remote, Historia put on a random art documentary and snuggled into Ymir’s embrace. She felt as one of Ymir’s hands were holding one of hers against her stomach. The other one was traveling up and down her thigh. It would occasionally stop and stay in one place, while Ymir rubbed circles with her thumb, but then it would start moving up and down again. </p>
<p>As the documentary continued to ramble on, Historia felt herself being droned to sleep. She tried to put up a fight and stay awake, but couldn’t fight her eyelids from falling down. As she drifted off to sleep, she felt herself being lifted and placed onto a bed. Rolling over, she felt another warm body and decided to snuggle against it. Historia felt the body’s chest rise and fall with each breath and she could hear small breaths coming from the face. Eventually, she fell into rhythm with the body. As her mind drifted off to a dream, she heard a whisper, light enough to not stir a mouse.</p>
<p>“I’m in love with you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed! I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out. I want to say two weeks at the most, but there have been oneshots that I've wanted to write and school is kicking my ass. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and for a warning, shit is gonna happen soon in the story. As always, I love to hear your thoughts so comment what you thought. Also if you have any recommendations for the story or maybe some other oneshot I would love to hear those too! See you soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sounds of snoring slowly woke up Ymir, while the morning sun danced across her face. Fully waking up, Ymir recognized a weight on her body and the source of snoring. Looking down, she saw a small blonde, laying her head on Ymir’s chest and her arms wrapped around Ymir’s neck. She brought her hand to the blonde’s face, lightly brushing her hair away from her face. Historia looked content, asleep on Ymir’s chest. She was drooling slightly as she slept, but Ymir didn’t mind it.</p>
<p>Content Warning for this chapter:<br/>It discusses a lot of hate towards queer people and talks of suicide, depression, and self harm.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody! Hope you had a good week! The chapter is roughly around 8.3k words this time. Hope you enjoy the chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sounds of snoring slowly woke up Ymir, while the morning sun danced across her face. Fully waking up, Ymir recognized a weight on her body and the source of snoring. Looking down, she saw a small blonde, laying her head on Ymir’s chest and her arms wrapped around Ymir’s neck. She brought her hand to the blonde’s face, lightly brushing her hair away from her face. Historia looked content, asleep on Ymir’s chest. She was drooling slightly as she slept, but Ymir didn’t mind it. Thinking back to last night, Ymir thought about how much the two were affectionate. Always holding hands, kissing each other’s cheeks, and then cuddling last night and while they slept. She knew that they didn’t have that much time left together, so she had to make every moment worth it. While reflecting on last night, Ymir remembered what she mumbled to an asleep Historia. </p>
<p>“I’m in love with you.”</p>
<p>She knew that the confession was real, but prayed that Historia didn’t hear her. As much as she wanted, but Historia wasn’t someone she could be in love with. She wasn’t Ymir’s typical type, but there was something that had always drawn her in. Ymir always thought of Historia as a selfish person, she would do anything she needed to get what she wanted. Historia wasn’t good at opening up too. There were many times when they were kids where Ymir needed to talk to Historia, but Historia would shut off or would lie to Ymir. Ymir knew that she wasn’t any better. When she got scared, she would run off or when she was angry, she would isolate herself from Historia. The two were never meant to be good for each other, but Ymir always had an innate drive in herself to be with Historia. The past five years were hell because she wanted to run up to Historia and ask her to take her back. She didn’t care about the reason at this point, but it would be nice to know why. Historia was a gorgeous person and Ymir loved every aspect of her, but she was like a rose. You could admire her beauty, but the moment you got too close and tried to hold on, you would get hurt. </p>
<p>“Ymir?”</p>
<p>The brunette looked down to see where the voice was coming from. She saw Historia staring at her with an expression of concern. A thought crossed through her mind that she should just kiss her right now because she would never have a chance to do it again. Ymir knew that if she had ever felt the high of kissing Historia, then she would get addicted and would never get clean. It wasn’t worth the pain that would come with Historia. However, she could allow herself to kiss her cheek and take in her beauty for now. </p>
<p>“Good morning gorgeous,” Ymir said as she went in to kiss Historia’s cheek. Pulling back, she saw Historia’s cheek glow red. Ymir knew there was no point in trying to speculate if Historia had feelings for her or not. </p>
<p>“God, you’re so dramatic. Anyway, good morning dork. How did you sleep?” Historia brought her hand up to Ymir’s face, brushing her hair to the side. </p>
<p>“Pretty good. Scared me a bit when I woke up to someone laying on. What about you?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll move,” Historia started to move off of Ymir, but was stopped when she felt Ymir’s arm, wrap around and push her back to her body. </p>
<p>“There’s no need, I like having you here. Now tell me, how did you sleep?” Ymir watched the blush on Historia’s face grow brighter and brighter as she repositioned herself on Ymir. </p>
<p> “Really good too. Did you say something to me when you brought me to bed?” Historia said as she looked up at Ymir. Ymir felt her heart drop at the possibility of Historia hearing her confession last night. </p>
<p>“Oh no, I think you were dreaming. What did I say?” Ymir asked, hoping that Historia forgot.</p>
<p>“Nothing important,” Historia said as she turned away from Ymir’s face. That confirmed that Historia had heard her, but it seemed like she was going to brush it off. </p>
<p>“So, what do you want to do today?” Historia said as she stretched out and laid back down onto Ymir. She lifted her head up to look Ymir in the eyes. </p>
<p>“How about we have breakfast first and go from there?” Ymir laid her hand on Historia’s head, brushing her fingers through her hair as she spoke. </p>
<p>“Okay, let’s go,” Historia pushed herself off of Ymir’s chest, so that she was now straddling the brunette’s hips. The two stayed there for a couple of minutes before someone moved. Looking into Historia’s eyes, Ymir saw something that she couldn’t place. She swore her eyes turned dark with some kind of intent.</p>
<p>Historia eventually stepped off the bed, grabbing Ymir’s hand and dragging her to the kitchen. Historia sat on the counters as she watched Ymir take out bacon, eggs, and a couple of other breakfast items. Ymir took her time cooking the bacon and whisking the eggs together. She found some fresh bread they had and toasted it for her and Historia. She watched as Historia walked over to the coffee maker and made half pot for the two of them. Quickly, breakfast was made and Historia helped carry over the food to the table. The two sat down, across from each other, and woofed down everything in sight. Ymir walked over to the couch and sat down with her mug of coffee and watched Historia walk over. Historia sat down on Ymir’s lap, not even giving her time to protest. </p>
<p>“Can I talk to you about something?” Historia said as she grabbed Ymir’s face to look her in the eyes. </p>
<p>“Yeah, sure. What’s on your mind?” Ymir melted into Historia’s touch, waiting for her to talk. </p>
<p>“I want to tell you what happened all of those years ago. Why I stopped talking to you. I owe it to you,” Historia closed her eyes as she spoke. After a couple of minutes, Historia opened her eyes, waiting for Ymir’s response. </p>
<p>“I’ll listen to whatever you want to say,” Ymir said softly, afraid that if she raised her voice any bit, then she would scare off Historia. </p>
<p>“I guess I’ll start from the beginning. I figured out that I liked girls around the beginning of sixth grade. It was the scariest thing I had ever done, but I wanted to tell my parents. So, I did. They didn’t react well to put it lightly. They freaked out. Telling me how the devil came to me and whispered in my ears, making me love women instead of men. At the beginning, we would just pray together, waiting for God to fix me. Obviously, he didn’t fix me. Then they took it up a notch. It was going to church every night and they would pray over me, then I would have to go with the priest and talk. The priests obviously noticed that preaching to me wasn’t working. They decided to take a more personal approach… I had to bring in photos of my “desires.” They wanted me to bring in photos of women that I thought were attractive. I knew it was wrong, but I wanted to please my parents, you know? I just wanted my parents to be happy and love me, even if the me they loved was fake,” Historia took her head into her hands before looking up to Ymir. Ymir smiled at her, encouraging her to keep talking. </p>
<p>“At the same time, I realized I had feelings for you. Well, feelings is putting it lightly. I was pretty head over heels in love with you. I remember how I would make up the names of boys when you asked me who I liked because I was afraid that you would hate me like how my parents hated me. I was terrified that you would see the real me and choose to leave me. Part of me hoped that you had feelings for me as well, but whenever I would let myself entertain that thought, the words of the priests would come back into my head. They would sit on my shoulders and tell me how much my parents hated me for this. Obviously, I wanted to get those voices to shut up, so I brought in pictures. My parents never saw what pictures they were, but… They were pictures of you,” Historia turned away from Ymir, afraid to meet her eyes. Lunging forward, Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia and pulled her in. Thinking to herself, she never thought that this could be the reason why Historia stopped talking to her. Pulling away, Historia wiped tears away from her eyes and started talking again. </p>
<p>“I remember sitting there in that room, afraid to hand over the pictures. The love I had for you was pure and only known by me. I knew that the moment I passed the photos over, then it would be tainted with the words of the priests. I loved you more than words could ever express, but my parents hated me and I could barely live with myself. I thought that maybe if I got over you, then we could still live a happy life together, even if it was just the two of us as friends. Once I handed the photos over, they told me that you would be disgusted in me for having feelings for you. That you wouldn’t be able to look me in the eyes ever again if you knew how I felt. They told me that you would never love me and if you did, the love wasn’t pure. The devil tainted it and confused you to think it was okay to have any love for me. They asked me if I wanted to marry you… Of course I said yes. That was the first time they had ever hit me. The priests slapped me across the face and told me that any marriage between two women was bound to never work. Eventually, the words they said about you stayed in my head. I couldn’t look at you without thinking about what they said. My favorite thing to do was to just look at your face and study your freckles, but the moment I looked at you, I would hear their words in the back of my head. It got unbearable and obviously, I couldn’t tell you. I was taught to think that you would hate my guts if I confessed my feelings to you. So, I left. I knew that leaving you would be better than causing you to follow in my sinful ways,” Historia laid her head onto Ymir’s shoulders as she sobbed. Placing her hands on her neck and back, Ymir held Historia as tight as she could. She couldn’t think about what to say to Historia. Ymir opened and closed her mouth, trying to think of the right words to say. She knew that the only good response was to hold Historia. <br/>“I’m sorry,” Ymir whispered as she held onto Historia. She heard a chuckle come from Historia in response. </p>
<p>“It’s not your fault dumbo, plus I’m not done,” she said as she wiped tears from her eyes before starting again. </p>
<p>“After I stopped talking to you, I kept going to conversion therapy. The priests were so happy and proud of me because I stopped talking to you. I was miserable. There was nothing that could make me feel better. I decided to take out all of my anger on myself. I would cut myself often. I knew how to keep it a secret and obviously, no one figured it out. No one knew how miserable I was until I tried to kill myself going into seventh grade. I had watched a movie with my parents that night and I remember still being attracted to women. I knew that I was never going to change, so I decided that I had to kill myself. I wanted to die, having my parents think that their daughter was the perfect straight girl that they wanted. After we watched the movie, I went to bed. I wrote two letters, one to my parents and… One to you. Going into my bathroom, I found tylenol and took as much as I could possibly swallow. Then I woke up. I was in my bed and I was still alive. I didn’t die and my parents didn’t know. That obviously wasn’t enough, so the next night I took enough to die. I woke up to being in a hospital bed with my mother sobbing next to me. My father was by the windows, staring out at the city. His expression was hard to read, but it looked like sorrow. My mother apologized for what they did, but my father didn’t look apologetic. It would take years in therapy for him to even apologize. After the attempt, I stayed in the psych ward until they deemed me okay to go back home. Being at home was extremely awkward, but with therapy, I’ve rebuilt my relationship with them. However, they never knew why I stopped talking to you. Over these past five years, they’ve been telling me to talk to you again,” Historia took a deep breath to regain her train of thoughts. Looking at Historia, Ymir brushed her hair behind her eyes to get a better look at her face. </p>
<p>“So, why did you start talking to me again?” Ymir asked with a smug expression on her face. </p>
<p>“Because I missed you. Both my therapist and I thought that I had worked past my trauma enough to start talking to you again. Actually, I have a funny story about that,” Historia blushed and turned her head away in embarrassment.</p>
<p>“Oh god, what is it?” Ymir asked, chuckling at Historia’s expression.</p>
<p>“I purposefully failed math to get you as my tutor. I heard that you would tutor anyone, so I started failing math and asked for you specifically,” Historia kept her head away from Ymir, afraid to meet her eyes. </p>
<p>“You failed math? To talk to me?” Ymir erupted into laughter as she heard Historia. She couldn’t believe that anyone would go that far to talk to her. </p>
<p>“Well! In my defense, I knew that you wouldn’t talk to me otherwise. It was the only plausible option,” Historia covered her face with her hands, too embarrassed to look at Ymir. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I don’t blame you. I probably wouldn’t have given you a chance to talk if I wasn’t made to do it. Thank you for telling me the truth. I know it was tough, but I’m glad to know now. I’m sorry that you went through all of that and I wasn’t there for you,” Ymir’s voice got softer as she spoke. It was hard to look Historia in the eyes. She got the information that she came for, but now she has to stop talking to Historia. The question now is how is she going to bring herself to do that?</p>
<p>“Don’t beat yourself up because of it. I’m the one who stopped talking to you. There’s nothing we can do except to be better now. All what matters is that you’re back in my life now,” Historia pulled Ymir into a hug as she finished talking. Ymir hugged Historia back, but there was a growing sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. She had to uphold the promise to her friends. She had to put them over Historia. Every fiber of her own being was telling her to stay with Historia and entertain the idea of a life with her, but her conscience was telling her that she couldn’t do that. She was getting too comfortable. She was happy. Ymir knew that she couldn’t let herself be any of those things. She needed to leave Historia before Historia left her first. It would be better for Historia in the long term, Ymir thought to herself. </p>
<p>“Hey dummy, what are you in the mood for today?” Historia whispered into Ymir’s ear when she noticed how quiet she got. </p>
<p>“Anything is good. As long as I’m with you,” Ymir pulled away to look at Historia as she spoke. She watched Historia’s blush grow on her face even longer. The brunette knew it was a sin to indulge with spending time with Historia, but their time was almost up. </p>
<p>“You want to go to the park with me, like when we were kids?” Historia grinned at Ymir, her eyes were practically begging her to say yes.</p>
<p>“Of course, I’ll drive us over.” With that, Ymir stood up and held onto Historia. She walked them over back to her room, so they could get ready for the day. Ymir gently placed Historia on her bed and started to walk to her closet, but was stopped when Historia grabbed her hand and pulled her to her. Ymir ended up laying on top of Historia on her bed, with Historia giggling underneath. </p>
<p>“Hey! That was uncalled for!” Ymir couldn’t keep herself from laughing as she looked at Historia’s face. There was something so oddly comfortable about being with Historia and watching happiness express itself in her. </p>
<p>“God, you’re so gorgeous,” Ymir felt the words slip out of her mouth. She didn’t realize what she said until Historia’s face went even redder than before. The blonde tried to say something, but eventually gave up. </p>
<p>“Thank you Ymir. You’re beautiful too,” Historia whispered. Ymir swore that she saw Historia’s eyes dart from her eyes to her lips. She knew that if she didn’t show any restraint right now, then the two of them would have a bigger problem on their hands. Ymir slipped off of Historia and found her clothes and quickly got dressed. Looking behind her, she saw that Historia was putting on her clothes as well. Once they were done, the two girls cleaned up from breakfast and made it to the car. Ymir took her time checking if her mirrors were right before they drove off. The park was a quick drive away, but because of their morning, Ymir swore it took an hour.</p>
<p>“We’re here,” Ymir turned to Historia as she parked into a spot. Lucky for her, Ymir kept a blanket in the car at all times. Walking out of the car, Ymir grabbed the blanket and stood next to Historia, waiting for her to start walking. </p>
<p>The two found a quiet spot to sit down at. Ymir laid down the blanket and made sure to smooth it out for the two. She laid down on her back and was greeted by Historia when she laid down with her head on Ymir’s stomach. Ymir knew that all of the physical affection was going to come to bite her in the ass when she was done with Historia, but she could indulge for now. Historia turned her head to look at Ymir, as Ymir brushed her fingers through her hair. The two girls laid there for a couple of hours, staring at each other and the sky. Ymir found herself drifting off to sleep, but was stopped when she felt Historia getting off of her. </p>
<p>“Let’s actually go into the park and play, you know, for old time’s sake,” Historia grabbed Ymir’s hand and tried to start dragging her. She gave into what the girl wanted, but made sure to grab the blanket. Once they were in the playground, Historia started by bringing them to the swings. </p>
<p>“Come on Ymir, just push me so that I can get started faster. You used to do it for me when we were kids,” Historia whined as she made puppy eyes at Ymir, trying to convince her. </p>
<p>“Well, it was because your legs couldn’t reach the ground, not because I wanted to,” Ymir laughed as she started pushing Historia on the swing. </p>
<p>“Uh, if I remember correctly, you would just stand there pushing me. You wouldn’t ever get in the swings with me. You sure there wasn’t some reason for it?” Historia chuckled to herself as she looked behind her to see a flushed Ymir. </p>
<p>“Okay, maybe it was because I had a crush on you back then,” Ymir mumbled to Historia. </p>
<p>“That’s what I thought. The feelings were mutual though,” Historia laughed and motioned for Ymir to sit in the swing next to her. The two tried to see who could get up the highest without falling off. Eventually, Historia somehow got up the highest, but Ymir tried to one up her by jumping off at the high point. Ymir gave Historia a good scare by doing that, but once the two were done, they went over to the slide and pushed each other down. Ymir got the idea that it would be fun to chase Historia for a little bit because she knew that the short girl couldn’t run fast enough to get away to Ymir. Catching up, Ymir dove and caught Historia and took her down to the ground. Ymir straddled Historia with her hips and shoved her down. She watched as Historia looked at her lips and started to sit up, coming closer to her face. Ymir knew what was about to happen, but she quickly got off of Historia. Looking back at Historia, she looked stunned and disappointed, but quickly shook it off. Ymir gave Historia her hand to help her up, but was surprised when she held onto it as they walked back to the car. Neither of them said anything as they walked back. Historia looked almost sad about what had happened, like she wanted Ymir to kiss her. Of course, Ymir wanted to kiss Historia more than anything, but she couldn’t allow herself to do that. If she did, then there would be no way to leave Historia again.</p>
<p>“You in the mood to do anything else?” Ymir asked as she looked over to Historia. She looked lost in thought, but quickly came to. </p>
<p>“Do you want to get ice cream again?” She asked as she turned to Ymir. Ymir knew that she couldn’t say no to her, so she nodded and pulled out of the parking spot. There was a quiet bubble in there and Ymir was scared to pop the bubble that was growing in there.</p>
<p>“Is everything okay Historia?” Ymir spoke as she parked by the ice cream shop. There was a sad look on her face. Ymir was terrified that she figured out her plans. </p>
<p>“I’ve just missed you a lot. It’s good to finally get everything off of my chest. I’m sorry for keeping that from you for so long. I never wanted to live without you, but I constantly forced myself to think that I was better off without you,” her voice was timid and soft. She seemed afraid that she would scare off Ymir if she spoke too loud. </p>
<p>“Well, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere,” Ymir lied straight through her teeth. She was afraid that Historia could hear the lie and how hard it was to say it. Luckily, for her it looked like Historia didn’t pick it up and she smiled at Ymir reassuringly.</p>
<p> Ymir first got out and walked around the car to open Historia’s door for her. She gave her a quick smile as they started walking towards the ice cream shop together. Historia found the two of them a place to sit while Ymir ordered them something. She thought that getting their order from when they were kids was a good idea. Ymir also ordered them a piece of cake to split, she hoped that Historia would appreciate the gesture. Sitting down with the milkshake and the cake, she handed Historia the utensils and straws for the two of them. Looking at Historia, she watched as Historia’s face lit up as she took a bite. </p>
<p>“It’s good, right?” Ymir asked with a smile, as Historia continued to eat the slice. Ymir knew that Historia would probably end up finishing it, but she didn’t mind. Watching Historia’s face light up and beam was the best gift that she could ever be given. They also had a milkshake to finish, which Ymir knew that it would be a feat for the two of them to finish. </p>
<p>“This one time,” Ymir started, “I took a girl on a date here, because I thought it would be cute. She tried to order what we would get as kids, but it just felt off getting that without you. So, I pretended to absolutely hate chocolate until I convinced her to split something else with me. I’ve been waiting for a while to be here with you again.” </p>
<p>“Poor girl missed out on a good milkshake, but that’s endearing. One time I tried to come here after we stopped talking, but when I ordered the milkshake, I just ended up crying. Partially because I couldn’t finish it without you, but also because it broke my heart that you weren’t here with me. I’m happy that those days are over now,” Historia smiled at Ymir before finishing off their piece of cake. She had a little bit of chocolate frosting on the corner of her mouth. Ymir leaned forward with a napkin and wiped it off for her. Before sitting back down, she held Historia’s face with her hand, just looking into her eyes. Ymir was looking for a reason to stay. She saw it, staring right back at her, begging for her to stay. Sitting back down, Ymir shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. </p>
<p>As Historia leaned in to drink the milkshake, so did Ymir. The two looked there at each other for a little bit, before they were struck by a brain freeze. As Ymir held onto her head with her left hand, her right hand reached out to Historia and rested it on her eye that she was covering. The blonde smiled at her and brought her free hand to Ymir’s head and intertwined their fingers. </p>
<p>Once both of their brain freezes had gone away, their hands lingered on each other just for a little longer. Pulling away, Ymir felt herself still longing for Historia’s touch. Knowing this was a bad idea, Ymir placed her hand on Historia’s, letting their fingers find a comfortable position with each other. Historia looked shocked by the action, but melted into it. </p>
<p>“So, what was the real reason why you pretended to be my girlfriend in front of Marlo?” Historia’s voice was filled with a smugness as she spoke. She knew that she had caught Ymir and she couldn’t get out of it. </p>
<p>“Uh, no comment,” Ymir looked away from Historia, but felt the grip on her hand tighten. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m not taking no for an answer today. Now tell me, why did you call me your girlfriend?” Historia came closer to Ymir’s face to look her in the eyes. She knew that she had to tell the truth or Historia was going to kill her. </p>
<p>“Because I got nervous and apparently, it’s really easy and comfortable to call you my girlfriend,” Ymir knew that wasn’t the full truth, but it was the best that she was going to get. Looking at Historia, Ymir saw her face drop. She’s guessing that her answer isn’t what Historia wanted. </p>
<p>“Hm, if it’s so easy to call me your girlfriend, then why don’t you always call me it?” Historia said as she crossed her arms in front of her. Ymir felt her jaw drop, she was unsure what to say back to Historia. </p>
<p>“Since you’re not my girlfriend. We aren’t dating,” Ymir mumbled back to Historia. She avoided looking into her eyes, afraid of what she would see. </p>
<p>“Well, you’re missing out. I think I’m quite the catch,” Historia looked out the window as she spoke to Ymir. There was sorrow in her voice, but Ymir couldn’t figure out exactly why. </p>
<p>“What? You want to date me or something?” Ymir laughed as she punched Historia in the arm. She hoped that the laugh would cover up the nervousness in her voice. </p>
<p>“Wouldn’t mind it. You’re not too bad looking,” Historia still sounded sad, but there was a little smile on her face as she looked back to Ymir. </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t mind it either. You’re pretty cute,” Ymir smiled at Historia as she spoke. They spent the rest of their time together at the ice cream shop, smiling at each other and chatting here and there. Ymir felt guilty for saying all of that to Historia because she knew that it was a lie. She knew that Historia was an amazing girl and in another reality, she would love to date Historia. However, this wasn’t a different reality. Historia had left her. Obviously, she had reasons, but she still left her. Historia still chose others instead of her. Historia still broke her heart, sure she showed remorse for it, but was the remorse real? Did she actually care or was this way for Historia to come back and hurt her even more? </p>
<p>Ymir didn’t even notice that she was staring off until Historia waved her hand in front of her face. Before speaking, Ymir had to let her eyes readjust when she turned to Historia. Historia had a kind, but concerned look on her face. Looking down, Ymir noticed that Historia was still holding onto her hand and was rubbing it with her thumb. She knew that Historia had kindness in her, but Ymir couldn’t bring herself to fully let go of what had happened in the past. </p>
<p>“You in the mood to do anything else or should I drive you home?” Ymir asked Historia, she hoped that she would want to stay a little longer. However, she knew that the two girls would probably have homework they needed to do. </p>
<p>“I have homework I need to do. If you want to come over, then maybe we can do it together?” Historia nervously asked Ymir. Smiling at Historia, Ymir was happy that Historia still wanted the two of them to spend time together. She knew it would hurt when they stopped talking, but at least in this moment the two of them were happy.</p>
<p>“Sounds wonderful. We’ll have to run by my house to grab your clothes, then go to your house. It’ll be nice to see your parents again,” Ymir smiled at Historia, as she stood up from the booth. She extended her hand to Historia, motioning for the two of them to leave. Once in the car, Ymir kept her right hand on the gear shift as she drove. Historia surprised her by reaching over and placing her hand onto Ymir’s. Briefly looking down, Ymir looked down and smiled at the sweet gesture. </p>
<p>At Historia’s, Ymir slowly parked and watched as Historia first got out and then motioned for Ymir to follow her. Taking a deep breath, she turned off the ignition and stepped out of the car. At the front door, Historia held Ymir’s hand as they walked in. Quickly, Historia’s parents were on them before they knew it. Her mother and father led the two girls to the couch and sat them down, attacking them with questions before they could even take a deep breath.</p>
<p>“Was it fun?” Historia’s mother asked them as soon as they sat down. </p>
<p>“Yeah, it was really fun. We are super tired though,” Historia said. Ymir looked down and saw that she was still holding onto her hand. </p>
<p>“Oh I bet you girls are. Historia, we left some pictures and that picture album on your bed. We thought that you would like to see the ones we added,” Historia’s father said with a smile. He motioned for the girls to head upstairs to Historia’s room. </p>
<p>Once in Historia’s room, Ymir saw the picture album that her and Historia had made when they were children. It was filled with almost every photo the two had taken together since they first became friends. It was something that Historia was adamant about having when the two girls hung out for the first time. It was her idea of a craft for a play date because she just knew that the two would spend their life as friends. Ymir smiled to herself, reflecting on the fond memories. She almost didn’t notice Historia tucking away a piece of paper that was on top of it. </p>
<p>“Hey… What does that paper say?” Ymir said, moving forward to see where Historia put it. </p>
<p>“Uh, what paper?” Historia gave her a nervous smile. It was obvious she was hiding something. </p>
<p>“Come on Historia, you can just show it to me. I bet it’s nothing,” Ymir said as she nudged Historia’s arm. She saw a blush grow on Historia’s face as she slowly took her hand out of her pocket and opened it. </p>
<p>“Here you go,” Historia whispered, looking away. Ymir slowly took the paper out of her hands. It was a note from her father. It read,</p>
<p>“You two make a beautiful couple. Happiness is a beautiful emotion on you.” </p>
<p>Gathering her thoughts, Ymir was unsure of what to say to Historia. She knew that the two of them were touchy the day before when they were taking pictures, but what would give them the idea that they were dating? Did Historia say something to her parents that would make them think that they were going to date? She hoped not. Not only would she disappoint Historia, but her parents, when she made her decision. </p>
<p>“Aw, that’s cute. Should we look at the pictures?” Ymir asked, handing the paper back to Historia. Nodding at Ymir, Historia sat down on her bed and opened up the picture album to the most recent photos. Ymir sat down next to Historia, but stopped her hand when she flipped to the end of the book.</p>
<p>“I haven’t seen this in a while. Why don’t we start at the beginning?” Looking at Historia, Ymir quickly got her answer and flipped to the front of the album. The two stayed in silence as they looked through the photos. Ymir loved to point out all of the embarrassing photos of them together. She didn’t remember how physically affectionate the two were when they were kids. In her memories, she remembered how they were always hugging, but the photos almost tell another story. In almost every photo, Historia is holding onto Ymir for dear life. Sometimes, the little blonde was kissing Ymir’s cheek or was holding her hand. Ymir was so engrossed with the photos that she didn’t even notice when Historia laid her head on her shoulder. </p>
<p>The two eventually got to their last photo taken. It was their first day of middle school. Historia was wrapped around Ymir’s arm and the two were holding hands as well. Both of the girls had very flushed faces. However, there was no mistaking how happy they were happy together. Flipping the page, Ymir saw that they had unknowingly taken the same photo the day before. Apparently, Historia’s father had noticed that and placed them back to back. Next to the picture, some words read, </p>
<p>“Historia finally got her soulmate back. Our second daughter is home once again.” </p>
<p>Ymir did her best to hold back the tears that were starting to form. She knew how much they cared about her, but there was no way that she could handle having Historia in her life. Ymir could feel that if she stayed something bad would happen. All of it would fall apart once again if she stayed. She knew that it would hurt less if she was the one to throw it all away. </p>
<p>A tap on her shoulder woke her up from her cloud of thoughts. Looking to her side, she saw Historia looking at her with a concerned look on her face. Sending her a smile, Ymir hoped that would be enough to keep Historia from asking any questions. The two continued to look through the photos, remembering how many different poses Historia’s parents had made the two of them do. Ymir noticed that none of the photos had Connie or Sasha in them. She assumed that they wanted to keep this photo album just the two of them. Flipping to the last page, the two were surprised when they saw an envelope. On the outside, it said it was for Ymir. Opening it, she saw that there were more printouts of the photos from the day before. Smiling, Ymir pulled out her favorite photo of the two of them. It was a candid photo where Historia had her face pressed against Ymir’s arm, looking up at her, as the two spoke. Ymir pulled out her wallet and folded the picture, making sure not to crease Historia’s face, and placed it where she could always open it and see Historia. </p>
<p>“Now, my parents are really going to think that we are dating,” Historia said, looking at the picture. You could see part of Ymir, but the way that Ymir had folded it made Historia the main focus. </p>
<p>“Maybe we should if everyone thinks we are,” Ymir flashed a smile, but Historia could see through the smug. </p>
<p>“Okay asshole. You think you’re so funny with your bad jokes.” Punching Ymir in the arm, Historia turned back to look at the photos. Looking at Historia, a wave of guilt started to wash over Ymir. She didn’t know why she said that. It slipped out. For some reason, she couldn’t bite down on her tongue and stop what she was saying. Ymir was obviously going to give Historia the wrong impression. </p>
<p>“Hey, do you want to do some homework? Don’t forget we have school tomorrow,” Ymir nudged Historia in the arm, trying to get her to move, so that Ymir could grab her bag. </p>
<p>“Yeah, that would be smart. I’ve got a lot to do,” Historia spoke as she slid off of the bed. She walked over to her bag and pulled out a couple of notebooks and an agenda. Once she was back on the bed, she pulled out her math homework and started working. Ymir watched her as she solved the math problems, surprised that she could actually do them. </p>
<p>A couple of hours went by as the two girls worked on homework side by side. Before she knew it, it was dark already and Ymir had to get home before her mother. Ymir knew that this day would eventually end, but thinking about what she had to do the next day crushed her. As Historia told Ymir that she should probably get going, Ymir found herself making excuses to stay. Looking at Historia, she could tell that she wasn’t buying her act, but gave into it for a little longer. Finally, the brunette gathered her things together and started to walk down the stairs, but was stopped when a small hand grabbed hers. </p>
<p>“Here’s your hoodie. Just thought you would want it back,” Historia handed it to Ymir and started to walk down the stairs in front of her to let her out. Ymir found her feet glued to the floor. A part of her wanted to take her hoodie back, but another part wanted to leave at least some part of her with Historia. She knew that the things she had to say would hurt her, so Historia would need something to be angry at. She knew that Historia would need something to hold when she was gone. </p>
<p>“Actually, keep it. I have a ton of these already,” Ymir smiled at Historia before turning around. She saw Historia shrug and kept walking down the stairs. </p>
<p>Once in Historia’s room, Ymir folded the hoodie and placed it on Historia’s pillow. She found a piece of paper and pulled out a pen that she had in her pocket. Scribbling on the paper, she wrote a quick note and tucked it into the hood. She knew that when Historia would put on the hoodie, that it would fall out. Thinking to herself, Ymir tried to justify what she had written down. </p>
<p>“Ymir!” Historia’s father boomed as she came down the stairs. She saw that the three of them were waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. Raising her eyebrows at Historia, she saw that Historia was confused as well. </p>
<p>“Hey! What’s up? I’m about to go home?” She asked, looking between Historia and her father. </p>
<p>“We just wanted to tell you two… We think you’re a gorgeous couple!” Historia’s mother said, taking both of them by surprise. Ymir looked at Historia, trying to read her face. She was unsure what to do in this situation. Ymir knew that she could lie and agree with them or tell them the truth. As Ymir was trying to decide, Historia grabbed her hand and turned to her parents. </p>
<p>“Thanks Mom and Dad,” Historia smiled at them as she spoke. Ymir couldn’t help, but smile at Historia, especially after everything she’s been through with her parents. </p>
<p>“You’ll always have a place here with us. Drive safe tonight,” Historia’s father clapped Ymir on the shoulder and gave her a little squeeze. She finished up saying goodbye to Historia’s parents, as her and Historia walked out to the front door. Ymir sat in the driver’s seat, the door open, while Historia stood in front of her. Looking up at Historia, she seemed to have a somber look on her face. </p>
<p>“You want to sit and talk for a little before I leave?” Ymir asked, motioned to the passenger seat. Historia nodded and walked around. Sitting down, Historia turned to face Ymir. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry about them. I think they just got excited after yesterday, you know?” Historia’s voice was soft. She seemed afraid to pop the ever-growing bubble that was around them. Historia must have known as well that this wasn’t ever going to work out. </p>
<p>“It’s okay. I don’t blame them. If I saw my daughter and her friend that close, I would think they were dating too,” Ymir laughed as she spoke. She could only imagine how they looked to everyone else. Historia was quiet for the next couple of minutes before speaking up again. </p>
<p>“Do you… regret yesterday?” </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Ymir watched as Historia left the car and entered her house. She stayed there for another minute, collecting her thoughts before driving off. The drive back home was quiet and slow. In her head, Ymir was trying to figure out how she’ll end things with Historia. She got what she wanted. Now, it was time to leave Historia. However, the question was how. Ymir knew that she would need to call Sasha or Connie to talk it over. Luckily for her, the two of them didn’t like Historia, so it would make it easier for her. </p>
<p>Once at her house, she heard that her mother was still not home. Ymir heated up dinner and went to her room. In her bed, she took out her phone, contemplating who she should call. If she called Connie, then she knew that his advice would be to just cut to the chase and not spend any time apologizing. If she called Sasha, then she would either side with what Connie said or tell her to write it all down. If Ymir really wanted to, she could call Hitch and ask her what to say, but Hitch could also tell Historia. </p>
<p>After a couple of rings, Sasha picked up the call and her face was staring back at Ymir’s. Ymir didn’t know what to say and tried to form words, but couldn’t. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong dumbass?” Sasha asked Ymir. She could obviously tell that something was bugging the brunette. </p>
<p>“I know why Historia stopped talking to me,” Ymir blurted out. She hadn’t even intended to mention it, but here she was, about to spill Historia’s secrets. </p>
<p>“Okay, why did she?” Sasha’s voice was clearly unenthusiastic. Perhaps Ymir had interrupted something. </p>
<p>“Apparently, when we were kids, she had feelings for me. Also, she went to conversion therapy,” Ymir’s voice was wavering as she spoke. Showing Sasha how nervous she really was. </p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, that makes sense now. So, are you guys going to date now?” Sasha asked. Now, she sounded like she wanted to have a conversation. </p>
<p>“Date? In what world? I’m going to tell her that I’m done with her tomorrow. That we will never talk again,” Ymir tried to speak confidently, but it was difficult when she did not even believe what she was saying. </p>
<p>“Are you fucking crazy? Don’t do that,” Sasha sounded pissed off. Ymir couldn’t tell why Sasha would care that much about Historia to be mad at Ymir for this. </p>
<p>“Why? You hate her! I got what I wanted, now I’m done,” Ymir was now beginning to get mad at Sasha. Why would she even dare to try to protect her? There was no reason. </p>
<p>“I don’t! I actually like Historia, especially after yesterday. Ymir, did you not see how much she was trying to be our friend? She brought her pen to homecoming for us and actively was trying to make conversation with me. Also, we see how you look at her. Just change your plan and date her.”</p>
<p>“No! Why would I ever date her? She’s the one who left me! I would be an idiot if I wanted to date her. She’s an ass-” Ymir was cut off by Sasha before she could finish her thoughts. </p>
<p>“Ymir! She’s not an asshole and you know this. I know that when you get comfortable with someone, you run. We’ve seen you do it many times before with people. It was okay before, but now we like her! Even Connie likes Historia! Why can’t you let yourself be happy with her? Why do you have to run away? You’re going to break her heart,” Sasha was practically yelling at Ymir through the phone and had to stop to catch her breath. Ymir let her words sink in before responding. </p>
<p>“If she had real feelings for me, I would know. Whatever you think you see or know is a lie, that’s just how she operates,” with that, Ymir ended the call with Sasha. She didn’t mean to lash out against her, but she was so angry with Historia that she couldn’t keep it in. </p>
<p>Ymir wished that Historia didn’t have this control over her. She didn’t understand how Historia could make her feel all of these things. She didn’t want Historia to do this to her. Ymir knew that if she stayed with Historia, even a day more, then it would spell trouble for her. Ymir couldn’t let herself get attached and heartbroken by her. Every person that she loves in this life breaks her heart. First her father, then Historia. A second heartbreak from Historia would be enough to make her swear off love for the rest of her life. She vowed to never let Historia have that hold on her again. Ymir knew that tomorrow, when she first sees Historia, she’s ending it. </p>
<p>Standing up, Ymir walked to the kitchen and threw out her dinner. She lost her appetite from fighting with Sasha. Standing there, she eyed the bottle of vodka that her mother kept. Ymir knew that she drank enough to not notice if she took some. As if she called it, her mother texted her to tell her that she wouldn’t be home that night because of some weather. Grabbing the handle, Ymir walked back to her room, placing it on her nightstand to wait there while she showered. </p>
<p>Out of the shower, Ymir found a shirt and a pair of boxers to throw on. Pulling her hair back into a small ponytail, she grabbed the bottle and twisted off the cap. The smell of alcohol filled her nose and she tried to hold back a gag. Taking a deep breath, Ymir took a swig of the vodka. Her mouth and throat burned as she drank. Once she drank as much as she could handle, Ymir placed the bottle back down and tried to keep down the liquid. Her belly slowly grew warm and felt as her face did the same. Drinking a couple more times, Ymir finally started to feel her body to grow relaxed. The tension from the day slowly drifted off and she allowed herself to forget about Historia. </p>
<p>However, her luck did not stay for long because shortly after Ymir started to feel the effects of alcohol, she got a text from Historia. Ymir screwed the top of the bottle back on and placed it on the ground. Opening her phone, she saw that Historia had sent her a photo of her wearing Ymir’s hoodie and a text that read,</p>
<p>“I love you too dork. Don’t know why you can’t just say that in person. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow! &lt;3”</p>
<p>Ymir couldn’t stop herself from staring at the photo. It looked like Historia was just wearing the hoodie, which fit her like a dress. Thinking to herself, Ymir let this slide because she wouldn’t let herself do this after they stopped talking. A couple of minutes passed before Ymir remembered that she needed to respond to Historia. </p>
<p>Ymir:</p>
<p>jesus christ, you look really fucking hot. i love you, see you tomorrow babe.</p>
<p>After hitting send, Ymir could feel herself regretting the text already. Her chest got tighter and tighter as the minutes went by. The guilt was overwhelming for her and it didn’t get easier with each passing day. Ymir didn’t want to leave Historia, but she knew that she had to leave her. There was no way for her to be happy with Historia. They needed another universe to be happy in, sadly for them, this wasn’t the right universe for them. It’ll never be, Ymir thought as she drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you liked it! The next chapter is going to be a whirlwind. It will also follow Historia, so I think it'll be interesting. Also, you might be angry with Ymir after this chapter and I don't blame you. It is her trauma brain though, that is causing the problem. That's why she is also having so much cognitive dissonance. Praying for her ngl. </p>
<p>I've been thinking about writing another fic or a oneshot, so I just wanted to hear what y'all might like. I'm thinking about doing something with Mikasa and Annie. I either want to do a cottagecore type of thing or maybe Mikasa is in the mafia, Annie is a cop thing. Tell me what you think! Anyway, comments and recommendations are always welcomed! I love hearing your thoughts! The next chapter will take longer to write because it'll be a lot that'll happen, so expect it in a week or two. Have a nice day!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Fake Plastic Trees</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Click.</p>
<p>Click. </p>
<p>Click. </p>
<p>Historia turned on her side, staring at the clock in the dark. It was hard to read the hands, but she could see the second hand moving, every second. Sleep wasn’t her friend anymore, not since everything fell apart with Ymir. A month had passed and Historia felt empty as ever. The only times that Historia could indulge in her feelings and think about what happened, was during the void of night. The nighttime hours stood still for her. Nothing helped her sleep anymore. Occasionally, crying helped, but at this point, that didn’t do anything. Historia knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t stop herself from sleeping in Ymir’s hoodie. Wrapping her arms around herself, she tried to imagine how it felt to have Ymir hugging her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! The chapter is a little early this time around! It's roughly around 8k words. There is a time skip with about a month in this chapter. I hope you really enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Click.</p>
<p>Click. </p>
<p>Click. </p>
<p>Historia turned on her side, staring at the clock in the dark. It was hard to read the hands, but she could see the second hand moving, every second. Sleep wasn’t her friend anymore, not since everything fell apart with Ymir. A month had passed and Historia felt empty as ever. The only times that Historia could indulge in her feelings and think about what happened, was during the void of night. The nighttime hours stood still for her. Nothing helped her sleep anymore. Occasionally, crying helped, but at this point, that didn’t do anything. Historia knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t stop herself from sleeping in Ymir’s hoodie. Wrapping her arms around herself, she tried to imagine how it felt to have Ymir hugging her. </p>
<p>“We didn’t even date. God, I’m so stupid for thinking that she would have stayed. I heard her tell them so many times that she was going to leave me,” Historia whispered to herself. The words stayed still in the air, with no one else to hear them. </p>
<p>Flipping on her back, she stared up at the ceiling. Her eyes traced over the popcorn ceiling of her room. She tried to find patterns, but none were to be found. Historia could still hear the words echoing in her ears, “I hate you.” It was still hard to believe that those words were even said to her in the first place. Ymir had promised her the world that weekend, but brought it falling down that Monday morning. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Walking into the school, Historia was ecstatic to say at the least. She had an amazing weekend with Ymir by her side constantly and it seemed like maybe Ymir would suck it up and ask her out. Historia laughed to herself, thinking about how flushed Ymir got when she would kiss her cheek or hold her hand. Touching Ymir lit up her world. Her touch was electric, leaving tingles all over her skin, begging for more. </p>
<p>Lost in her thoughts, Historia didn’t even notice it when she bumped into Hitch. She was so focused on trying to find Ymir that she wasn’t watching where she was walking. </p>
<p>“Historia!” Hitch exclaimed when she saw who bumped into her. </p>
<p>“Hey Hitch, how was your weekend?” Historia said, as she looked around trying to spot Ymir in the crowds. </p>
<p>“Pretty good. Now explain why Ymir was calling you her girlfriend,” Hitch crossed her arms as she looked at Historia. Her eyes gleamed with interest, like when she was with Marlo. </p>
<p>“All she said was that it’s easy to call me her girlfriend and she got scared. I know as much as you. If I were you, I would just ask her,” Historia started to walk away from Hitch, but was stopped when she felt a hand grab her arm. </p>
<p>“I’ll ask her, but Jesus Christ, can you two just date already? I really don’t want Marlo to know that we were lying,” Hitch laughed as she started to walk away. </p>
<p>Historia just smiled in Hitch’s direction as she walked off to where Ymir, Connie, and Sasha usually were. She quickly noticed them and waved to Sasha, who was looking in her direction. Turning back to Ymir, Sasha said something quickly and seemed to have an angry expression. Connie was simply looking down at his feet, he seemed to look almost sad. Finally looking at Ymir, she looked pale with a sorrow look. Historia wondered what could have happened to make Ymir look so miserable. Walking faster, Historia tried to catch up to Ymir, but was surprised when Ymir turned around and walked away from Connie and Sasha. Historia then heard Sasha yell out to Ymir,</p>
<p>“Oh nice! Now you’re being a pussy, own up to your actions Ymir! She’s here now!”</p>
<p>Historia didn’t know what she had meant by that, but Sasha looked pissed at Ymir. Thinking to herself, the only “She” they could be referring to, would be Historia. Was this what she thought it was? Was this weekend a lie? It couldn’t be. Ymir had promised Historia that she wasn’t going to leave her. </p>
<p>“Ymir! What is Sasha talking about? Can you please come back here?” Her voice cracked as she called out. The more she looked at the three of them, the more that Historia knew what was about to happen. Ymir was going to leave her. She got closure and now Ymir was going to be gone again. </p>
<p>Slowly, Ymir started walking back to Historia. Her face was unreadable, but looking at Connie and Sasha, she knew it was bad. All that Historia could do was pray that she was wrong. Pray that Ymir was truthful to her this weekend. Deep down, Historia knew that she couldn’t lose Ymir, not again. Ymir was her person. She had always been her person no matter what. If Ymir came to her over the years, in need of someone, then Historia would have been that someone. </p>
<p>“Historia… I can’t do this anymore.” Ymir’s voice was still as she spoke. However, she didn’t lift her face to look her in the eyes. The air grew quiet around them. Historia’s body went tense as the words replayed in her mind. Looking around, she saw the angry expression on Sasha’s face was now mixed with surprise. Connie still looked sad, but tried to offer Historia an apologetic smile. </p>
<p>“How?” Was all that Historia could breathe out. Moving around, Historia tried to look at Ymir’s face, but each time, Ymir pulled away and looked somewhere else. Ymir stayed silent instead of responding to Historia. That only angered her. Now, Historia wanted to slap Ymir across the face. </p>
<p>“I. Said. How,” Historia growled the words out between her teeth. Now she knew that Ymir was feeding her lies all weekend. Every word that she said was a lie. Every action was a lie. Every look was a lie. Every touch was a lie. Everything was a lie. However, Ymir stayed silent. </p>
<p>“I heard you when we went to bed. You said you were in love with me,” Historia’s voice cracked as she let her anger turn into sadness. Tears started to build around her eyes as she stared at Ymir’s form, not budging at all. </p>
<p>“I lied. I,” Ymir’s voice cracked as she spoke, “I hate you.” Ymir turned to walk away from Historia. However, before Historia could process what she was doing, she grabbed Ymir’s arm and yanked her back. She stood tall as she looked at Ymir’s form, slouching and looking at the ground. </p>
<p>“This is for me,” Historia raised her hand and slapped Ymir’s face before speaking again, “and this is for lying to my parents.” With that, Historia backhanded Ymir’s other cheek. She didn’t even notice what she had done until she pulled her hand back. Ymir’s face was red from the slaps, but didn’t show any indication that she would do anything about it. </p>
<p>“The least you could do is look at me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you hate me,” Her voice deepened as she spoke. She felt her anger overcoming herself. It took all of the restraint in her to not slap Ymir again. The tears were falling from her face and she wanted Ymir to see what she was doing to her. </p>
<p>Slowly, Ymir lifted her face up to look at Historia. Her eyes were filled with tears as well, but didn’t let them fall. Her eye bags were dark, showing Historia that she hadn’t slept the night before. Ymir’s face read as sad and in pain, but her words were telling another story. Historia couldn’t figure out what to believe. </p>
<p>“I hate you Historia Reiss,” Ymir’s voice was quiet as she spoke. Her eyes stared into Historia’s, telling her those words. Behind her, Historia heard Sasha and Connie gasp. The two kept staring at each other for a couple of more minutes. Historia let the tears fall from her face, but didn’t make a move to wipe them away. She knew that she needed to memorize her face. It would be the last time that she would allow herself to look in Ymir’s direction. She looked at the face she loved more than anything, but it was also the face that told her that it hated her. Historia felt herself sobbing when she realized that she still loved Ymir, even though Ymir didn’t love her.</p>
<p>Running off, Historia heard Sasha yelling at Ymir before running her direction. As she looked behind her, Historia saw that Ymir had laid her head into her hands and that Sasha was walking towards her. She didn’t know what was Sasha’s intention, but whatever it was, she couldn’t handle it right now and kept on walking. Historia finally stopped when she felt Sasha’s hand grip her shoulder. </p>
<p>“Historia, I tried to stop her. Neither of us wanted her to do this,” Sasha sounded apologetic, but at this moment, Historia was fuming. She knew that Sasha wasn’t to blame for this, but Historia couldn’t help herself wonder if her words to Ymir caused her to do this. </p>
<p>“Sasha, I know what you told her. This is your fault too,” Historia snapped at her, then turned on her heels and left. She was adamant on finding her first class as soon as possible. The tears were still falling from her face, so Historia turned into the bathroom that was coming up and went into the first open stall. </p>
<p>Standing there, Historia finally let herself break down and cry. Holding a hand over her mouth, Historia tried to muffle her sobs. She was afraid of someone walking in and hearing her crying in the bathroom. The hand did little to stop the sounds from coming out because a knock on the door came. </p>
<p>“Hey, Historia? Is that you? I noticed your shoes,” a quiet voice spoke. </p>
<p>Opening the door, Historia came face to face with Hitch. Her face was soft as she took in Historia’s expression. Softly pushing Historia aside, Hitch walked into the stall with her. Hitch didn’t ask any questions as she opened her arms up, letting Historia walk into a hug. Holding her tightly, Historia let herself sob even more. The two stayed together for a bit before Hitch spoke up. </p>
<p>“What happened?” Her voice was barely audible to Historia over her sobs. She just held on tighter to Hitch. </p>
<p>“Ymir…” Historia tried to hold back her tears to speak, “she told me that she couldn’t talk to me anymore. She said that she- she- she hated me.” </p>
<p>“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m gonna kill her,” Hitch squeezed Historia tighter as she spoke. Though her words were angry, her voice was still quiet and calm. </p>
<p>“We should get to class right?” Historia asked as she pulled away from the hug. She watched as Hitch tried to suppress a chuckle as she looked at Historia. The action warranted a punch in the boob from Historia. </p>
<p>“Ow! That hurt! I just need to clean up your makeup. It seems like you’ve cried it off,” Hitch ruffled Historia’s hair in an attempt to lighten the mood. Opening the stall, Hitch led the two of them out of the bathroom. They walked to the sink where Hitch could clean up Historia’s makeup. She took her time to get all of the mascara wiped off. Hitch then took out her own spare mascara and reapplied it to Historia’s lashes. Once she was done, she patted Historia’s shoulder and turned her to the mirror. In the mirror, Historia saw that Hitch had wiped away all of the messy makeup. If it wasn’t for her puffy eyes, then no one would have noticed that she was crying. </p>
<p>“I have one of Marlo’s hoodies if you want to wear that and just wallow in it. He’s close to six feet tall and you’re short, so it’ll be like a dress on you,” Hitch said as she turned around to grab the hoodie from her bag. Pulling it out, she gave it to Historia to put on. </p>
<p>“Thanks Hitch. Do you want to go to class now?” Historia’s voice was quiet as she spoke. Hitch nodded at her and wrapped her arm around her shoulders. The two walked to Historia’s first class and Hitch waved goodbye to her. Sitting down in class, Historia listened to the teacher drone on about the subject for the day.</p>
<p>Before she knew it, Historia’s first and second classes of the day were done. Walking to the cafeteria, Historia wondered where she would sit because at that point, she started to sit with Ymir. Turning the corner, she saw a tall brunette accompanied by her two friends. Sasha’s expression changed when she spotted Historia, causing Ymir to turn around. Her eyes widened at Historia, but quickly her face fell and she turned back around. Sasha sent a smile her way before turning back to Ymir, which she then smacked the back of Ymir’s head. </p>
<p>Historia was surprised when she felt an arm around her shoulders, turning to her right she saw that it was Hitch once again. The girl kept her arm around her shoulders as she led the two of them to a table in the corner of the cafeteria, where they wouldn’t be bothered. </p>
<p>“How are you feeling now?” Hitch asked after the two sat down and started to pull out food from their lunchboxes. </p>
<p>“Still horrible. I’m not excited to see my parents after today,” Historia kept her head down as she ate. </p>
<p>“Don’t blame you. Do you want to go buy some ice cream with me?” Hitch asked Historia. Looking up, Historia saw that Hitch had a small smile on her face as she looked at her. </p>
<p>“I would love that,” Historia said as she turned around to grab her backpack. Reaching in, she pulled out her wallet. When she opened it, Historia was greeted with Ymir’s face. She had forgotten that she followed in suit and put a picture of the two of them from homecoming in her wallet as well. It was a picture of Ymir holding her like a bride and was kissing her cheek. Ymir’s face was partly obscured by Historia’s face, but the part that you could see was beaming with happiness. </p>
<p>Historia felt herself drop the wallet, letting it fall to the ground, spilling out the contents. Hitch noticed what had happened and walked over to see what was wrong. Seeing the photo of Historia and Ymir, she could tell what made Historia drop her wallet. She quickly cleaned up the fallen contents and placed them back. Kneeling in front of Historia, Hitch placed a hand on her knee and spoke,</p>
<p>“I’ll just go buy us some ice cream. Do you have any favorites?”</p>
<p>The blonde nodded as she grabbed the wallet back from Hitch’s hand. She threw it back into her bag where she didn’t have to see it. </p>
<p>“I like the strawberry shortcake one,” Historia whispered. </p>
<p>“God, you set up the joke shorty,” Hitch laughed as she stood up. She patted Historia on the shoulder before turning around and walking towards the lunchline. Historia watched her disappear out of sight and went back to picking at her food. She didn’t even notice when a certain boy walked up to her.</p>
<p>“Hey Historia,” his voice was soft as he spoke. Looking up, Historia was shocked to see that Connie was speaking to her. She guessed that she must have had a shocked look on her face because a small smile appeared on his face. </p>
<p>“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry about what happened with Ymir. I know you don’t believe Sasha and I when we saw this, but we really like you. We thought that you and Ymir were going to get together after homecoming. I mean we all saw how you looked at each other. Anyway, I hope that Ymir gets her head out of her ass and apologizes. I haven’t seen her as happy as I did on Saturday in a long time. I’m sorry that we didn’t notice that earlier. You deserve to be with her,” as Connie finished speaking, he turned around and walked away. Historia was too stunned by his act to even formulate a response to him. Before she knew it, Hitch was back with the ice cream. </p>
<p>“Hey shortcake, here’s your ice cream,” Hitch handed her the package before sitting down. Historia was still in shock to respond to Hitch. She pulled the ice cream out of the package and took a bite. The processed ice cream was a staple in the school. It wasn’t good by any means, but there was something about the cake batter and taste of food dye that was so lovable to all. </p>
<p>“Thanks for the ice cream. Connie came over to apologize while you were in the lunch line. Didn’t think he was the guy to do that,” Historia spoke softly, taking bites in between breaths. </p>
<p>“Really? Did Sasha say something to you as well or was it just him?” Hitch asked. She started to pack up her bag as she finished her ice cream. </p>
<p>“She did. After I left Ymir, she ran after me and apologized. However, I yelled at her, which didn’t help the situation,” Historia kept her head down in embarrassment as she spoke. </p>
<p>“I bet she understood why you snapped. Don’t worry, I’ll smack Ymir when I see her on the bus today,” Hitch laughed as she walked around the table to Historia. </p>
<p>“I already smacked her earlier, so you don’t have to. However, I would still appreciate it,” Historia grabbed her bag and stood up. The two walked together to their last class of the day. Luckily for them, it was a movie day. The two girls found some comfy seats and laid down for the rest of class. Hitch kept her mind off of Ymir by telling her about Marlo. Historia had never seen Hitch look so interested in anything before. Her eyes gleamed as she spoke and it was clear to anybody listening that she loved this boy more than anything. </p>
<p>Eventually the bell rang and it was time for them to go home. Hitch walked Historia to her bus and gave her a hug before leaving. Historia watched as she walked down the line of buses, found a tall brunette, and smacked the back of her head. The gesture made Historia chuckle as she walked onto the bus. Luckily for her there weren't a lot of people on the bus that day, so finding an empty seat was easy. </p>
<p>Historia kept her head down as the bus filled up, but her interest was piqued when she heard two voices laughing from upfront. Looking up, she saw Mikasa and Annie seated next to each other. Historia watched as Mikasa leaned over and kissed Annie’s cheek. She guessed that after homecoming the two had actually gotten together as a couple. The small gesture brought tears to her eyes, bringing her head back down to look at her feet. </p>
<p>The ride back home felt longer that day when Historia knew what was awaiting her back home. After the past weekend, Historia’s parents thought the two were dating or were going to date soon. She wasn’t looking forward to crushing their dreams. Historia still hasn't processed what had happened that day. It came out of left field and crushed everything. How did Ymir go from the perfect, lovable one from the weekend to the miserable one who brought her heart today? What did Historia do that warranted this change in her behavior? </p>
<p>Once the bus was at her stop, Historia found herself taking small steps back to her house. Her parents were going to bombard her with questions as always, but today she was obviously not in the mood for it. At her house, Historia looked around and saw that her parents weren’t home. She grabbed a drink and a snack before she walked up to her room. </p>
<p>Closing her door, Historia finally took a deep breath. She felt as her heart rate got slower and slower. Placing her food and drink next to her bed, she climbed under the covers. Historia decided that she should text her parents and tell them that she doesn't feel well, so that they’ll leave her alone. Turning on her side, Historia saw that she had left Ymir’s hoodie on her bed. The tears quickly came back to her eyes. </p>
<p>“How? How do you hate me Ymir?” Historia whispered as she picked up the hoodie and held onto it. She could still smell hints of Ymir, which only made the tears fall quicker from her face. </p>
<p>Historia let herself hold onto the hoodie as she cried. The hoodie was the closest thing she would ever get to Ymir again. Ymir was gone again. She came in like a whirlwind and made Historia remember what happiness felt like, but as quick as she came in, she left. Historia couldn’t believe that she had let herself believe that her and Ymir were going to date. It was foolish to indulge in a childhood dream once again. But how could Ymir lie about everything? The longing touches, the comments about wanting to be together, how could all of that be a lie?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A quick knock came from her door and Historia heard her mother slip in. Historia was still gripping onto the hoodie with her dear life and hoped that her mother couldn’t see it. </p>
<p>“Hey honey, I got your text. What hurts?” Her mother spoke softly as she sat down on her bed. Historia was still facing away, but couldn’t hold in the tears any longer. Turning to her mother, she felt her lip quiver as she spoke,</p>
<p>“Ym- Ymir ended it.” </p>
<p>Looking at her mother’s face, Historia saw the shock grow on her face. Her mother leaned in and took Historia into a hug. Historia finally let herself come undone and sob in her mother’s arms. Her mother held Historia’s head and rubbed her back with her hand as she cried. She grabbed her mother’s shirt as she sobbed. Eventually, she couldn’t cry anymore and her voice grew hoarse. Pulling away, she saw that her mother’s face was wet with tears as well. </p>
<p>“I really loved her, Mom. I don’t know what I did wrong.”</p>
<p>Historia’s mother nodded as she held onto Historia. The two held each other for a while longer, until Historia calmed down enough to speak more clearly. Once she could take a deep breath without her lip quivering, Historia pulled away to talk to her mother. </p>
<p>“I thought we had a good weekend together. I mean you saw her, right? We were doing so well and this happened,” Historia spoke slowly as to not start crying again. </p>
<p>“I know sweetie. I saw it too. I really thought you two were going to be together. Whatever Ymir said to you, I don’t think she meant it. There’s no way that she really wants you out of her life,” Her mother sounded like she didn’t even believe her own words. </p>
<p>“Mom… She said she hated me,” Historia’s own words were cut off by one of her own cries. She laid her head in her hands as she let herself cry. </p>
<p>“I don’t believe that. In all of my years I’ve known Ymir, I’ve never seen her as happy as she was on Saturday,” her mother’s voice was more sure now as she spoke. </p>
<p>“I hope so… But it still hurts,” Historia turned away from her mother and went back to laying on her side. Her mother nodded and patted her side before leaving her room. All by herself, Historia pulled out her phone to distract her. Her first thought was to text Ymir since it was second nature now, but now that wasn’t an option. </p>
<p>Going on Instagram, Historia tried to find Sasha’s account. She owed her an apology from snapping at her earlier. Luckily for Historia, she was still following Ymir and she had posted photos of them from homecoming. She sent a quick text to her, trying to write the best apology that she could muster in the state she was in. </p>
<p>“Hey Sasha… I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier. I was just angry and emotional after what happened with Ymir. Thank you for checking on me after it though, I really appreciate that kind gesture. Also, I couldn’t find Connie’s instagram. Could you pass a message along to him from me? Could you tell him that I’m thankful for him checking in on and I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything. I was shocked that he came up and I couldn’t think of any words. Thank you. I’m really sorry that everything fell apart with Ymir because I really liked you Sasha and I thought we were becoming good friends. I’ll miss you.” </p>
<p>Historia’s hands shook as she hit send. She was afraid of what Sasha was going to say to her, but everything she wrote in the text was honest and from her heart. Historia was growing fond of Sasha and she appreciated Connie, even though the two barely talked. She knew that the two of them would side with Ymir over Historia, but part of her wished that she could keep talking to them and see if a friendship was possible. </p>
<p>While Historia was lost in her thoughts, she didn’t even notice when her phone buzzed, indicating that she had gotten a message. Looking at her phone, she saw that Sasha had already responded. Lightly picking up her phone like it was poisonous, Historia swiped it open and went back to Instagram. There she finally saw what Sasha had written in response.</p>
<p>“Hey Historia! I hope you’re feeling a bit better from today. I don’t blame you for snapping at me though. If I was in your boat, I would have been angry if someone had bothered me. I’m really sorry about what happened. Ymir had called me yesterday and we spoke. I’ll talk to her today and knock some sense into her. I’ll relay your message to Connie as well. I was wondering if you would ever want to get together, just the two of us. No one else needs to know. I really liked spending time with you and I don’t want to miss out on a friendship because Ymir fucked it up. It is your choice though. I hope you feel better and if you ever need to talk, just text me.”</p>
<p>Reading the text from Sasha put a smile on Historia’s face. She sent a quick text in response, summing up her thoughts and telling the girl thank you. Never did she think that Connie or Sasha would show any kindness towards her because they wanted to. </p>
<p>Laying on her back, Historia looked up at her ceiling as she let herself get lost in her thoughts. Her thoughts trailed from memories of Ymir to Saturday to her childhood. Somehow she always came back to Ymir. Even after this past day, Historia couldn’t bring herself to hate Ymir. No matter what, Historia was bound to always love Ymir. She was someone who walked into her heart and set up camp. Over the past five years, the room in her heart grew dusty while waiting for Ymir. </p>
<p>When the five years were up, Ymir walked back into her heart and dusted all of the furniture off, cleaning it up to stay again. Historia was ready to house her again. She had been ready since the first day that she decided to fail math to get her attention. She had been ready since when she heard that Ymir was working at a bookstore. She had been ready since she saw Ymir in the store and the two talked. </p>
<p>The only thing that she wasn’t ready for was Ymir leaving again. Out of all of her possible outcomes to talking to Ymir again, falling in love again and then getting heart broken wasn’t an option. She hadn’t even thought about what to do if Ymir left again. Historia was so sure that Ymir would want to stay with her and be with her that she ignored the fear. </p>
<p>However, Ymir left. Now that she’s gone, the room in Historia’s heart has no purpose once again. Why wait again like the five years before when she can just board up the room and ward off visitors? Historia didn’t need to open her heart for anyone else. The only person that mattered to her had made false promises to her and left. </p>
<p>Maybe this was revenge, Historia thought to herself. It was possible that Ymir was still angry about how Historia left that she wanted her to feel the same pain as her. It was a reasonable thought, but that meant that Ymir actually hated her. The idea that the one person she loved hated her, crushed Historia. </p>
<p>The thought brought tears to her eyes. Covering her face with her hands, Historia let herself sob even more. She hoped that her hands would partly cover up her cries. Luckily for her, she didn’t hear any knocks at her door. That could mean that her mother had already told her father what was happening. </p>
<p>Flipping on her stomach, Historia brought her pillow to herself, further muffling her cries. Thinking about what had happened on Saturday, it only brought more tears to her eyes. The two had laid on this bed together, holding each other as they watched their movie. It felt like Historia saw a memory from the future. She felt like they were adults, finally allowed to be together without the judgement of others. However, the judgement of others still infected their moments together. Historia couldn’t help, but remember the words of the priests. They told her that Ymir was going to be disgusted with Historia and her feelings. That Ymir was going to leave her again. </p>
<p>Historia had gotten used to blocking out their voices because she knew that they were never true and weren’t going to come true. But, they were right now. How was Historia supposed to ever get past her trauma if they were right? If their voices warned that Ymir was going to leave her and Historia chose to ignore them? </p>
<p>While she was lost in her thoughts, Historia didn’t hear her father come into her room. He lightly tapped on her shoulder to tell her that she came in. She flipped on her side to look at him. Reading his face, it was clear that he was sad as well, but he seemed to have an apologetic look on his face. </p>
<p>“Your mother told me what happened. I’m sorry… I hope that what your mother and I said to her didn’t influence her actions,” her father hung his head down as he spoke. There was a sadness to his voice that Historia hadn’t heard in a long time. </p>
<p>“It’s okay Dad. It wasn’t your fault. I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight, okay?” Historia moved to put her hand on his. She hoped that would reassure him. </p>
<p>“Sleep well sweetie. I’m always here if you want to talk,” he smiled at her as he walked out of her room. </p>
<p>Forcing herself off the bed, Historia picked up her towel and clothes and made her way to the bathroom. <br/>In the shower, Historia sat down, holding her knees to her chest and let the water fall over her. The water washed away the stressors from the current day, but it wouldn’t solve her problem. Historia could only guess why Ymir decided to stop talking to her, but there was no way to get an answer unless she asked her. It may be worth it if she was to text Ymir, but what are the chances that Ymir would respond to her? </p>
<p>Once Historia was out of the shower, she made it back to her room. Staring at the hoodie in front of her, she battled with her mind, who was telling her to throw it out. However, her heart was telling her to wear it and allow her to remember Ymir’s smell and how it felt when she hugged her. She knew that she was going to regret the first option, but the second would just open fresh wounds again. Against her mind, Historia slipped into the hoodie. </p>
<p>Laying on her bed, Historia grabbed her phone and opened it to her text thread with Ymir. She knew it was against her greater judgement, but she needed to at least try to reach out and get an answer that she deserves. Before she knew it, Historia’s fingers were flying over the keys, typing out a message that she was sure that she was going to regret. After hitting send, Historia finally took the time to see what she wrote out. </p>
<p>“The least you could have done was give me a reason for what you did. You can’t just promise a future with someone and then crush their dreams. You knew that I loved you! You saw it! Everyone saw it! It was clearly in your face, but you’re choosing something over me! You’re crazy to think that I’m not important to you. You’re crazy to think that you don’t love me, but that you hate me! Ymir, I know that you secretly love me. Stop pretending that you hate me and please come back. My life isn’t simply the same without you. Please stop running Ymir. Please come back. I will always welcome you back. I love you Ymir.” </p>
<p>Historia didn’t mean to completely confess her love to Ymir, but there was something weird happening to her phone. For some reason, her text wasn’t going through. Turning on and off her wifi connection, Historia saw that it wasn’t helping. The only reason could be that Ymir blocked her, but Ymir wouldn’t do that. Would she?</p>
<p>In a moment of anger, Historia threw her phone to the ground. There was a small thud, but she didn’t give it enough energy to do much damage. Holding her knees to her chest, Historia let herself cry again. She didn’t think that Ymir would truly go that far and block her immediately. How did Historia not see this coming? How was she so blind to Ymir and her trickery? How did she fall again for her smooth talking and charming looks to only get heartbroken again? How did it hurt even more this time? </p>
<p>Sliding off of her bed, Historia grabbed her phone and checked for any damage. Luckily, she didn’t break anything. Turning off her phone, Historia plugged it into the charger and turned off her lights. She slid under the covers and grabbed her pillow. Historia held her pillow to her chest as she let herself cry even more. Crying more and more, Historia found herself drifting off to sleep before she knew it. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>“I was so foolish,” Historia whispered to herself as she stared at her ceiling. The past month consisted of her crying in school whenever she spotted Ymir and crying herself to sleep every night. However, lately she hasn’t been able to sleep. Every single time she would drift off, she would be confronted with a version of her younger self asking how she lost Ymir again. It was haunting. Her younger self would chase her asking again and again what she did wrong. Historia found herself doing everything she could do not to sleep at this point. </p>
<p>Therapy wasn’t helping either. Her therapist was constantly asking about how Historia was coping without Ymir again, but it didn’t help. All she could was try to ignore those questions. Part of her wanted to talk about Ymir, but since Historia didn’t know why she left, it didn’t make sense to keep talking about it. </p>
<p>Everyone knew that Historia was not taking this well. Sasha had offered to hangout with Historia a week after it happened, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Hitch was concerned as well, which was an odd expression on her face. Hitch came over often to check up on Historia. Her parents had grown to like her as well and were always welcoming to her. Historia had started showing up high or would day-drink when she was at school. It was the only thing that she could do that would keep her from crying at school. Was she getting bad grades? Yes. However, she wasn’t sobbing over Ymir any minute she saw her or heard about her. </p>
<p>Historia wondered if the news of her well being had traveled her way. Part of her wanted Ymir to know how bad she was doing. She wanted Ymir to feel miserable for being her cause. She wanted Ymir to regret what she did and come back crawling to her, asking for forgiveness. Historia desperately wanted Ymir to know that she was the one who broke her heart and broke her. </p>
<p>Turning over on her side, Historia stared at the clock. It seemed to be getting closer to the time she would have to wake up, so the least that she could do is try to sleep. Once she closed her eyes, Historia felt a wave of tiredness fall over her. Before she knew it, she was asleep. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>“Why!”</p>
<p>Turning around, Historia saw who the voice belonged to. It was no surprise when she saw her younger self. She was in a nightgown, holding her photo album open. The pictures were all over the place. Historia saw ones from their first days of school and their most recent ones from homecoming. Looking back at her younger self, she saw that she was crying. The tears were streaming down her face and they were falling on the photos. Each time that a tear fell, it would burn a photo. Each time a photo burned, Historia felt a pain in her head like it was wiping away her memories with Ymir. She had to catch her younger self before she wiped out all of her memories, the good and bad.  </p>
<p>“Get back here!” Historia yelled as she chased after herself. The ground felt like sand. Each step she took sucked more and more energy out of her. Somehow, her younger self was running fine in it. She kept running and burning the photos. As she reached out to her younger self, the ground below her opened up and swallowed her whole. Historia felt herself falling, falling-</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Beep!</p>
<p>Beep!</p>
<p>Beep!</p>
<p>Sitting up in bed, Historia patted her face to feel if she was real. Looking over at her phone, she saw that it was just her alarm going off. Her heart was pounding through her, shaking the bed. Feeling her face, Historia felt that she was in a cold sweat from the dream. It was the same one. She had to chase her younger self before she ruined her memories. </p>
<p>Deciding that there was no point in trying to stay in bed, she walked over to her closet and found some clothes to wear. In the past month, she just chose to stick with sweats everyday, no matter what. At least they were comfy and showed everyone that she was not in the mood to speak to anyone. The only person that she conversed with regularly was Hitch. Occasionally, she would talk to Armin and Eren, but the two were lovebirds and it made her sick to her stomach. Once in a while, Mikasa and Annie would come over to check on her, but seeing the two together only made her remember Ymir. Almost everything reminded her of Ymir. It felt like Historia could never get away from her. </p>
<p>Once she was in the bathroom, Historia threw her hair into a sloppy bun and put on a little bit of mascara. Recently, she’s been trying to look more presentable at school. Historia knew that she was taking this a lot harder than everyone expected her to. It wasn’t like they had been talking a lot, it was only a week at the most. But it felt like years. When they started talking again, it felt normal again. It didn’t feel like they hadn’t talked in five years. Somehow, Historia felt like she came home after a long vacation. She could finally lay in her bed again and be comfortable. </p>
<p>Moving downstairs, Historia grabbed her bag off of the couch and headed into the kitchen. She grabbed a sandwich from the freezer and threw it in the microwave. As she waited for it to cook, she decided to grab a tin of cookies that she had made recently. Using in the mornings, Sasha would come by to say hello to her. It wasn’t much, but it meant a lot to her that the girl was still being nice to her. Historia thought that Sasha would appreciate the gesture. Surely the girl would give her back the cookies tin at the end of the day, so she didn’t have to worry about that. </p>
<p>Once the microwave went off, Historia grabbed her breakfast sandwich and her tin. She made it to her car and threw everything into the passenger seat. Historia was in the mood to get to school early, so that she could have some time to do nothing before school started. These past few weeks, Historia had a routine of getting a little high before school started. Usually, the munchies would be over when she went into the school. </p>
<p>Arriving at the school, Historia did her routine. She spent a few minutes getting high and then relaxing. There were about twenty minutes before the start of school. Looking out to her right, Historia swore that she saw a familiar figure. Looking further, she noticed that it was Ymir. Sliding down in her seat, Historia tried to make sure that she wasn’t seen as she looked at Ymir before she walked away. Historia has noticed over the past month that there is this sad aura around Ymir at all times. Her face is always in a sad expression, but Historia couldn’t pinpoint why. Maybe something had happened with her father? She knew it wouldn’t be because of her. Ymir chose to leave her, so Ymir wasn’t allowed to be sad about it. It was her fault after all. </p>
<p>Once Historia had ten minutes before she had to leave for her class, she grabbed her bag and started walking into the school. When she was in the building, Historia spotted Sasha from a couple of feet away. She waved to her when she turned around. Historia jogged slightly to meet up with her. </p>
<p>“Sasha! I brought some cookies!” Historia held the tin out for her to grab it. </p>
<p>“Aw, thanks Historia! Do you want to walk with me to our first classes?” Sasha patted her shoulder as the two started walking down the hall. They continued to converse as they walked, but stopped when Historia heard a familiar voice calling for Sasha. Turning around, Historia was met with Ymir trying to catch up to Sasha. </p>
<p>“What is Historia doing here?” Ymir sounded stunned as she looked. Historia tried her best to stay out of her glare. Pushing the tin into Sasha’s chest, Historia started to walk down the hallway, leaving them alone. </p>
<p>“Wait! Historia! Come back!” Ymir yelled after her. Historia heard her voice crack as she called for her, but she ignored her and kept walking to her class. Urging her feet to walk faster, Historia found herself walking into the nearest bathroom. She closed the stall behind her and laid against the wall. </p>
<p>A couple of minutes passed before she heard a knock on the door. Historia kept silent, waiting for the other person to speak first. The two kept silent, then Historia heard the body lay against the door. She assumed that the person intended on not leaving anytime soon. </p>
<p>Slowly opening the door, Historia saw that it was Ymir who was waiting for her. Looking at her, Historia saw that there were tears in her eyes and a sorrow expression that was the same as the last time she saw her. Ymir raised her hand to touch Historia, but she moved away from her touch. The action seemed to hurt her. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Ymir whispered as she looked down at her feet. Historia didn’t know if she should believe her or not. Part of her wanted to believe that Ymir was sorry for what she did, but the other part knew that she left her without a second thought, easily. </p>
<p>“No. You’re not,” Historia growled out, pushing past Ymir. As she was almost away from Ymir, she felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her back. Now, the two girls were face to face, only a few inches apart from each other. They stared at each other for a couple of minutes before Historia wiggled free from Ymir’s grip. </p>
<p>“Historia, please give me another chance,” Ymir’s voice was quiet as she spoke. She kept her eyes on the ground, seeming to be afraid to look at Historia. </p>
<p>“To do what? Break my heart again. If you’re so interested in me, ask Hitch for a status report! She’ll tell you how I haven’t been sober in over a month! Thanks Ymir!” Historia yelled as she flipped Ymir off, walking out of the bathroom. A fire was now ignited in her as Historia stormed off to her first class. </p>
<p>The day went by slowly, dragging on and on. Eventually, it was time for her last class of the day. She found her seat and saw Hitch sliding into hers next to Historia. Turning to face Historia, Hitch seemed to be excited about something. </p>
<p>“So, I’m having a party on Friday and you’re coming. I know you’re all depressed about Ymir, but at least at a party, you can get drunk and makeout with someone,” Hitch’s voice was excited, but low to make sure that no one else would hear. </p>
<p>“I’ll go if you promise Ymir won’t be there,” Historia crossed her arms and looked at her friend. </p>
<p>“Of course she won’t be there. There will be other cute girls there though. I invited people from my old school as well. There will be all of the drugs and alcohol that your heart desires. Plus if you get really drunk, I’ll take care of you. I’ll be staying sober,” Hitch placed a reassuring hand on Historia’s shoulder. After thinking it over, Historia agreed to Hitch’s proposal. She was actually looking forward to going to a party. However, it clicked in her head that it was Thursday, meaning that the party would be the next day. </p>
<p>The bell rang and it was finally time for Historia to head home. Getting in her car, Historia tried to navigate out of the parking lot. The drive home was a little slow due to the traffic from the school. When Historia was home, she found her parents and informed them of her plans for Friday night. The two were excited that she was going to actually do something social once again. Historia decided to go up to her room and make sure that she did all of her homework for Friday and the weekend because she was going to need the whole weekend to recover from Friday night. </p>
<p>The night quickly went by and before she knew it, it was time for Historia to go to bed. After taking a quick shower, Historia laid down in her bed. She saw that she still had Ymir’s hoodie on her bed. Part of her wanted to throw it out, while she still wanted to wear it. Her heart won over her mind and Historia slipped it on. Wrapping her arms around herself, Historia felt like Ymir was right there, holding her in her long arms. The thought brought tears to her eyes as she held onto herself. Despite it being a month since everything happened, Historia still found herself getting emotional randomly over Ymir. </p>
<p>As Historia held herself, she slowly fell asleep, wrapped with her arms around herself. The drone of the clicking from her clock drew her into sleep, but Historia tried to fight it off. She couldn’t deal with falling asleep and being confronted with her younger self again. Historia couldn’t watch her memories be ruined by her younger self again and again. However, her body betrayed her and fell in line with the drone. Before she knew it, her breathing slowed down and Historia was lured to sleep. </p>
<p>~ </p>
<p>Hitch had texted Historia to come early and help her set up for the party. However, this was the first time that Historia had ever gone over to Hitch’s house and it was quite the opposite of what she had expected. To say it was humongous was an understatement. Historia had thought that Hitch may be rich, but she never wanted to ask because that would be rude. Standing in front of the gate, Historia tried to build up the nerve to hit the intercom.  </p>
<p>“Hey Hitch… Can you open the gate for me?” Historia’s voice cracked as she spoke. </p>
<p>“Yup! Give me one second!” Hitch’s excitement carried through the intercom to Historia. Not a second later, the gate opened, letting Historia in. In awe, she almost didn’t realize when she was at the door. Pulling on the handle, she saw that the door was open. Opening the door, she saw that Hitch was on the other side waiting for her. </p>
<p>The two walked through the house, cleaning up and placing out food, drinks, alcohol, and other drugs that Hitch somehow acquired. Eventually, others started to show up. Hitch dragged Historia along, introducing to her to all of her friends from her old school. Before she knew it, Historia ran into Marlo, who she hadn’t seen since homecoming. </p>
<p>“Historia! How are you? Where’s Ymir?” Marlo asked as he looked around the room they were in for the brunette. </p>
<p>“I’m good! She’s not here though, not feeling well,” Historia made sure to put in a pout to make it look more realistic. </p>
<p>Marlo and her conversed for a little bit more as the house started filling up more and more. It was around nine at night and Historia was noticing others from their school. Looking around the living room, Historia saw that Connie and Sasha were there together. The two waved to get her attention. </p>
<p>“Hey Historia! We didn’t know you were coming?” Sasha asked. Her face scrunched up in confusion like she was told something else. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I wasn’t going to until Hitch had to confirm that Ymir wasn’t coming,” Historia smiled at the two, assuming it was just them there. </p>
<p>“Oh, yeah. She’s definitely not here,” Sasha laughed when she spoke. She seemed to be nervous, but Historia couldn’t pinpoint why. Historia said goodbye to the two of them and started walking around some more. </p>
<p>Historia quickly found the kitchen and made herself a drink. She poured out some vodka and made sure to mix it with a soda. She also grabbed a sandwich to fill her stomach with something. Historia decided that she wanted to go to Hitch’s porch. The view from the porch was beautiful. You could see the majority of the town as you looked out. Luckily for her, there was a railing, so she wouldn’t have to worry about falling over. Historia let herself fall into her thoughts, everything else fell away as she looked out at the town. She didn’t even notice when someone stood next to her. </p>
<p>“Historia,” the voice was quiet as the person spoke. Historia recognized the voice, but didn’t want to turn to the side and see who it belonged to. This voice wasn’t supposed to be here. </p>
<p>“Ymir, give me one good reason not to slap you right now.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you liked this chapter! The next chapter will follow Ymir's perspective over the month and will end around where this chapter ended. There will be a new cast of characters coming in soon. The story is going to take quite the turn in about 4 chapters from now. The next chapter should be out in the next week or two! As always I love to hear your thoughts and how you feel like the chapter went. If you have anything you want to see from me, please comment! See you next week!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nude</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>For Ymir, the days drew longer each day ever since she stopped talking to Historia. It was as if God was trying to punish her in a way. Ymir knew that she had messed up the moment that she looked at Historia that morning, but she had to follow through. For whatever sick reason in her head, Ymir had to follow through and stop talking to Historia.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, I've had quite the busy week with school. Hope all is well with y'all. This chapter is almost 9k words this time around. This one is similar to the last, where it followed Ymir over the month. Hope you like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For Ymir, the days drew longer each day ever since she stopped talking to Historia. It was as if God was trying to punish her in a way. Ymir knew that she had messed up the moment that she looked at Historia that morning, but she had to follow through. For whatever sick reason in her head, Ymir had to follow through and stop talking to Historia. </p><p>Turning over on her side, Ymir stared at her door. There was a part of her that wanted to get up right now and walk over to Historia’s and beg for her forgiveness. But she can’t. She had fucked everything up a month ago. Ymir had seen Historia in the hallways and the poor girl looked miserable. Ymir knew that it may have been her that was making her seem so miserable, but it wasn’t a thought that she should entertain. </p><p>“I really fucked up huh? It doesn’t help that I haven’t told my therapist yet,” Ymir mumbled to herself. There was no one else to hear the words, but saying that she had made the wrong decision helped her come to terms with what had happened. </p><p>Deciding that it was best to try to get some sleep, Ymir flipped onto her stomach and pressed her face into her pillow. Luckily for her, the melatonin that she had taken earlier finally kicked in. Before she knew it, Ymir was finally asleep.</p><p>~</p><p>Ymir watched as the bus passed the same houses again and again, until it finally stopped, at Hitch’s bus stop. She watched as Hitch walked up onto the bus and sat down next to Ymir. The girl didn’t say anything to the tall brunette for a few minutes, until she turned to her left. </p><p>“So, you two are dating now? Hmm, good for you,” Hitch said as she turned back to her phone. Ymir was taken aback by what Hitch said, but left it be. The two stayed quiet for the rest of the bus ride. Hitch must have sensed that something was off with Ymir. Looking down at her hands, Ymir tried to justify what she was about to do to Historia. It was the best choice for herself, right? </p><p>The bus turned into the parking lot and pulled up to the school. Ymir and the others made their way out and into the school. Somehow on her way in, Ymir had lost Hitch. Slowly, Ymir walked over to where Connie and Sasha were. Sasha glared at her, while Connie gave her a disappointing look. Sasha must have told Connie what Ymir was planning to do. </p><p>“You know this is a bad idea. You’re going to break her heart. Is that what you really want to do?” Sasha asked Ymir. Her voice was laced with her anger, but she kept it down. Looking out of the corner of her eye, Ymir saw Historia walking over. She looked so happy and unaware of what was going to happen. </p><p>“I have to,” Ymir mumbled out. She turned around and started walking away from them, but was stopped when she heard Sasha yell at her. </p><p>“Oh nice! Now you’re being a pussy, own up to your actions Ymir! She’s here now!” Ymir stood there, facing away from them. She felt tears starting to form at her eyes. There was no way that Ymir was going to get through this without crying. </p><p>“Ymir! What is Sasha talking about? Can you please come back here?” Historia called out to Ymir. Ymir could hear the concern in her voice. She knew that Historia was figuring it out on her own and didn’t need Ymir to tell her why she was leaving. </p><p>Walking back, Ymir kept her head down. She didn’t even lift it up to speak to Historia. Ymir felt the words fall out of her mouth, like there was a hole. She tried and tried to close her mouth and stop what she was doing, but once it was in motion, there was no stopping it. Ymir felt like she was watching someone else ruin her relationship with Historia. She was watching this other person speak for her and take the slaps from Historia. There was no stopping this other Ymir who told Historia that she hated her. Ymir knew that was false, but it was still said. </p><p>After Historia ran off, Ymir put her head down again and stared at her feet. She heard Sasha yell at her for a bit and then run off to Historia. Connie didn’t say anything. He just stood there, unsure of what to do. Grabbing her bag, Ymir headed to her first class. There was nothing to do now. </p><p>The hours went by slowly as Ymir felt regret and dread fill every crevice of her body. By the time it was lunch, Ymir felt like she was going to throw up by how badly she felt. It felt as if her heart was being smashed and then sown back in, then ripped out and done over and over again. Her body felt physically ill and her mind wasn’t feeling any better. </p><p>Excusing herself, Ymir went to the bathroom and tried to steady her stomach. She didn’t want to puke at school, but her stomach felt worse and worse each and every stomach. Sitting in the bathroom stall, Ymir stared out at the wall in front of her. When the wave of nausea passed, Ymir grabbed her wallet and decided to go buy a drink at the nearest vending machine. Luckily for her, the walk to the nearest machine wasn’t that fair, so she wouldn’t be out of class for much longer. </p><p>Standing at the machine, Ymir figured out what she wanted to buy. Opening her wallet, she was startled to see Historia staring right back at her. Historia… She looked so happy. Her face had the biggest smile on it that Ymir had ever seen. Closing her wallet, Ymir shoved it into her pocket and walked back to class. Her appetite was now lost. </p><p>The rest of the day went by in a blur. At lunch, Ymir saw Historia for a second before she was whisked off by Hitch. Looking in her direction warranted a smack from Sasha. Ymir said goodbye to the two and found a place where she could sit by herself. Her appetite hadn’t returned from earlier, so Ymir pulled out a book and tried to read. Her mind was too rattled to try to read anything. Ymir’s thoughts kept going back to Historia and what she was doing. All Ymir wanted to do in that moment was to go find Historia and apologize. </p><p>When Ymir was walking out to the buses, she didn’t notice when Hitch came up behind her until she felt a slap on the back of her head. She knew she shouldn’t argue because Ymir was in the wrong for all of it. The two walked in silence until they sat down in their normal spots and then Hitch spoke to Ymir. </p><p>“You know how bad you fucked up right? You do realize how in love she was?” Hitch asked her. Her voice was low as she spoke. Ymir could tell how pissed she was. </p><p>“She didn’t love me. If she ever said that, then it was a lie,” Ymir turned away to look outside the window and away from Hitch’s glare. The girl didn’t say anything for a while, but when Ymir looked back at her, she saw that she was furiously going through her phone. </p><p>“Oh? So, this is a lie?” Hitch gave Ymir her phone and motioned for her to look through the texts. Glancing down, Ymir saw that they were from Historia. Looking through the texts, Ymir saw Historia talking about her and how happy she was again. The further that she got, the more that Historia talked about being in love with Ymir. The more that Historia talked about having a future with Ymir. The more that Historia talked about wanting to tell Ymir how she felt. </p><p>Reading through the texts made her feel sick. There was no way that all of this was true. No one could ever love Ymir. There was no way possible for someone to feel that way about someone as horrible as her. Ymir couldn’t accept any of this. Historia had to have been lying. </p><p>“This is all a lie,” Ymir said as she passed the phone back to Hitch. She kept her head down, trying to ignore the glares that she was getting. </p><p>“Dude, from one divorce kid to another, I get it! That shit fucks with your head! You will never be a normal person due to it! Do you know how long it took for me to actually date Marlo? Every single time we were happy and comfortable, I would get scared and run off. You’re doing the same thing. It’s a trauma response. Being happy and comfortable is something that you’re uncomfortable with, so of course you left! Now, get your shit together and tell her that you love her,” Hitch left out a long breath when she finished talking. It seemed like she was planning to say that to Ymir all day long. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter now. What was done is done,” Ymir turned away from Hitch and put her earbuds in, drowning out whatever she was saying. Deep down, Ymir knew that Hitch was right. She was simply running away because she got scared and is using the past as an excuse. How was she ever supposed to move past her trauma if she kept making the same mistakes? If she kept running the moment she felt uncomfortable? </p><p>Eventually, the bus stopped at Hitch’s spot and she said goodbye to Ymir. Ymir didn’t say anything in response, but watched as she left the bus. Ymir didn’t want to admit to her that she was right. If anything, Ymir was afraid of having to go back and apologize to everyone. She would have to admit that she was wrong. </p><p>Walking back home, Ymir took a turn and made her way to the closest park. All she wanted to do at that moment was to forget what happened with Historia. Ymir wished that there was a way she could just wipe the memories from her brain. If that was the case, then Ymir would never have to remember Historia again. </p><p>Sitting on a swing, Ymir pushed herself back and forth with her feet. The motion brought her back to that Sunday with Historia. Historia had looked so happy that day and Ymir took it upon herself to break the girl’s heart. Remembering how happy Historia looked broke Ymir’s heart just a little bit more. </p><p>“God, why did I do that?” Ymir said as she took her face into her hands. She allowed herself to cry and mourn what they had. Ymir knew that there was no way to come back from this. Historia would never take Ymir back, there was no way possible. </p><p>Walking back to her house, Ymir pulled out her phone and dialed Sasha’s number. There were a couple of rings before Sasha eventually picked up. She waited for Ymir to talk first, but the moment she opened her mouth, Ymir felt her jaw freeze. Ymir knew that Sasha wouldn’t expect anything, but the truth. </p><p>“You’re regretting it now, huh?” Sasha said quietly. Ymir could hear how pissed off she was through the phone. Sitting down on the curb, Ymir knew that she would need to be sitting for her talk with Sasha. </p><p>“Yes. I don’t know how I did that. Why I did that. How do I keep messing things up with people that I love?” Ymir’s voice was cracking as she began to cry. How did she keep doing this to herself? How did Ymir keep sabotaging her own happiness?</p><p>“Trauma. Your brain has been in fight or flight since you were a kid because of your father and it hasn’t switched off. Your brain sees new and different things as potentially harmful things. Or when you feel safe, you feel uncomfortable because then you aren’t ready for shit to go down. It’s all your father’s fault, not yours,” Sasha’s voice was soft as she spoke. Ymir knew that she was right. This was only a natural response to it, but it still didn’t make it right. </p><p>“But it’s not an excuse for what I did. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me though,” Ymir felt as the tears fell down her face as she spoke. She could only hope that Sasha couldn’t hear it over the phone. The two stayed quiet for a little longer before Sasha responded. </p><p>“You could always try. I would give it a few days before you tried to do anything. Maybe write her a letter explaining everything?” Sasha suggested to Ymir. Thinking over, it was the most reasonable option for Ymir. Maybe Historia would give her another chance if she did that?</p><p>Ymir thanked Sasha and ended the call with her. Walking back to her house, Ymir watched as the sun started to set. Thoughts were racing through her head of how Ymir was going to apologize to Historia and fixed what she had broken that day. How was she supposed to apologize to Historia? Ymir had told her that she hated her. Both of them knew it was a lie. It was obvious in Historia’s eyes that she believed it to be a lie as well. But how long would she believe that it was a lie before she started to think it was the truth, Ymir thought to herself as she arrived at her house. </p><p>Glancing at the driveway, she saw that her mother was still not home. Her mother had been so busy lately that she had not noticed that something was off with Ymir the other day. At least that meant she had one less person to worry about her. </p><p>Once she was in her room, Ymir decided to turn in for the night. What was the point of staying up when every minute she continued to grow more and more miserable? There was no point for Ymir to stay up any longer if she was going to be plagued with remembering what she did to Historia that day. How she effortlessly broke her heart like it was nothing. </p><p>Pulling her knees to her chest, Ymir let herself cry. She let herself to continue to mourn what they had. She let herself feel sadness first and anger second. Holding herself, Ymir imagined how she would explain this to her younger self who was just waiting for Historia to come back. How was she supposed to explain that she voluntarily left the one person that she was sure that she loved? She could only imagine how angry her younger self would be at her. </p><p>Through the crying, Ymir felt herself start to fall asleep. Her body started to loosen and relax. For a moment, she felt a little bit of peace before she was reminded of what had happened that day. Jolting back awake, Ymir decided to walk over to the bathroom in search of some type of sleep aid. </p><p>Back in her room, Ymir grabbed a bottle of water that was on her night stand and placed two sleeping pills in her mouth. Taking a drink of water, Ymir swallowed the two pills and laid back down. She tried to keep her mind away from Historia. Instead of focusing on the wrong that she had done, she tried to focus on what she could write in the letter to her. What could she say that would make Historia want to give her another chance? She had wasted her second chance already and there was no way that Historia would be willing to try again. Knowing Historia, if she did give Ymir another chance, then she would be stressed out that Ymir was going to leave her again. </p><p>Ymir’s thoughts raced through her head until they eventually began to slow down. She found herself falling asleep, despite her protests. The room began to go quiet and it felt like she was floating. Her mind eventually drifted off. </p><p>~</p><p>It had been a week since Ymir had ruined everything with Historia and she decided that it was time to attempt and fix everything. The night before she had stayed up writing a letter to Historia being completely honest. Ymir didn’t hold back on anything. She told Historia exactly how she felt and how much she cared about her. Ymir made sure to say that she loved her in this letter or perhaps Historia wouldn’t have believed her. </p><p>Waiting through the morning, Ymir decided that the best time to give Historia the letter and tell her how she felt was at lunchtime. Dodging Connie and Sasha, Ymir tried her best to find Historia. Eventually, she saw Historia, but Hitch saw her first. Since everything happened between Ymir and Historia, her and Hitch had been very distant. </p><p>Before she knew it, Hitch dragged Historia away to another spot where Ymir couldn’t follow after them. Ymir stood there in the middle of the cafeteria, staring at the forms of Hitch and Historia walking away. Ymir felt her ears burn up from embarrassment. Hitch must have figured out why Ymir was trying to go talk to Historia. Why was Hitch doing this? </p><p>Walking to the closest trash can, Ymir crumpled up the letter that was in her hand and threw it away. It must have been a sign that Ymir wasn’t meant to talk to Historia again if Hitch was going to drag her away. Why would her friend do that to her? Hitch must have known how much Ymir was hurting from it all. </p><p>Ymir eventually found Connie and Sasha and sat by them. She continued to look for Historia, hoping that she could dig up the courage on her own and go over and tell Historia how she felt. The chances of that happening were slim though. Ymir knew that she would just watch Historia walk and do nothing to try to talk to her. Stuck in her thoughts, Ymir was pulled out when Sasha called her name. </p><p>“Ymir? You look like you’re in a sour mood, what’s up?” Sasha asked. Looking at Connie and Sasha, Ymir saw that they were both concerned about her. </p><p>“I was going to give Historia a letter… Explaining everything. However, Hitch saw me and dragged Historia away before I could catch up to them. I threw out the letter too, which looking back, probably wasn’t the smartest idea,” her voice was quiet as she spoke. Her friends did seem surprised that Ymir was trying to fix things with Historia. </p><p>“What about texting her? Then no one could stop you two from talking,” Connie asked her. Looking at him, Ymir felt like a lightbulb had gone off in her head. He was absolutely right. No one, except herself or Historia, could stop her from talking to Historia if she just texted her. </p><p>“But what if she blocked me? You do forget that I blocked her after everything,” Ymir grumbled out. She had forgotten that she chose to block Historia out of fear of hearing what Historia would say to her. </p><p>“Go to her house? Do the whole speaker thing and confess your love,” Sasha mumbled in between bites of food. </p><p>“I guess so, but she probably already told her parents and that wouldn’t go down well,” Ymir said. She rubbed the back of her neck thinking about how mad her parents will be at her. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be as bad as she thought, but she did promise them that she would stick around again. Ymir remembered seeing Historia’s father handwriting on their photo album, “Historia has her soulmate back again.” There’s no way they aren’t mad at her for leaving once again. </p><p>“Ymir, just get your girl back. Do whatever it takes, we can’t deal with depressed Ymir anymore,” Connie looked into her eyes as he spoke. He was being completely serious with her. </p><p>“I’m not sure how I’ll do it though. Or if I should,” Ymir kept her eyes on the ground as she spoke. Her nerves were starting to overtake her. Ymir could feel that her hands were starting to shake at the thought of talking to Historia. They only shook more when she thought about having to talk to Historia’s parents. How would they respond to seeing Ymir at their house? Historia definitely told them what Ymir said to her. Her parents would know that Ymir told Historia that she hated her. </p><p>“Look Ymir, just go over with some cookies and flowers. BOOM, she’s yours again,” Sasha waved her hands as she said boom to place more emphasis on it. Ymir thought about it for a while before agreeing with Sasha. Lunch was over by then, all Ymir needed to do was wait for school to be over and then run to a supermarket. </p><p>Ymir’s last class of the day was orchestra with Dr. Hange. She knew that they would be able to pick up on her sour mood the moment that she walked in the door. Of course, Ymir was right. Once Ymir walked in looking sad, Dr. Hange walked over to Ymir and began to ask her what was wrong. </p><p>“Aw, what has my favorite bass down? Is everything right?” Hange asked her. They were taking in Ymir’s appearance, trying to figure out what could be bothering Ymir. </p><p>“Just something with a girl. Nothing much,” Ymir grumbled out. Passing her teacher, Hange decided to leave the girl alone. Ymir walked over to the bass stands and pulled hers out. The class went by slowly, but eventually it was time for Ymir to go home. The walk to the bus was slow, partially because Ymir wanted an excuse to not sit next to Hitch. However, when she got on the bus, the only open seat was next to Hitch. Ymir turned her face away from Hitch, trying to show that she was not interested in talking. </p><p>“You know you shouldn’t be bothering Historia. It’ll only hurt her more,” Hitch mumbled, looking out the window, away from Ymir. </p><p>“You didn’t even know what I wanted to say to her. I could have apologized and told her the truth, but no, you had to decide for her and walk away. Do you know how much that hurts? I feel bad and I want to fix what I did, but you took her away,” Ymir snapped back at Hitch. Ymir was glaring at Hitch, hoping that she could tell how much that action was hurting her.</p><p>“If I knew you were going to try to fix things with her, then I wouldn’t have walked away with her. Maybe just try again with her if it really matters that much to you,” Hitch did look apologetic speaking towards Ymir. </p><p>“Maybe then you should have let me speak to her!” Ymir yelled at Hitch. The other voices in the bus quieted down to look at Hitch and Ymir. Ymir could feel her face and ears burning up as she shrunk down to avoid others looking at her. </p><p>“Look, I’m sorry Ymir. Try to talk to her again. She misses you. She told me that she still sleeps in your hoodie, so I think you have a chance if you choose to be honest with her,” Hitch whispered to Ymir, trying to keep her voice down after Ymir’s outburst. </p><p>“You think if I went to her house with flowers and cookies and talked to her, then she would apologize to me?” Ymir asked Hitch. </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>It was time for Hitch’s stop and the two exchanged goodbyes to each other. There were only a few minutes left before it was time for Ymir to get off of the bus. Her plan was to walk to the store, find flowers and cookies, and walk to Historia’s house. She could only pray that Historia would open the door and give her time to talk. </p><p>Once Ymir was at the store, she found the prettiest roses that she could find and cookies that she knew Historia was going to love. After checking out, Ymir started to walk towards Historia’s house. The walk wasn’t that far, but her feet felt like lead as she walked. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and she could feel the sweat on her face. </p><p>Turning the corner, Ymir could see Historia’s house and was finally in view. Standing there, Ymir tried to continue walking forward, but her nerves were stopping her. She could see the front door from where she was standing. After calming herself down, Ymir started walking slowly to Historia’s house. However, before she could make it to her house, Ymir heard a familiar voice calling for her. </p><p>“Ymir? Is that you?” Turning to her right, Ymir saw Historia’s mother in her car right next to her. Looking at Historia’s mother, she could feel her whole body freeze and turn into stone. The sight of Ymir was probably an odd one as well. Over the past week, Ymir had barely gotten any sleep and it was quite obvious. Plus she was holding the roses and cookies. Looking at her face, Historia’s mother realized what they were for. </p><p>“Hi Mrs. Reiss, how are you?” Ymir’s voice was shaking as she spoke. It had to have been noticeable to Mrs. Reiss as she looked at Ymir. </p><p>“I’ve been good. What are you doing here?” Her eyes narrowed onto the flowers that Ymir was holding in her hands. She must have known that Ymir was planning on giving them to Historia. </p><p>“Uh, just passing by,” her voice cracked. That only made Mrs. Reiss furrow her brow even more as she looked at Ymir. Ymir could tell that she was not buying her excuse. </p><p>“With flowers and cookies? Historia’s favorite cookies I may add,” Historia’s mother crossed her arms at Ymir. Her gig was up. Either she could tell Historia’s mother the truth or she could make up another lie. </p><p>“Well, I thought it would be nice if I surprised my mom with them,” Ymir rubbed the back of her neck as she spoke. She could feel her ears were starting to turn red as she spoke. </p><p>“You know what would be nice? If you gave them to Historia and apologized,” Historia’s mother put up the window and drove to her house. Ymir felt her jaw fall open as she watched her pull up in her driveway. Historia’s mother gave her one look over her shoulder and motioned for her to come to the house. Ymir just continued to stare off at the house. She wanted to go to Historia and talk to her, but after her interaction with her mother, she was terrified of how the father would act. Maybe that wasn’t the right moment for Ymir to apologize. </p><p>Turning around, Ymir started to walk back home. The cheerful disposition that she had on before had disappeared once she saw Historia’s mother pull up beside her. She knew that her chance to talk to Historia was over. Ymir had to find another way to speak with Historia, but the question was how? How would she be able to apologize to Historia if she waited any longer?</p><p>Once Ymir was back at her house, she threw the roses into water and placed the cookies into the cupboard. Her plan to talk to Historia had failed. Climbing into her bed, Ymir decided to ignore the homework that she needed to do. It was easier to go to bed early at this point instead of trying to stay up. </p><p>~</p><p>Ymir’s alarm went off, jolting her awake. That night, she had finally fallen asleep for once, but morning came too soon. Barely feeling rested, Ymir walked over to her bathroom and decided to take a quick shower. In the shower, Ymir stood there, letting the water fall over her. Once she felt awake enough, she got out and wrapped a towel around her waist.</p><p>In her room, Ymir tried to find clothes that made her look put together. She had one plan today, to win Historia back. There was no way that Ymir was going to leave school without that happening. The two of them hadn’t talked in the past month, but Ymir wasn’t going to let that stop her. </p><p>Ymir knew that the clothes that she had picked out put emphasis on her muscles and would make her look even more attractive to Historia. There was no way that Historia could look at Ymir and say that she didn’t want to be with her again. In all of the possibilities that Ymir ran through her head, Historia saying that she doesn’t want to talk to her isn’t one. </p><p>That day, Ymir’s mother was working from home and allowed Ymir to take the car to school. Saying goodbye to her mother, Ymir left the house and made her way to the car. Once she was in the car, Ymir made sure to play some music that would get her ready for the day. Before she knew it, Ymir was at the school. Parking the car, Ymir decided that it was best to go to school now instead of later. </p><p>The moment that she got out of her car, she spotted Historia’s car, which wasn’t too far away from her. Her feet turned to lead and she couldn’t make herself move. Ymir knew that she wanted to talk to Historia that day, but now that she was there, she couldn’t make herself do it. Maybe today wasn’t the right day to try to talk to Historia. </p><p>Walking past the car, Ymir wanted to look and see if Historia was in there, but she tried to ignore that feeling. She continued to walk into the school. Maybe Ymir could find Sasha and have her boost her spirits. Ymir knew that the two girls still talked sometimes, perhaps Sasha could put in a good word for her. </p><p>For the next ten minutes, Ymir wandered around the school trying to find Sasha. She was in need of a pick me up from her. Eventually, Ymir saw that Sasha was walking with what looked like a small blonde. Maybe it was Historia, Ymir wondered. </p><p>“Sasha!” Ymir called out to her, hoping that she would hear her. Ymir started to jog after them and saw as Historia turned around to meet Ymir’s gaze. Staring into her eyes, Ymir felt like she was drowning in her dark blue eyes, slowly swallowing her up. </p><p>“What is Historia doing here?” Ymir was shocked to see that it was actually Historia and not some other blonde. However, Historia didn’t look happy to see Ymir. She pushed the tin in her hands into Sasha’s chest and started walking away. Knowing that this was her shot, Ymir was not going to let it go. </p><p>“Wait! Historia! Come back!” Ymir’s voice cracked as she called out to Historia. She continued to walk away from Ymir, turning the corner to where Ymir could assume was the bathroom. Running into the bathroom, Ymir saw that only one stall was closed. </p><p>Knocking on the stall, Ymir tried to force the words to come out of her mouth, but they were stuck. Ymir decided to lay against the stall until she figured out what to say. How could she keep messing this up? Again and Again? The thought brought tears to her eyes, but she tried to hold back her sobs because she didn’t want Historia to know that she was crying because of her. </p><p>The stall opened behind her, turning around she saw that Historia looked shocked. Ymir could only guess it was from the expression that was on her face. Ymir raised her hand to touch Historia, but she moved out of her way. Historia moved away from her touch like it was acid, the motion brought more tears to her eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Ymir mumbled to Historia as she kept her eyes on her feet. She was too afraid to look Historia in the eyes and see anger in her eyes. </p><p>“No. You’re not,” Historia’s voice rose as she spoke, she was close to yelling at Ymir. Hearing the anger in her voice made Ymir’s heart beat even fast. Historia started to push away from Ymir and walk away. In a desperate last moment, Ymir reached out and grabbed Historia’s shoulder. She pulled her back until they were face to face. </p><p>“Historia, please give me another chance,” was all that Ymir could muster out. She was whispering as she spoke. In all honesty, she was completely afraid of what Historia was going to do to her. Ymir kept her eyes on the ground, trying to avoid Historia’s glare. </p><p>“To do what? Break my heart again. If you’re so interested in me, ask Hitch for a status report! She’ll tell you how I haven’t been sober in over a month! Thanks Ymir!” Historia flipped Ymir off as she stormed out of the bathroom. Hearing those words and knowing the effect of her actions on Historia, broke Ymir’s heart. All she could do was sit on the ground and cry. She didn’t care about missing her class. Ymir held her knees to her chest as she cried. However, she was interrupted when she heard a familiar voice talk to her. </p><p>“Ymir? What’s wrong?” The owner of the voice kneeled in front of Ymir and rested her hands on her knees. Looking up, Ymir saw that Hitch was staring back at her. Seeing her friend only made her cry even more. Hitch must have seen Historia storm out of the bathroom and assumed it was because of Ymir. </p><p>“Historia. She really hates me, right?” Ymir’s voice cracked as she spoke. She kept her head down as she spoke, afraid that Hitch was going to say, “I told you so.”</p><p>“I think part of her still loves you. I’ve had to wake her up a lot recently and she still wears your hoodie to bed, that’s a good sign right?” Hitch moved in to hug Ymir and felt her nod. The girl rubbed circles into Ymir’s back as she held onto her. </p><p>“I’m not sure how I’ll ever get her back. I mean I fucked up. So badly. She’s never going to talk to me again,” Ymir continued to cry as Hitch held her in her arms. </p><p>“Look, I’m having a party tomorrow night and I’m forcing her to come. Just come and keep trying. She can’t say no forever. She might be drunk though, so I recommend you stay sober, JUST in case you would have to drive her home,” Hitch laughed as she emphasized the “just.” Ymir caught on what she was saying to her. </p><p>“No, drunk Historia is probably an asshole. I’m afraid that she would try to beat me up, despite her size,” Ymir laughed at the thought of drunk Historia hitting Ymir’s stomach. </p><p>“How was high Historia? That might give you an idea of how she’ll be when she’s drunk,” Hitch pulled away from their hug now to look Ymir in the eyes as she spoke. </p><p>“Very lovey dovey. We almost kissed, but she fell asleep on top of me. Plus, I made a little mistake that night,” Ymir watched as Hitch’s face turned to an expression of shock. She was clearly not expecting to hear that they almost kissed. </p><p>“Oh god, what did you do?” Hitch had a concerned look on her face as she waited for Ymir’s response. </p><p>“Historia fell asleep on the couch that night, so I had to carry her back to my bed. For some reason, she snuggled onto top of me and I may have whispered that I was in love with her. Apparently, she heard me that night. And I do love her. I am completely and utterly in love with her and she knows that, but I don’t think she loves me,” Ymir whispered. She tried to dodge Hitch’s stare, but Hitch grabbed her face and made her look at her. </p><p>“Ymir… Whether or not that girl admits it, she loves you. She loves you very much and it is almost sickening sometimes. But you messed up. Like I’ve never seen someone fuck up as badly as you did, so before she shows that she loves you, you need to fix it. Do something big and crazy or something small for her, but make sure you’re honest. You need to be honest with her. If that is breaking down and begging for her forgiveness, then do it. She needs to know why you told her the things you did. No one gets over hearing that the person they love, hates them,” Hitch’s tone reminded Ymir of a teacher when she would get in trouble as a kid. Ymir nodded at Hitch to show that she agreed. Hitch then stood up and gave Ymir her hand to help her up. </p><p>“You think I should give it another chance tomorrow at the party?” Ymir asked Hitch.</p><p>“Oh definitely, I think you can win her over again. The only problem is that she can be stubborn, so it might end up as a fight,” Hitch began to walk out of the bathroom and Ymir followed her. Hitch walked with Ymir to her first class of the day. Both were bound to be late, but they could formulate some kind of excuse as to why they are. Ymir hugged Hitch goodbye and thanked her for being there for her. </p><p>Ymir’s morning went by quickly and eventually it was time for her to meet Connie and Sasha for lunch. When she sat by them, the two immediately noticed that there was a difference in her attitude. For a couple of minutes, both of them chose not to mention it, but then Ymir brought up what happened. </p><p>“Hitch is having a party tomorrow and Historia will be there. She thinks that I should try again and talk to Historia. I’m pretty nervous about it, but I need to really give it another shot and talk to her. I need to stop freezing up and wimping out, you know?” Connie and Sasha looked shocked that Ymir was going to try to fix things with Historia again. </p><p>“You sure that’s a good idea? We just don’t want you to get your hopes up and then get your heartbroken, again,” Sasha said in between bites of food. </p><p>“I know, but I can’t give up. I can’t wimp out again like before. I’m not sure if I could forgive myself if I don’t keep trying,” Ymir looked to Connie and Sasha for their nods of approval. </p><p>“We’ll come with you,” Connie quietly said. Sasha agreed with him and Ymir knew that she had to allow them to come or they wouldn’t be happy with her. </p><p>The rest of lunch and the day went by slowly and before she knew it, Ymir was driving back home. She needed to get mentally ready for the weekend. The drive back home went faster than usual since Ymir was so eager to fix things with Historia. </p><p>Running into her house, Ymir forgot that her mother was getting ready for leave. Ymir collided with her mother as she was leaving the house. The two held onto the wall, trying to regain their balance. Her mother began to chuckle at their poor planning. </p><p>“What’s making you run into the house that fast? You knew that I had to leave for work today,” Ymir’s mother laughed as she looked over to see Ymir leaning on the wall still. </p><p>“I know, I know. I’m just excited about something,” Ymir blushed at the thought of what the next day could hold for her. </p><p>“Oh? About what?” Her mother was now intrigued. Ymir knew that she was going to be stuck in a conversation about this for a while. </p><p>“Well, my friend Hitch is having a party tomorrow and she invited me to go. Apparently, Historia is going to be there and you know, I gotta try again,” Ymir rubbed the back of her neck as she spoke to her mother. Talking about Historia and trying to figure out what she was going to talk to her, brought more stress than Ymir had anticipated. </p><p>“Be careful honey. I expect you to not drink and make sure you’re honest to the girl. If you really don’t want to mess this up, then be honest,” Ymir’s mother shook her finger at Ymir. </p><p>The two exchanged goodbyes and Ymir watched as her mother drove off in a taxi. Sitting on the couch, Ymir stared at the wall, wondering what she was going to do that Friday night. Was Historia going to give Ymir a chance or was she going to walk away like she had that morning? Maybe it would be better to talk to Historia when she was drinking, but would Historia remember what they talked about the morning after? There were too many variables for Ymir to worry about. </p><p>Forcing herself to get off of the couch, Ymir went into the bathroom to shower. She let the water wash away all of the worries that she was having about Historia. There was no point in excessive worrying about the next day. All Ymir needed to do was to just make it through the next day and say some convincing things to Historia. </p><p>Stepping out of the shower, Ymir dried off as she looked at herself in the mirror. Over the month, she hadn’t been taking care of herself, physically and mentally. Her muscles weren’t as defined and her skin was paler than usual. The bags under her eyes were darker and noticeable under her glasses. The most noticeable difference was the weight that she had lost. The past month had left Ymir miserable and unmotivated to do anything for her health. Consequently, she hadn’t been eating as much or making herself workout. It made sense that Connie and Sasha wanted her to try to talk to Historia. </p><p>The rest of her night, Ymir took time to take care of herself. She also made sure that she did her homework for the weekend. Ymir knew that she would need all of her energy to try to talk to Historia once again. Laying down in her bed for the night, Ymir took to her phone to mindlessly scroll through. She had ended up on Hitch’s instagram, looking through it, Ymir saw some recent photos of Hitch and Historia. </p><p>Historia looked… Happy. At least, that’s what it seemed. Ymir didn’t know if that was the truth or a mask that Historia put up for others to see. Ymir felt miserable knowing that she was the one who was making her so depressed. However, it was Ymir who left this time around, not Historia. It was almost as if Ymir didn’t have a reason to be so miserable, she was the one who chose this for her reason. </p><p>Putting her phone down, Ymir tried to focus on sleeping. The next day was bound to be intense and extreme. Ymir knew that Historia was probably going to ingest a lot of alcohol or drugs, or perhaps both. How was she going to respond when Ymir would try to talk to her? Would she stay and listen to Ymir or would she just run away again? Ymir can’t keep cornering her whenever she tries to talk to her. Maybe that was a sign that Historia didn’t want to talk to Ymir ever again. </p><p>~</p><p>Ymir walked around, trying to figure out where she was. Eventually, she came upon a younger version of herself crying. She was hugging her knees to her chest, trying to comfort herself. Ymir automatically recognized this memory. It was when Historia had stopped talking to her when they were kids. Every night for a couple of months, Ymir would have to comfort herself as she cried about Historia. </p><p>Leaning down, Ymir placed a hand on her shoulder, hoping that would stop the crying. Her younger self slowly lifted her head up, but when she recognized it was herself, she backed away. Walking forward, Ymir tried to figure out what was causing her younger self to run away from her. </p><p>“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you,” she whispered as she got closer. Her younger self continued to move backwards until there was a wall stopping her. Ymir looked down at herself and waited before she moved or said anything. </p><p>“You left her… How?” Her younger self had tears falling from her face as she looked up at Ymir. Ymir found herself at a loss of words. All she could do was stare at herself. She knew that whatever she said wouldn’t be a good justification. </p><p>Her younger self punched Ymir in the stomach and ran off. Ymir doubled over in pain as she watched herself run away from her. Her vision started to turn to black as Ymir felt herself falling down. </p><p>~</p><p>Sitting up in her bed, Ymir clutched herself, feeling a wave of nausea come over herself. Running to the bathroom, Ymir held onto the toilet, waiting for something to come up. Luckily, nothing came up and Ymir just brushed it off as nerves. Checking her phone, Ymir saw that it was only half an hour before her alarm would go off. Instead of forcing herself back to sleep, Ymir decided that it would be easier if she would just get ready now. </p><p>Her morning routine took slower that day because of the dream that jolted her awake. Why did her mind show her that? Why did she have to be reminded of what Historia did to her all those years ago? Shaking her head, Ymir tried to ignore all of the thoughts that were running around her head. It would be better if she just ignored the dream and what it could mean. Otherwise, it would cloud her judgment for the day. </p><p>Ymir drove herself to school, taking her time to fully calm down. There was something eerie about the dream, something that Ymir couldn’t necessarily shake. Pulling into a spot, Ymir didn’t notice who she had parked next to. Looking over, Ymir saw that it was Historia. She was busy… Eating? </p><p>She made sure to slide down in her seat to try to stay hidden from Historia as she watched her. The girl appeared to be high and had the munchies. She was tearing through whatever breakfast she had with her. But then, Historia turned to her right and recognized Ymir’s car. There was a somber look on her face. She must have not seen Ymir’s eyes looking at her, but she swore that she saw Historia wipe something away from her face. Was it a tear? A couple of minutes later, Historia left her car and made it for the school. Ymir quickly followed suit, but kept her distance away from Historia. </p><p>The rest of the day went by quickly. There was nothing else that was bothering Ymir, except the dream and seeing Historia in the parking lot that morning. At lunch, Ymir made plans with Connie and Sasha to have them drive home with Ymir, then the three of them would go to the party together. Ymir was planning on being their designated driver for the night. Luckily for her, the two promised that they would just get high that night instead of drinking. </p><p>“So, Ymir? How are you going to win over Historia tonight?” Connie asked, nudging her in the side, as they walked to her car. Ymir felt her face flush in response to his question. His chuckle was enough for a response. </p><p>“Isn’t she going to be drinking tonight? She might say some brutally honest things to you, if you’re not careful,” Sasha added in. </p><p>“You’re right. I think I’ll be fine no matter what. I can’t get more hurt from this whole experience. If she says something that crushes me, I’ll probably steal some drugs and get high when I get home,” Ymir mumbled the last bit to them. However, Connie and Sasha still heard her and gave her a disapproving look. </p><p>Once the three of them got to her car, Ymir drove them back to her home. Over the couple of hours before the party, the three of them got ready in all different kinds of ways. Ymir spent her time dressing for it and trying her best to look so attractive that Historia won’t be able to say no. If that plan didn’t work out, then Ymir had spent some of her time writing a little letter to Historia. She made sure to pour out her heart and soul in hopes that Historia would give her another chance. While on the other hand, Sasha had bought edibles for her and Connie, so thirty minutes before the party, they took them. Before that, the two of them ate enough food for an army or otherwise their high wouldn’t be as good. Eventually, it was time for them to leave for the party. </p><p>The drive over to Hitch’s house shouldn’t have taken as long as it did, but Ymir did have to reprimand two high passengers a couple of times. However, they still got there a little bit before the party was due to start. Ymir decided that it wouldn’t hurt if they went in early. Also, if Historia was there, then she could talk to her now before she was drunk. </p><p>Once in the house, Connie and Sasha went their own way, but Ymir had to remind them of something important before they were on their own for the night,</p><p>“If you see Historia, don’t mention me.”</p><p>The two nodded at Ymir and she prayed that they would remember that. She didn’t have high hopes for them, but it was worth a shot. Ymir kept walking around the house, inspecting all of the different rooms until she ran into Hitch. </p><p>“Hey Ymir! It’s good to see you here,” Hitch truly did seem happy to see Ymir, but she kept looking around. </p><p>“Looking for Historia?” Ymir asked her. Hitch nodded at her. </p><p>“She’s in a funk, I think. Just don’t do anything crazy. Also, can I ask you for a favor?” Hitch asked Ymir. Her face was truly pleading with her. </p><p>“Sure? It can’t be too bad, right?”</p><p>“Take Historia home if she gets too drunk. I know I promised that I would take care of her, but there’s a lot of people coming and I want to know that someone will be looking out for her.”</p><p>Ymir reluctantly agreed to what Hitch had asked. She didn’t want to take care of three people that were out of their minds, but she also couldn’t live with herself if something happened to Historia if she didn’t take care of her. Maybe if she was lucky, Historia would be nicer to her when she was drunk and wouldn’t put up a fight if Ymir drove her back home. </p><p>The two said their goodbyes and Ymir continued to walk around looking for Historia. The house started to fill up even more, but then Ymir felt her phone ringing, telling her that she got a text message. Looking down at her phone, Ymir saw that Sasha was telling her that she had run into Historia. Sasha had also said that it looked like Historia was heading to the kitchen. </p><p>Pushing through crowds of people, Ymir eventually ended up at the kitchen, but it seems like Ymir had just missed her. Looking around, Ymir spotted what looked like a short blonde heading to the porch. Taking a deep breath, Ymir tried to convince herself that this was actually a good idea. Walking over to the door, Ymir braced herself before pulling it open. </p><p>Stepping outside, she saw that Historia was looking out at the town. Ymir thought that she looked so peaceful as she looked out. Shaking her head, she remembered what she came for. Forcing herself to walk, Ymir stood next to Historia. She was still preoccupied with staring at the town. </p><p>“Historia,” Ymir’s voice was soft as she spoke. She was terrified that if she spoke any louder, then Historia would be scared off. It seemed like Historia didn’t hear her, but as Ymir went to speak again, Historia beat her to it.</p><p>“Ymir, give me one good reason not to slap you right now,” Historia said as she turned to her side to look at Ymir. Her eyes looked almost black in the nighttime, but Ymir could see the fury behind them. Her mind froze as she looked at Historia. Part of her was thinking about how gorgeous she looked, but the other part was searching for what to say to her. Ymir needed to come up with a reason right at that moment, but nothing was coming up. </p><p>“Because I love you.”</p><p>Historia’s punch was hard, but quick. She stared at Ymir with tears building in her eyes. It felt as if they were in their own world for a moment, but that stopped when Historia stepped away. It appeared as if the tears were starting to fall down her face. She started to walk away, but she stopped before walking back inside. Raising her hand, Historia threw the half-eaten sandwich she had in her hand at Ymir. Ymir didn’t even flinch from the motion, she continued to stare at Historia. </p><p>“Fuck you,” Historia’s voice cracked as she spoke. Ymir saw tears falling down her face as she turned around and went inside. Urging her feet to move, Ymir ran into the house behind her, but found that Historia was nowhere to be found. Looking around the crowd, Ymir felt hopelessly as she started her trek once again for Historia.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really hope you liked the chapter! I am super excited to write the next chapter, where it'll follow Historia. I've literally been planning this party scene since I came up with the idea for this fic. It's going to be interesting to say at the least. I'm thinking it'll take me over a week to right, so maybe expect it in two weeks? I also wrote a one-shot with Ymir and Historia. It's called Washing Machine Heart and it would mean the world to me if you guys read it! I might be writing another one-shot, but with Mikasa and Sasha. </p><p>Lastly! If you want to ask me any questions or really anything, I made a tumblr! You can follow me at nottinghil1. I'll probably just post about the writing process or the shows that I'm watching. </p><p>Well, I'll see you guys in a week or two! As always, comments, suggestions, opinions, anything are always welcomed. Thank you for over a 1k hits on here. That absolutely means the world to me. Fun fact, this fic is 125 pages long! See you soon!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Everything in its Right Place</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Running into the house, Historia tried her hardest to get away from Ymir as fast as she could. Forcing her legs to go as fast as they could, Historia didn’t notice when she ran right into someone. Placing her hands on their chest, Historia tried to regain her balance before moving again. The poor body didn’t seem to mind it. Historia continued to wander around the house until she found the alcohol once again. This time around, she grabbed a handle of the closest alcohol and made her way to the basement.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys!! This is a shorter chapter than usual, it's just about 7.3k words. I hope you like the chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Running into the house, Historia tried her hardest to get away from Ymir as fast as she could. Forcing her legs to go as fast as they could, Historia didn’t notice when she ran right into someone. Placing her hands on their chest, Historia tried to regain her balance before moving again. The poor body didn’t seem to mind it. Historia continued to wander around the house until she found the alcohol once again. This time around, she grabbed a handle of the closest alcohol and made her way to the basement. </p><p>Taking sips here and there, Historia hoped that the drinking would help her gain her composure. Thinking of what Ymir said to her brought back tears to her eyes, but in hopes of trying to ignore them, Historia took another swing of the alcohol she grabbed. The alcohol burned her throat and lit a fire in her stomach. Now, she was ready to drink her sorrows away. </p><p>Looking around the basement, Historia immediately saw one of her mutual friends, standing by himself. Making her way over, Historia called out for him, hoping to grab his attention. At first, he didn’t hear Historia. She had to call out to him again to get him to turn around. </p><p>“Marco!” He eventually turned around and his face lit up upon seeing Historia. </p><p>“Hey! I didn’t know you were going to be here!” Marco seemed to be happy to see Historia. Looking around, Historia checked to make sure that no one else was around. The two had to stand right next to each other to hear what the other one was saying. </p><p>“So, is Jean here? Are you two finally dating?” Historia winked at Marco. She remembered how in love Marco was with Jean back in middle school. </p><p>“As a matter of a fact, we are! Tell me about you! I saw your homecoming photos, so what’s up with Ymir?” Marco nudged her shoulder, trying to get her to open up to him. </p><p>“Oh, that’s done and gone. She fucked it up. She keeps trying to fix things with me and it’s frustrating, you know?” Historia’s words were starting to slur a little bit as she spoke. The alcohol was finally starting to kick in. </p><p>“Jeez, I’m sorry Historia. You two looked happy from what I could tell. If she comes around, I’ll warn you,” Marco’s words were soft and sincere. The gesture made Historia smile. </p><p>The two continued to drink and talk for a while. Jean eventually came over and chatted with them as well. He told Historia about how they started dating and that they’ve been together for about half of a year at that point. The smile that was plastered on Marco’s face made Historia feel bittersweet. She was obviously happy for the two of them, but she couldn’t help but think about Ymir. Could they have been a real relationship? Could they have been happy together? Historia wanted Ymir and she wanted every part of Ymir, but she was furious with Ymir. How could she just tell Historia that she hated her?</p><p>“Historia? Are you okay?” Jean’s voice lowered as he placed his hand on her shoulder. Looking up at Jean, Historia didn’t even notice that she was crying. Wiping her tears away, she placed a hand on his, reassuring him that she was fine. They continued to talk, while Historia spaced out and drank even more. She knew that she should slow down, but it was her night to get black out drunk. </p><p>Letting her eyes wander around the room, Historia didn’t notice anything new until she locked eyes with someone. Ymir had made her way down to the basement and was apparently staring at Historia. It looked as if Ymir was crying this whole time. Her face looked like she was in pain, but Historia doubted that could be from the punch. </p><p>“Hey Historia,” Marco started, but Historia cut him off by grabbing his face and kissing him. When she finished, Historia looked to Ymir and saw that she had watched the whole exchange. Marco was shocked by getting kissed by Historia, while Jean was asking her what she was doing. Historia didn’t care. All she cared about was getting back at Ymir. Ymir looked shocked as well, but seemed to be crying still. </p><p>“Jean, you still smoke right? Give me your cigarettes and lighter. Here’s ten bucks for them and kissing your boyfriend,” Historia’s tone made Jean realize that she was in a serious mood. He quickly gave Historia what she had asked for and took the money that she was holding out for him. </p><p>Historia gave Ymir one more nasty look and started walking towards the door. She held onto her bottle of alcohol in one hand and pulled out a cigarette with the other. Stepping out of the basement, Historia stuck the cigarette in her mouth and lit it. She sat on the ground, taking a drag, then a sip of the alcohol. Before she knew it, Hitch was out there and sitting next to her. </p><p>“Historia, what the fuck are you doing?” Hitch seemed more concerned than pissed that she was drinking and smoking. </p><p>“Hitch, I’m heartbroken. The girl that I’m in love with, keeps breaking my heart. What do you think I’m doing,” Historia’s voice was monotone as she spoke. Hitch tried to respond, but decided not to say anything. Historia turned to the night sky and let herself get distracted with the stars. Out of the corner of her eye, she swore that the door opened, but decided to not give it much thought. </p><p>"My life sucks, Hitch. I loved her so much and look at me now, this is what I got in return. Perhaps one day, or one life, we can be okay together," Historia mumbled to herself. Hitch continued to listen, not saying anything. </p><p>“You know Hitch,” Historia started softly, “I’m not afraid of dying because I know she’ll be there waiting on the other side to live a whole other life with me. It’s comforting, in a weird way. Like, I’ll die one day, which will suck. But the good thing is that we get to have another life together, me and her.” </p><p>Turning to her side, Historia looked at Hitch. Her eyes were wide as she looked at Historia, like she knew something that Historia didn’t. However, she was too drunk to care. Noticing that her cigarette was done, Historia lit up another one. Taking a long drag, Historia looked back to the sky before talking again. </p><p>“When I think of true love, I think of the person I could go through chemo with. Someone who would still look at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. Someone who would give their all to take care of me. I always think of her. I think if I got dementia and forgot her, she would remind me who she was everyday. She’s not the type to leave… Well, she did leave, but otherwise, she doesn’t leave,” Historia’s voice was cracking as she spoke. She let the tears fall down her face, not caring what Hitch could think. </p><p>“Then why don’t you try again with her? She clearly cares and loves you. I don’t want to see you miserable anymore,” Hitch’s words were soft as she spoke to Historia. </p><p>“Because I’m angry! I tell her why I left and then she stops talking to me. She told me she hates me! Do you know how much that hurts? I love her so much that I feel like I’m in physical pain because of it! We’re supposed to end up together! We are meant to be, but she fucked it up! I’m not sure how she fucked up fate, but she did it. I’m just so angry with her! With myself! With the world! I want to be happy, but somehow, life just gets in the way and ruins my happiness,” Historia took her face into her hands, letting herself cry more. Hitch wrapped her arm around Historia, holding her tight. </p><p>“It’s okay Historia. Everything will end up okay,” Hitch whispered to her. </p><p>“I don’t think she knows that I love her too! Sure, I might tell her to fuck off, but I say it with tears in my eyes, not with anger. She must know that I love her. I love her so much Hitch. In a big way too. In a really, really, really big way. Like pretend to like her music, let her have the last piece of pie, hold a radio over my head outside her window, but it just makes me angry. It makes me hate her, but I still love her. I’m just so conflicted about it all and I’m not sure what to even do,” Historia took a deep breath before taking another drink and another drag. </p><p>“I love her Hitch! I’ve been trying to mash it down and ignore it and not say anything about it. I’m just so in love with her. She’s in me, it’s like she’s a disease. It’s like I’m infected by Ymir. It’s like I can’t function. I can’t breathe or sleep because I’m so in love with her! I’m not sure if I’ll be okay though, if I can’t have her,” Historia turned and buried her face into Hitch’s shoulder as she sobbed. She held onto her as she let herself cry over Ymir. Historia didn’t care who heard, but she just wanted to get those words out, that she still loved Ymir. </p><p>“Historia, maybe it’ll help if you talk to her. I have a feeling that this won’t come as a surprise to her. Almost as if she had heard it both,” Hitch whispered to Historia. Historia felt her body turn to look behind her, but she didn’t pay that thought much attention. </p><p>“I’m not sure if it’s worth it. She told me that she hates me. I’ve been starting to believe that it’s true,” Historia kept her face buried into Hitch’s shoulder. Her words were muffled by the fabric. </p><p>“How about we go back inside? Party some more since it’s getting late?” Hitch asked Historia. </p><p>Agreeing to Hitch’s idea, Historia slowly started to stand up. Once she was fully up, Hitch helped fix Historia’s makeup and clothing. Relighting her cigarette, Historia took one more drag before putting it out with her foot. Hitch grabbed the bottle from her and the two walked inside. Looking around the basement, Historia saw what looked like the back of Ymir’s head quickly walking away to the upstairs. Historia couldn’t help but wonder what caused her to walk so far away. It was almost as if she heard what Historia said. </p><p>The two girls spent the rest of their night partying together. Historia eventually convinced Hitch to drink a little bit, even if it was a beer or two. That was nothing compared to the many shots and drinks that Historia had downed. The night was coming to an end and Historia found herself laying on her side, staring at a wall. She had heard Hitch walk away earlier, but didn’t know when she was coming back. Historia found herself drifting off to sleep, but could hear the voices that were near her as they whispered. Unfortunately, she was too drunk to make them out. </p><p>“She’s really drunk and you promised that you would take her home. I’m not sure how you’ll get her out of here, she seems to be asleep,” the first voice whispered. </p><p>“It’s okay. I’ll just carry her and pray she doesn’t puke when I drive her back,” the other one whispered. </p><p>Historia felt two arms wrap under her torso and legs, picking her up from the couch. She was too drunk to care who was carrying her away, but it felt comfortable to her. Moving around, Historia managed to wrap her arms around the shoulders of the person that was carrying her. Feeling content, Historia let herself fall asleep. </p><p>~</p><p>Waking up slightly, Historia noticed that she was in a moving car. She was laying against what felt like a car door. There were soft voices talking around her, in a hushed tone. It sounded as if they were fighting with each other. However, Historia noticed a voice from before and two new ones.</p><p>“Look, I promised Hitch that I would take care of her. Plus I would feel like shit if I let her stay drunk there. I didn’t trust the guys that were at the party,” said the second voice from earlier.</p><p>“I get that, but I thought she hated you,” a new voice said. Historia believed that it belonged to a girl. </p><p>“I don’t think so. I heard her talking with Hitch about me and I think it’s safe to say that she doesn’t hate me,” the first voice said. </p><p>“Ymir,” a male voice cut in, “let’s say she doesn’t hate you. I think you’re jumping the gun. She probably doesn’t want you to take care of her when she’s drunk.” </p><p>“Hmm, meanie Ymir,” Historia hummed to herself, not realizing what she said out loud. </p><p>“Is she fucking awake?” The male voice hissed out. </p><p>“Jesus Christ, you’re fucked Ymir. Luckily, it’s our stop,” the other female voice said. Historia then heard the door open and two people leave. The car continued to drive again, but in silence this time. After a couple of minutes passed, Historia heard the car stop and assumed that it was put in park. </p><p>“Okay, I’m just gonna pick you up,” the voice whispered, as Historia felt herself being lifted. She let the body carry her into what she assumed was a house. It felt like she was being carried for forever until she was placed into a bed. Historia felt the covers being pulled over her as she was tucked in, then she felt the other person get into the bed on the other side. Laying over onto her stomach, Historia felt herself fall asleep, until a wave of nausea hit her. </p><p>Jumping out of the bed, Historia was brought out of her daze from her nausea. Looking around for a bucket, she noticed that she was in Ymir’s room. Before she knew it, she felt someone pulling her towards what she hoped was a bathroom. Keeping a hand on her mouth, she hoped that she could keep down the puke that was rising in her throat. Eventually, she saw a toilet and ran over. As she puked, Historia felt the person, who she now assumed was Ymir, holding back her hair. Historia continued to puke up all of the alcohol that was in her system until she felt like there was nothing left in her body. Laying her head on her arms, Historia tried to regain her composure before moving. </p><p>“I’ll draw you a bath, it should help. Plus you smell like puke,” Ymir let go of Historia’s hair as she moved to start the bath for her. Historia heard the water running as she laid there. Ymir moved over and flushed the toilet for Historia. </p><p>“I thought Hitch was supposed to take care of me,” Historia mumbled. Her words were a little slurred from the effects of the alcohol. </p><p>“She asked me before the party to take care of you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was busy with Marlo. Last time I checked, he was drinking a lot,” Ymir said. She continued to get the bath ready for Historia, while Historia tried not to move, afraid that she would puke again.</p><p>“That makes sense then. Sorry about all of this,” Historia felt her ears burn up in embarrassment. She couldn’t believe that someone was seeing her like this. Never in a million years did Historia think that Ymir would be taking care of her while she was drunk. </p><p>“I’m going to go get some clothes for you to change into after your bath. I’ll wait until you’re done before coming back in. Just don’t fall asleep in there,” Ymir sounded like she was pissed with Historia. </p><p>Historia heard the door close behind her and started to force herself to move a little bit. Picking her head up from her arms, Historia slowly started to sit up. Her stomach was still acting up, but she knew that the bath was going to help her. Once she was finally standing up, Historia took off her clothes and stepped into the bath. The temperature was perfect. The hot water was soothing her stomach ache. Historia took her time washing her hair and body, but eventually heard a knock from the door. </p><p>“I’ve got some water and toast for you, to help with your stomach. I also have your clothes whenever you’re ready,” Ymir’s voice was quiet as she spoke to Historia. She sounded exhausted as well. </p><p>“You can come in, just give me a second,” Historia grabbed the shower curtain and pulled it closed. She stuck her head out, making sure that her body was covered. Ymir walked in, keeping her head angled upwards. Historia couldn’t help, but laugh at the sight. Ymir was trying her best to walk straight, while holding clothes, a plate, and a cup of water. </p><p>“You can look down. I’ve covered up. Plus it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before. I mean we did everything together as kids,” Historia chuckled, emphasizing the 'everything'.</p><p>“You’re right, but it’s different now,” Ymir said as she lowered her head to look at Historia. She walked over and placed the toast and water by the bathtub, while she put the clothes on the sink for her. As she started to walk away, Historia felt the need to call out for her. </p><p>“Wait, don’t leave,” Historia’s voice was timid and soft spoken. Ymir stopped in her tracks and sat by the sink, looking at Historia. Her face was all twisted up in a sorrow expression. Her brows were so furrowed that Historia was sure that she was going to have wrinkles from it. </p><p>“I’m sorry… About throwing my sandwich at you and yelling at you. Just really about everything. Somehow, I’ve fucked up every time you’ve tried talking to me. I’m just angry,” Historia hugged her knees to her chest. She couldn’t find the courage to look directly at Ymir. </p><p>Hearing a sigh come from her left, Historia turned to look at Ymir. She was looking at her feet and Historia could see the tears that were building in her eyes. Ymir didn’t say anything for a while. She just sat there, staring at her feet. </p><p>“I’m sorry too. I was going to try to talk to you and fix things, but I wimped out a lot. One time, I think a week after we stopped talking, I tried to go over to your house. The problem is that I ran into your mom,” Ymir rubbed the back of her neck, trying to avoid looking at Historia. </p><p>In shock, Historia pulled back the curtain to look at Ymir. The thought of Historia running into her mother after everything that has happened, terrified Historia. Historia could only think of what her mother said to Ymir. She was so angry after Ymir stopped talking to her and Historia thought that she was out for murder when she found out. </p><p>“Jesus Christ Historia!” Ymir covered her eyes, trying to not look at Historia. Looking at Ymir, Historia could tell that her face was bright red underneath her hands. Chuckling, Historia pulled back the curtain, covering her body. </p><p>“Sorry, I forgot that I was naked,” Historia laughed at how flustered Ymir was. </p><p>“I can see that! Can I open my eyes yet?” Ymir asked. </p><p>“Actually, I was just about to get out. Keep them closed and I’ll get dressed quick,” Historia moved to let the bath drain. </p><p>Standing up, she had to place her hand on the wall to steady herself. Historia hurried out of the bathroom and grabbed her towel. Looking over at Ymir, she saw that her hands were still covering her eyes. As she finished drying off, she grabbed the clothes that Ymir had given her. It was a pair of boxers, basketball shorts, and a shirt that was twice her size. After she finished putting on the clothes, Historia tapped Ymir on the shoulder. </p><p>“I’m dressed and you’re blocking the door,” Historia said plainly to Ymir. </p><p>Opening her eyes, Ymir gave Historia a little smile before she stood up to unlock the door. While Ymir was facing away from Historia, Historia leaned in and hugged Ymir from behind. She felt Ymir tense up from the hug, but eventually gave into it. Historia continued to hold Ymir in her embrace until Ymir tried to move away. Feeling the sudden moment, Historia pulled her in closer. </p><p>“We should… Get to bed,” Ymir breathed out. She opened the door and broke free from Historia’s grasp. Feeling empty, Historia continued to follow after Ymir. Historia climbed under the covers quickly and waited for Ymir to do the same, but watched as Ymir took a blanket to the ground. </p><p>“You can sleep up here. It’s your bed after all,” Historia stared up at the ceiling, waiting for a response. </p><p>“When you’re sober, you won’t be happy to see me in the same bed as you,” Ymir’s voice was quiet as it came up from the ground. </p><p>“When I’m sober, I’ll be happy to see you,” Historia tried to move around in the bed to look down at Ymir. </p><p>“You threw a sandwich at me earlier and you punched me. I’m sorry that I don’t believe you,” Ymir said with a joking tone. Despite Ymir trying to cover it up with humor, Historia could still hear the hurt in her voice. </p><p>“Understandable,” Historia let out a little chuckle, “what if I have a nightmare? And I need someone to comfort me?” </p><p>Ymir peaked her head up from the ground and stared at Historia through the dark. Historia could see that she was trying to hold in her laughter. The brunette couldn’t keep it in as well as she thought and began to laugh. Historia reached out and grabbed her hand, trying to pull Ymir onto the bed. </p><p>“I don’t think you’ll have one,” Ymir pulled away and went back to laying on the ground. </p><p>“I probably will. I’ve been having them since we stopped talking,” Historia didn’t notice what she was saying until it was out in the air.</p><p>“Me too… It’s just my younger self yelling at me,” Ymir responded. </p><p>“Really?” Historia was shocked to hear that they were essentially having the same dream recently. </p><p>“Gives me a heart attack each time. I really hope I don’t have it again,” Ymir’s voice cracked as she spoke to Historia. </p><p>“Ymir, just come lay in bed and sleep with me. I swear I won’t care when I’m sober,” Historia’s tone was more serious as she spoke now. Ymir must have heard it in her voice because she stood up and gathered her blanket. She climbed into bed across from Historia. </p><p>Rolling over, Historia watched as Ymir got comfortable in bed. Ymir kept tossing and turning until she finally got the sheets exactly how she wanted them. Historia continued to watch her with a smile on her face. Eventually, Ymir saw how Historia was looking at her and questioned it. </p><p>“What?” Ymir asked with a bite in her voice. </p><p>Without thinking, Historia answered her,</p><p>“When I think about being married, I like to think about the little things. I think about falling asleep in my wife’s arms. I think about her arms being wrapped around me, holding me near. I would want to lay there listening to her heart beat and her breathing. It would probably lure me off to sleep. I think about our kids crawling in our bed in the morning. Somehow, all of us would end up on you and you would hold us all together with your arms.” </p><p>Looking up at Ymir, Historia watched as her face turned into an expression of shock. Only then did Historia realize that she said ‘you’ to Ymir. As in, she dreamed that Ymir would be her wife one day. Neither of them said anything until Historia decided to move in closer. She laid her head on Ymir’s chest and threw a leg over her. Her arms found their way around Ymir’s neck and shoulders. After a couple of minutes, Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia. Historia tried to do her best to fight off sleep until she knew that Ymir was asleep. Once she was sure, she looked up to her face and whispered,</p><p>“I’m in love with you.”</p><p>~</p><p>Morning came around faster than Historia had expected. The sun and the splitting headache had woken her up. As she laid there, her eyes closed, she realized that she felt a body under her. Opening her eyes, Historia saw that Ymir was underneath her and was asleep. Their faces were only a couple of inches apart. Historia felt the panic begin to rise in her. Why was she on top of Ymir? What had happened the night before?</p><p>It was almost like Ymir had felt Historia panicking from underneath herself. She stretched and wrapped her arms around Historia, while slowly opening her eyes. Ymir must have seen the panicked look on Historia’s face when she woke up. Pulling her arms away from Historia, Ymir went to open her mouth, but Historia beat her to it. </p><p>“What happened last night?” Historia’s voice was a low whisper, the panic was easily heard. </p><p>“I knew you lied. Why did I think you would remember last night?” Ymir gritted her teeth and turned away from Historia, clearly pissed off. </p><p>Climbing off of Ymir, Historia sat adjacent from her on the bed. She watched Ymir as she kept herself turned away from Historia. It seemed like Ymir was not going to say anything to Historia anytime soon. If she wanted to know what had happened, then Historia had to be the one to speak up. </p><p>“I’m sorry if I yelled at you. I seriously don’t remember anything after throwing a sandwich at you,” Historia stared at her hands, afraid of Ymir’s glare. </p><p>“You didn’t yell at me. It was worse than that in a sense,” Ymir sounded like she was disappointed, like she was expecting something to happen. </p><p>“Can you tell me what I said to you?” Historia moved closer to Ymir, putting a hand on her leg. Ymir turned her head to look at Historia. There were tears in her eyes. Reaching out, Historia wiped them away and motioned for Ymir to grab her glasses. </p><p>“Thanks,” Ymir mumbled as she put her glasses on, “You should probably ask Hitch first. I’ll go make us breakfast.”</p><p>Historia watched as Ymir walked out of the room. Once she was gone, she looked around the room to find her phone. Stopping in front of the mirror, she saw that she was wearing Ymir’s clothes. The idea of Ymir taking care of her drunk made her smile. Eventually, Historia saw that her phone was charging in a corner. Opening it up, she called Hitch demanding to know what had happened last night. </p><p>“Historia… It’s eight in the morning. Why are you calling me?” Hitch sounded like she must have just woken up. </p><p>“What the fuck happened last night? Tell me why I woke up in Ymir’s bed. What did I say to her?” Historia kept her voice to a whisper, but her panic was obvious. </p><p>“Well, I’m not sure what you said to her when she took you home. However, you did get really drunk and cried about her with me. Ymir was right behind us for the whole conversation. Do you not remember kissing Marco and stealing Jean’s cigarettes?” Hitch was shocked at Historia’s lack of knowledge. </p><p>“Jesus Christ, what did I say? Hurry up, I think she’s coming back with breakfast.”</p><p>“You said that you were so in love with her that she’s a disease in you. You also said a lot more crazy stuff. I’m gonna go now. Good luck Historia.” With that, Hitch hung up on Historia. </p><p>Standing there, Historia stared at the wall. She was in disbelief that had gone on a drunk rant about Ymir. The worst part was that it seems like Ymir was sober last night, so she is going to remember everything that Historia said. Not noticing the door opening, Historia jumped when she felt Ymir’s hand on her shoulder. </p><p>“Hey, did you talk to Hitch?” Ymir whispered to Historia. She moved to the bed where she placed down the breakfast that she had readied for her. </p><p>“Uh, yeah I did. Apparently, I said a lot of stuff last night,” Historia said as she walked over to the bed. She sat down next to Ymir and started to dig into the food. Looking up, Historia saw that Ymir had a kind smile on her face. </p><p>“I hope you don’t mind wearing my clothes. You puked a lot last night, so I drew you a bath. You only flashed me once, but it was your fault,” Ymir laughed, patting Historia’s arm. </p><p>“I assumed something like that happened, but what made me flash you? Was I angry or something?” Historia was confused as to what could have made her do that to Ymir. </p><p>“No, no no. You apologized to me and I apologized as well. I told you that I went to apologize to you once, but I ran into your mom. That caused you to open the curtain to look at me. I think you forgot that you were naked,” Ymir laughed as she demonstrated what Historia must have done the night before. </p><p>“You ran into my mom? God, I’m so sorry. She must have said some nasty stuff to you,” Historia patted Ymir’s arm, hoping that would be enough to comfort her. </p><p>“No, it wasn’t bad, don’t worry. So, you seriously don’t remember anything?” Ymir asked her. </p><p>“Just a little bit. I kind of remember the bath now and my conversation with Hitch. She told me that you overheard the conversation. Do you remember what I said?” Historia turned her head, so that she wasn’t looking into Ymir’s eyes. </p><p>“I do. You said things I would have never thought you would say about me. Apparently, drunk you is in love with me,” Historia could hear the smug that was in her voice. Looking back at Ymir, she saw a small smirk on her face. </p><p>“It’s complicated. I’m still angry with you,” Historia’s voice was a whisper now. She saw the smile on Ymir’s face disappear. </p><p>“Of course. Why did I think everything would be better now?” Ymir turned her head away from Historia, ignoring her stare. </p><p>“I have a good reason. You promised me that you would never leave me again, but then you left. I don’t want to get my heart broken again,” Historia moved away from Ymir and crossed her arms over her chest. </p><p>“Do you think I wanted to break your heart? Do you think I want to break my heart again? I love you Historia… But you won’t let me love you! You close yourself off and don’t tell me how you feel! The only way that I knew how you felt is that Sasha told me! It was very obvious that I had feelings for you and you could have said something!” Ymir was close to yelling at this point. Historia could see the anger that was in her eyes. </p><p>“Jeez, I wonder why I’m closed off! Maybe it’s because I was afraid that you were going to leave me! I heard you tell them MULTIPLE times that you were going to leave me when I told you the truth. Then! You had the audacity to tell me you weren’t going to leave me! I told you that my parents sent me to fucking conversion therapy and the reason I stopped talking to you was that I was in love with you and they fucking beat it out of me! Then you left the next day! How am I supposed to feel? Did I say something to you last night that made you think I would give you a second chance easily?” </p><p>“You told me that you’re in love with me! You told me that you imagine us getting married! Having kids! Growing old together! That you’re not afraid of dying because no matter what I’ll be there! Historia, just let me love you! I love you so much! I love you like how night and day love each other. Waiting through the day and night just so they can kiss at dawn and dusk. Historia, I will wait for you until the end of my days to be with you. I don’t care if that means I get one minute or twenty years with you. I’ll wait because I’ll be with you! Historia, you are the blood within me, coursing through me. You are my air, my water, my nourishment, my world. I am nothing without you! I will be in love with you until the day I die, then I’ll find you in the next life. I will love you through all of my reincarnations. You are what love is! Please Historia, let me love you. You are my world!”</p><p>“Ymir, how am I supposed to believe you? Last time you said all of this, it ended up being one big lie. You have to show that you love me, you can’t keep telling me it. To me, actions are so much more important than words. You can’t keep saying that you love me, but not show it to me. When have you shown that you love me? Never! But you want to know what you did show me? That you don’t care about me! You left me Ymir! I had to lose you all over again. I have nightmares now because of it! Every night, I see my younger self screaming at me for losing you again. I haven’t been sober in so long! All I do is get drunk or get high because when I’m sober, I have to face that reality that I don’t have you anymore. My reality is a hell now because I don’t have you! How am I supposed to live and be happy when I can’t have you? I can’t have you because I don’t trust the words that are coming out of your mouth. Ymir, I can’t put myself through this again. I love you, but I can’t go through the pain and ache of loving you again. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Historia, please. I’ll do anything to have you know that I love you still. I would walk through hell and back for you. Please, I want a life with you. I want to have that life with you now versus later. Historia, it’s you. It’s always been you. I’ve known that I love you since we were kids. Please Historia. Do you not want that dream anymore? Do you not want to have kids with me? Do you not want to have quiet Sunday mornings with me? Just imagine. We’ll make them pancakes and draw smiley faces on them. Our kids will be happy and healthy. They won’t go through anything we went through. We’ll be happy, Historia,” Ymir had tears falling from her face and reached out for Historia’s hand. Seeing the movement, Historia pulled her hand back and stared at Ymir.</p><p>“No. I’m not dealing with this again.”</p><p>Historia stood up from the bed and grabbed her clothes. Standing by the door frame, she took one more look at Ymir, who sat there on the bed, eyes begging for Historia to stay. Taking a deep breath, Historia turned around and slammed the door shut. She walked out of the house and made her way back home. It was bound to be a long walk, but Historia just needed to get home and away from Ymir. How could Ymir continue to pretend to love her when all of it was false? It was all just a big lie for Ymir to continue to ruin Historia. </p><p>Turning the corner, Historia was finally back at her house. She stormed into her house and shut the door. It was clear to her parents that she was not in the mood to be bothered. The two of them watched her walk up the stairs into her room. Closing the door behind her, Historia jumped onto her bed. Laying there, she thought about what she had said to Ymir. What Ymir was saying to Historia felt so raw and honest. The whole interaction brought tears to her eyes. She hugged her pillow as she sobbed into it, regretting everything she had just done. There was no coming back from this. Ymir would hate her now. </p><p>Maybe Historia could call Hitch and talk about what had just happened? Or maybe it would be better for her to call Sasha because she knew Ymir better. However, they would hate her for this. Ymir was trying to fix everything and give them another chance, but Historia grabbed it and completely crushed it. She easily just ruined Ymir right now. </p><p>As she cried into her pillow, the thoughts of the night before came flashing back. She remembered Ymir carrying her home, holding her hair back as she puked, drawing a bath for her, and climbing into bed with her when Historia had asked her. Historia especially remembered everything that she had said to her. That night, Historia had made it obviously clear that she was still in love with Ymir and that she missed her. That would have been okay if Historia didn’t wake up and absolutely ruin it. </p><p>Historia’s phone lit up and started ringing. She tried her best to ignore it, but the caller continued to call. Flipping onto her back, Historia grabbed her phone and saw that it was Sasha who was calling. There was a part of her that didn’t want to pick up the phone, but knowing Sasha, she would continue to call. </p><p>“Hello?” Historia’s voice was shaky and cracking from her crying. </p><p>“Historia, what happened? Ymir just called me crying and I remember that she brought you back to her house last night. I’m not angry, I’m just worried about Ymir,” Sasha’s voice was gentle, like a soft hug. </p><p>“I left her. Again. She tried to fix things with me and she tried to apologize, but I wouldn’t let her. I just yelled at her and God, I feel like shit. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me and I don’t blame her,” Historia’s voice was going in and out as the tears fell down her face. </p><p>“It’s okay, Historia. You just need to talk to me, so I can help Ymir. Why did you leave her?” Sasha asked Historia. </p><p>“Look,” Historia’s voice shook as she tried to steady her breathing, “I just can’t shake the feeling that she’ll just leave me again if I dare to stay. She promised me the world once and then left. It can happen again. My brain is telling me to run and not to trust her. She tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t show it. I think I would trust her a lot more if she showed that she would stay instead of promised it.”</p><p>“Historia, I really like you, I do. However, you need to get your shit together. I can hear that you really care about Ymir, but you give her little pieces to go on. Like last night, talking about that she’s the love of your life to Hitch. You tell Hitch how much Ymir means to you, but you don’t tell Ymir. You are just going to continue to hurt her. I know Ymir. She is going to love you no matter what and she won’t leave you. I think she’s learned her lesson and she’s in therapy. She’s getting better. You need to figure out, sober, if Ymir is the one for you. If she really is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life loving. I can’t watch her keep getting heart broken by you, so please Historia, get your shit together,” Sasha quickly hung up the phone once she was done talking. </p><p>The words that Sasha had said to Historia cut deep into her. All parts of her knew that she was right. That Historia needed to get everything together and be honest with Ymir. However, parts of her were screaming for her to stop and think. Her brain was saying that she needed to leave Ymir alone. That Ymir was poisonous for her. Ymir was some temptress that was going to break her heart no matter what. </p><p>Her heart was telling her to trust in Ymir. Trust her words. Trust her love. Trust that Ymir was being truthful to Historia, that she did indeed love her. Historia wanted to fully listen to her heart no matter what, but all of the evidence backed up her mind’s reasoning. Ymir had left her. Therefore, her mind was the one that she should listen to, despite how much it hurt to do that. </p><p>Historia’s phone buzzed in her hand. Part of her didn’t want to check. It was probably Sasha, who would be continuing her scolding. However, when she looked down, Historia saw that it was Ymir who had texted her. Raising her hand, Historia debated whether opening her phone or not. Collecting her nerves, Historia opened up her phone and read the text from Ymir. </p><p>“Let me take you on three dates. In those three dates, I will try my best to convince you that I do love you. Don’t respond right away though. Take your time and sit on this. I know you love me Historia, whether you want to admit it or not. Tell me in a week if I can take you on these dates. If after the three dates, you decide that you think I don’t love you, then I won’t try to fight you. If you believe I don’t love you after them, then I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”</p><p>Her heart leapt out of her chest, telling her to respond right away and tell Ymir to bring her on the dates immediately. Taking deep breaths, Historia tried to calm herself down. Obviously, she wanted Ymir to bring her on the dates and show her that she truly did love her. Part of her was scared though. What if Ymir was lying about loving her? What if Historia didn’t love her? What if it all ended badly?</p><p>Thoughts flew around Historia’s head as she wondered what could happen. Placing her phone down, she tried to regain her composure. She had a week before she had to respond to her and tell Ymir her verdict. What did Ymir have in mind to try to gain Historia back? Would it be enough for Historia to believe that she loved her? Historia let her thoughts consume her as she laid on her bed, wondering all of the ifs and buts. </p><p>~</p><p>It had been two months since Ymir had proposed that Historia should give her another chance through the forms of the dates. It was their first one of three. Historia stood in front of Ymir’s door, anxious to ring the doorbell. She fiddled with the bottom of her skirt as she tried to gain the confidence to ring. As she lifted her hand, the door suddenly opened to Ymir staring back at her. Ymir was dressed in a white turtleneck with a pair of black slacks on. She extended her hand to Historia for her to take, bringing her into the house. </p><p>“Let me show you what I have planned. You brought a change of clothes right?” Ymir asked her. Historia nodded at Ymir. </p><p>Holding her hand, Ymir led Historia to her room before stopping in front of the closed door. Ymir let go of her hand and went behind her, placing a hand over Historia’s eyes. Part of Historia wanted to fight Ymir, but gave in. </p><p>“You ready?” Ymir whispered in Historia’s ear, right before she opened the door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you liked it! I've had a very long week. My dog has been sick, coughing all night, so I've barely gotten any sleep all week. That will probably continue into the next week. School has been super crazy. I'm planning about five more chapters in this story, if that, so we are in the homestretch. </p><p>As always, I love seeing comments! I love to hear what you thought about this chapter! Also, follow me on tumblr at nottinghil1 if you want to talk to me or just see the things I like. Expect the next chapter in a week. Fun fact, the fic is two months old today! I also have some one shots that I’m writing right now!! Keep an eye out for them!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Sail to the Moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Laying on her bed, Ymir stared up at her ceiling, trying to retain any amount of composure that she had. Historia had just stormed out of her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. There was no point in trying to follow after her and stop her from leaving. If Historia wanted to keep leaving Ymir again and again, then she was allowed to.</p>
<p>Fluff and some serious talks :)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, sorry for the long update. I'll explain in the end note. Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laying on her bed, Ymir stared up at her ceiling, trying to retain any amount of composure that she had. Historia had just stormed out of her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. There was no point in trying to follow after her and stop her from leaving. If Historia wanted to keep leaving Ymir again and again, then she was allowed to.</p>
<p>However, none of it stopped Ymir from crying. She felt the tears build in her eyes and spill over. Pulling her knees to her chest, she desperately tried to comfort herself. Historia would always keep leaving her. This was all because Ymir had messed up. It was all because Ymir decided that it was okay to leave Historia, even if that wasn’t what she wanted. </p>
<p>Once her crying started to calm down, Ymir grabbed her phone and searched through her contacts. Maybe someone else could help her feel a little better. After trying to figure out if she wanted to talk to Connie or Sasha, Ymir decided with Sasha. She would probably empathize with her more than Connie would. Bringing her phone to her ears, Ymir waited as it ringed. </p>
<p>“Hello? Is everything okay?” Sasha must have been able to sense that something bad was bound to happen between her and Historia. </p>
<p>“I tried. I really tried again. I told her that I loved her and wanted to be with her, but she stormed off again. God! How is this so hard! How is loving someone so painful? I just wanted to be happy with her, but I don’t think she wants that,” Ymir tried her best to hold back the tears, but her voice was clearly shaking. </p>
<p>“Ymir… I’ll call her okay? I bet she was just frazzled that you took her back to your house. It’s going to be okay. I promise,” Sasha hung up after that, leaving Ymir by herself. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Sasha was yelling at Historia. Ymir didn’t blame her, she wanted to let herself be angry, but there was no anger found in her. </p>
<p>A couple of minutes later, Ymir’s phone started to ring and she saw that it was Sasha who was calling her. Taking a deep breath, Ymir prepared herself to hear what Sasha had said to Historia. </p>
<p>“I told her to get her shit together. It’s painfully obvious that she loves you, but she needs to get her shit together. Like Ymir, you are the most perfect mother fucker out there and she’s just being stupid. Look, I’m hungover from yesterday, so you need to figure out your plan. Goodnight, I’ll see you later,” Sasha quickly hung up. </p>
<p>Hearing Sasha tell her goodnight, while it was still the morning, made Ymir giggle for the first time that morning. Thinking over what Sasha had said to her, Ymir tried to figure out what she could say to Historia that would make her want to be with her. She had tried telling her all of her feelings and apparently, that didn’t work. Maybe it was time for Ymir to show Historia her feelings? Inspiration struck and Ymir quickly typed out a text message to Historia. Looking at it, she sent it before she started to regret it. It read,</p>
<p>“Let me take you on three dates. In those three dates, I will try my best to convince you that I do love you. Don’t respond right away though. Take your time and sit on this. I know you love me Historia, whether you want to admit it or not. Tell me in a week if I can take you on these dates. If after the three dates, you decide that you think I don’t love you, then I won’t try to fight you. If you believe I don’t love you after them, then I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”</p>
<p>“Perfect,” Ymir breathed out. </p>
<p>Ymir didn’t want to wait around for a response, so she started walking around, cleaning her room. The text sent energy coursing through her. Finally, she knew what she needed to do to win over Historia. She needed to show Historia how much she loved her. Obviously, Ymir could spend the rest of her life, constantly telling Historia how much she loved her. However, that wouldn’t compare to a kiss or a sweet movie night. </p>
<p>“Aha!” Ymir was struck with an idea and ran over to her desk. She pulled out her journal and started writing down ideas. The paper was soon covered with half written sentences of ideas for dates. However, Ymir circled the first one that came to mind. A movie night. She wanted to make Historia a nice fancy dinner and then have a movie night together in the fort that they used to make as kids. Ymir was absolutely sure that this would make Historia know that she loved her. </p>
<p>The only problem was that Ymir did not know if Historia was going to say yes or no to her. Historia could easily tell Ymir that she never wanted to hear from her again. However, Historia could tell her that she wanted to be with her in that exact moment. Ymir did give her a week though to decide. She wanted Historia to make sure that she really wanted to be with Ymir. The next week would prove to be hell for Ymir. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>The week was almost over and from her stolen glances towards Historia, Ymir was feeling uneasy about the decision that she would hear about on Sunday. She tried her best to push out her worries and focus on her lunch with Connie and Sasha. The two of them knew that she was anxiously awaiting Historia’s response all week long. </p>
<p>“You know that she is going to agree to the three dates right? There’s no way that she can’t. I mean, you’re a sexy hunk!” Connie tried to emphasize his point with jazz hands. However, that just gained him a smack on the head from Sasha. </p>
<p>“I’m not sure about that. It’s Historia. She’s uh… Distant. And bad at feelings. I don’t have high hopes honestly,” Ymir mumbled to herself. </p>
<p>“I think she’ll give you a shot. There’s no way that she wouldn’t,” Sasha patted Ymir’s shoulder in an effort trying to comfort her. </p>
<p>The words provided little comfort to Ymir’s feelings. She was insanely anxious about what was going to happen in the next couple of days. There was a good chance that Historia would turn her down and that was going to be the end of it all. There would be no more Historia in her life. </p>
<p>However, Ymir couldn’t let herself fall down that rabbit hole. If she continued to let herself fall down that hall, then she would never be able to fix anything with Historia. She couldn’t constantly worry about what could and what couldn’t happen. The only way to work through all of this with Historia. It was only if she was confident in it. She needed to be confident that Historia would stay. </p>
<p>The rest of lunch went by in a blur, Ymir was too worried about Sunday to pay attention to what Connie or Sasha were saying. Ymir just prayed that all of this would work out in her favor. She just needed a win for once. </p>
<p>Once the bell rang, Ymir headed off to her last class of the day. Part of her didn’t want to participate, but it would be nice to have something to take her mind off of things with Historia. Walking down to the classroom, Ymir noticed that they had a sub that day in orchestra. That only meant that they wouldn’t play. </p>
<p>Sitting down, Ymir pulled out her computer and opened up Minecraft. The class quickly went by and Ymir was making her way to the buses. Thankfully, it was Friday and they had Monday and Tuesday off, giving Ymir a nice long weekend. As she walked towards her bus, Ymir noticed Hitch was walking with someone, a blonde someone. </p>
<p>Immediately, Ymir noticed that it was Historia, but why would Historia go home with Hitch? Unless, the two of them were going to talk about Ymir. She only prayed that Hitch would be able to talk some sense into Historia. The two got onto the bus before her, so that would mean Historia would notice her get on the bus. Ymir wished that she could hide away from her gaze. </p>
<p>Stepping onto the bus, Ymir tried her best to be quiet, but looking up, Ymir saw Historia staring back at her. She felt frozen under Historia’s icy gaze, but tried her best to keep walking and find an empty spot. As she passed Historia, she felt Historia’s hand reach out and grab her pants. Ymir turned around to Historia and stood there staring at her. Neither of them said anything to each other, but when Ymir started walking, Historia started speaking. </p>
<p>“Ymir, can we talk soon?” Historia’s voice was almost a whisper, barely audible over the noises of the bus. </p>
<p>“Uh, sure,” Ymir gave Historia a quick smile before running to the back of the bus. Her heart was pounding out of her chest. She had given Historia a week to make her decision. Why did Historia want to talk now? Why was she urgent about it? </p>
<p>Sitting down, Ymir kept an eye on the back of Historia’s head. She watched as Hitch and Historia conversed, there was a good chance it was about Ymir. Something felt off by all of it. Ymir couldn’t put her finger on it. For the rest of the bus ride, Ymir kept her eye on Historia, until Hitch got up and left. That left an opening next to Historia. Why didn’t Historia get up with Hitch?</p>
<p>Forcing herself up, Ymir ran over to Historia’s spot before the bus started moving again. Historia seemed as surprised as she was. Ymir didn’t understand why she decided to do that. The two of them sat there, staring at each other. Neither of them were able to speak. </p>
<p>“Good thing you came up. I don’t know what your stop is,” Historia tried to joke. Ymir kept looking at her, trying to figure out why Historia would still be on the bus, now that Hitch has gone. </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you leave with Hitch? You know that was her stop, right?” Ymir stared at Historia, trying to get her answer from her expression. </p>
<p>“You said that we could talk soon? Is now not good?” Historia’s face took on an expression of innocence, like she didn’t know that Ymir meant later in the week. </p>
<p>“I gave you a week, I thought you would take the whole week to think of your response. Are you sure that you want to talk now?” Ymir asked. She placed her hand on Historia’s shoulder and this time, Historia didn’t move away. It seemed like she almost sank into the gesture. </p>
<p>“I’m ready to talk now. I think I would have stressed myself out if I waited any longer. It’s better if we talk now, only if you’re okay with it,” Historia reached up and held onto Ymir’s hand. The tension in Ymir’s shoulders immediately lifted. She was finally seeing good signs from Historia. </p>
<p>“I’m okay with it. This is my stop,” Ymir stood up and held out her hand to Historia. Historia looked from her hand to her face, waiting a few seconds before taking Ymir’s hand. Ymir intertwined her fingers with Historia’s and smiled to herself. </p>
<p>The two walked back to Ymir’s slowly, holding hands and not talking. Ymir didn’t know what she should say to Historia. It was better if Ymir wanted for Historia to be the one who talks first. She was the one who came onto her bus. </p>
<p>Ymir let go of Historia’s hand to open her door. She noted that her mother wasn’t home, it would give her time and space to talk freely with Historia. Walking towards the kitchen, she told Historia that she was grabbing water for the two of them. When she was back in the living room, she noticed that Historia wasn’t there. She must have gone into Ymir’s room by herself. </p>
<p>Once in her room, Ymir saw that Historia was sitting on her bed, staring at her hands. Historia slowly looked up at Ymir, smiling as she reached out to grab the water. Ymir sat down next to her, waiting for Historia to do anything. It looked like Historia was trying to gather her thoughts together. Ymir didn’t want to bother her until she was ready to talk to her. </p>
<p>“Ymir… I’ve been thinking over the week. About last weekend. Your text. Everything that you said to me. Everything that I said to you. I’ve decided that I want to take you up on those three dates. There is only one thing that I want before we do the three dates,” Historia’s voice was shaking as she spoke. Her face was still turned away from Ymir’s, her focus on the cup in front of her. </p>
<p>“Okay, what is it?” Ymir kept her voice to a whisper, afraid to scare Historia away. </p>
<p>“Can we take some time to just be friends, like old times? Then, we could go on the dates. I just want to rebuild the trust between each other and not rush into it. I obviously want to be with you, but I think it’s better if we go slow,” Historia turned her head away from Ymir, not looking at her. </p>
<p>“That’s okay. I think it’s a pretty good idea,” Ymir put her hand on Historia’s shoulder, hoping to reassure her. Historia slowly turned to face Ymir, her eyes looked wary and unsure. Ymir smiled gently at Historia, hoping that she would realize that Ymir was okay with the idea. </p>
<p>“Do you want to start now?” Historia was finally looking at Ymir, but looked scared of Ymir’s response. </p>
<p>“Sure, we can watch a movie if you’re up to it. Or really do whatever you want,” Ymir squeezed Historia’s shoulder. She seemed to finally light up and a smile returned to her face. Ymir felt her cheeks burn a little bit as she stared at Historia’s face, her heart beating a little faster than usual. </p>
<p>“Do you want to grab ice cream and then we can come back to watch a movie?” Ymir asked as she stood up. </p>
<p>“Sure, that sounds good. You have a car we can take right?” Historia asked as she watched Ymir look around for her wallet and car keys. </p>
<p>“Uh, yeah. Want to go to Big Gay Ice cream?” Ymir asked, as she found what she was looking for. She motioned for Historia to follow her out of her room.</p>
<p>“Sounds good to me, but I’m not sure how we would get gayer from it,” Historia giggled softly. The sound brought a smile to Ymir’s face as the two of them walked out to the car. It had been so long since Ymir had heard a laugh from Historia. </p>
<p>The drive over to the ice cream shop was short and sweet. The tension that was between Historia and Ymir had slowly gone away, as the two grew comfortable with each other’s presence once again. Historia had her window down and she was moving her hand with the wind. Ymir couldn’t help but smile at her. Having Historia with her again… The feeling was indescribable. </p>
<p>“Do you want to get our regular?” Historia asked Ymir as they pulled into a spot. </p>
<p>“Sounds good to me. What are you in the mood to watch?” Ymir asked as she climbed out of the car, unsure if Historia heard her or not. </p>
<p>“Fried Green Tomatoes?” Historia popped up next to Ymir, slightly scaring her. </p>
<p>“Huh?!” Ymir didn’t know what Historia was saying to her. </p>
<p>“You asked what I wanted to watch? So, I told you,” Historia furrowed her eyebrows at Ymir. </p>
<p>“I did. Why did you tell me a dish instead? We can order some if you are hungry,” Ymir said as she started walking towards the ice cream shop. </p>
<p>“Ymir, it’s a movie. With Kathy Bates? And southern lesbians that own a restaurant together in the 1920’s,” Historia punched Ymir in the arm as she caught up to her. </p>
<p>“Ow shortie. You know that you could have just said that instead, but yeah, we can watch that when we get back,” Ymir smiled at Historia as she patted Historia’s shoulder. The two continued to walk towards the store together. When they walked into the store, they noticed how long the line was. It would be a while until the two were able to order and then receive their ice cream. As the two stood in line next to each other, Ymir felt as Historia moved closer to her. Eventually, her arm was pressed up against Ymir’s and her hand found Ymir’s. The small amount of physical touch brought a smile to Ymir’s face. </p>
<p>When the line moved up and it was their time to order, Ymir continued to hold onto Historia’s hand as she ordered for the two of them. They got their regular and two burgers for each other. The wait for their food was another fifteen minutes, so Ymir decided that this would be the perfect time for them to chat for a little bit. </p>
<p>“How’s your parents?” Ymir asked. She moved in closer to Historia, so that she wouldn’t have to talk that loud. </p>
<p>“Good. They are a little worried about me because of everything, but I know that they still love you. They'll welcome you back with open arms. Once I tell them,” Historia squeezed Ymir’s hand as a little reassurance. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make it up. You mean a lot to me and I’m not going to let it all fall apart,” Ymir’s voice was close to a whisper as she spoke to Historia. </p>
<p>“You know you can just say that you love me,” Historia laughed as she held onto Ymir’s arm. </p>
<p>“Okay, I love you and I’m not going to let it all go to shit. How is that?” Ymir’s eyebrow was raised at Historia. </p>
<p>“I love you more, you big dork. Is our food almost ready?” Ymir followed Historia’s gaze, which was eyeing the counter where the food was placed. Before they knew it, someone was calling Ymir’s name. The two walked over and grabbed their order. Somehow, they continued to hold hands throughout it. Historia was swinging their hands back and forth as they walked out of the doors. It brought a smile and blush to Ymir’s face. Historia just looked so happy… It was because of Ymir too. </p>
<p>“You’ll love the movie too. It’s all about subtext. Like, they never say that they are lesbians. But when someone tells you that they are settled down with you, you know they are gay. Kind of reminds me of us in a sense,” Historia said as they arrived at Ymir’s car. She climbed in first and held the food on her lap. </p>
<p>“How so?” Ymir asked. </p>
<p>“Well, there’s a part where they don’t see each other for a while, but it’s obvious that they still love each other. If that makes sense,” Historia kept her eyes on her hands, eyes away from Ymir’s gaze. </p>
<p>“Yeah, it does,” Ymir whispered as she turned on the ignition. The two of them drove away in silence from the store. Ymir was afraid of saying the wrong thing and making Historia run away. On the drive back, Ymir continued to overthink. She was worried that she was reading too much into what Historia was saying. </p>
<p>They continued to stay in silence as Ymir parked at her house. Neither Historia or herself dared to speak. Ymir grabbed some of the food to keep from Historia carrying it all into the house. Once in the house, Ymir headed towards the kitchen to get them plates. Historia took the rest of the food into Ymir’s room. Part of Ymir was afraid that she had done or said something that shook Historia. All of her worries were put to rest when she heard Historia walk back into the kitchen. </p>
<p>“Ymir?” Historia’s voice was timid. </p>
<p>“Yeah, what’s up?” Ymir looked at Historia, trying to figure out what was wrong. </p>
<p>“Can I have a hug?” The sentence put her worries to rest. Ymir nodded at Historia and swooped her up into a hug. The two stayed there, in the comfortable warmth of their embrace, all until Ymir noticed that Historia was crying slightly. Pulling back, Ymir got on her knees, looking up to Historia. </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” She lifted her hand to brush the hair and tears away from Historia’s face. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I never meant to mess everything up. I’m sorry Ymir. I’ll get going,” Historia turned away from Ymir, trying to get to the door, but was stopped by Ymir’s hand. </p>
<p>“Historia… You can’t just run away again. I want you here… And I want to watch that movie with you. Come stay the night with me, okay? If you wake up tomorrow morning and realize you've made a mistake, then you can leave, but stay the night first. I’ve missed you,” Ymir felt that she had tears at her eyes, but didn’t dare let them fall. </p>
<p>“You sure?” Historia’s voice was shaking, tears spilling from her eyes. Ymir nodded and pulled Historia into a hug, her head against her stomach. </p>
<p>“I’m sure. Now, let’s go watch that movie,” Ymir stood to her full height and picked up Historia, bridal style before she knew it. The move made Historia laugh as she wrapped her arms around Ymir’s neck. Ymir walked over to the counter and had Historia grab the plates for the two of them. Ymir walked the two of them back to her room, but before she could place Historia on the bed, she sat up slightly and kissed Ymir’s cheek. The action brought a blush onto Ymir’s face and she quickly put Historia down on the bed. </p>
<p>“Ooo, does someone have a crush?” Historia giggled as she teased Ymir. </p>
<p>“Shut up,” Ymir went to wave Historia off, but was shocked when Historia grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the bed. Taken aback by the motion, Ymir accidentally landed on top of Historia. From Historia’s laugh, it seemed as if this was Historia’s plan all along. </p>
<p>As Ymir tried to regain her composure, Historia grabbed Ymir’s face and brought it closer to hers. She leaned in and kissed Ymir’s forehead and then her nose. Historia pulled away and chuckled at Ymir’s face. She was shocked by Historia’s actions, that she didn’t register how much her cheeks were burning. </p>
<p>“You definitely have a crush,” Historia laughed as she patted Ymir’s shoulder to get her off of Historia. </p>
<p>“As if you don’t,” Ymir mumbled under her breath. </p>
<p>“No, I do. Of course I would. Have you seen yourself?” Historia raised her eyebrow at Ymir. Ymir could only shake her head at her as she got off of Historia. </p>
<p>Ymir got off of the bed to grab her laptop from her bag. Looking up, she saw that Historia had been watching her the whole time. There was a certain look in her eyes that Ymir decided to ignore. The two of them were going to stay friends until they were comfortable enough to go on those dates, Ymir reminded herself. </p>
<p>Climbing back onto the bed, Ymir moved around until she found a comfortable enough position for herself. Historia eventually inched herself over until her head was on Ymir’s chest and her hand on her stomach. Ymir went to pull the comforter on top of each other, but stopped herself when she remembered the food. </p>
<p>“Could you grab the food and ice cream, while I search for the movie?” Ymir asked Historia, as she opened up her laptop. Historia quickly nodded and got off the bed, grabbing the food for them. It took a while before Ymir was able to find the movie, however, it gave Historia enough time to get situated with the food. She crawled back over to Ymir with the food. The two of them sat in the bed as the movie started and ate their food, then their ice cream. When the two of them were done eating, Historia laid her head on Ymir’s chest and held Ymir's hand on her stomach. All of the physical touch gave Ymir flurries in her belly. </p>
<p>Ymir didn’t expect that the movie would bring her to tears, but here she was, balling her eyes out at the end. Historia was holding back chuckles as she rubbed circles into Ymir’s hand. Wiping the tears away from her face, Ymir looked at Historia and immediately started crying once again. That only brought on concern from Historia. </p>
<p>“Hey… What’s wrong?” Historia quickly stood up to see Ymir better. She moved in, wiping the tears away from Ymir’s face. She kissed her cheek, in an attempt to fix Ymir’s mood. </p>
<p>“I- I just- I just don’t want you to die from cancer!” Ymir choked out from behind her tears. </p>
<p>“Oh, Ymir,” Historia started to laugh, but quickly stopped, “I won’t die from cancer. I promise that. You’ll have me as long as you want.”</p>
<p>“Good. We should have a little restaurant together one day,” Ymir smiled at Historia. She squeezed her hand a little tighter. The two didn’t exchange any words as they looked at each other. Ymir could feel her heart beat faster and faster. She had to try her best to keep herself from reaching out, grabbing Historia’s face, and pulling her in for a kiss. </p>
<p>“Hey Ymir, do you want to go to bed? I’m exhausted,” Historia asked, her eyes still trained on Ymir. </p>
<p>“That sounds good to me. Do you need a shower or anything?” Ymir gestured towards the bathroom. </p>
<p>“Actually, that would be really nice. Do you have any clothes that I could change into?” Historia cocked her head to the side as she looked at Ymir. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ll set them out for you. How about you go jump in?” Historia nodded and got off of the bed, heading into the bathroom. Ymir quickly got up and grabbed some clothes for Historia. She got a hoodie, a pair of boxers, and shorts for Historia. Knocking on the door, she told Historia that the clothes were outside the door for her. </p>
<p>Heading back to her room, Ymir quickly changed into some sleepwear and climbed into bed. She sent a quick goodnight text to her mother and pulled out her current read, Dune. By the time that Historia had gotten out of the shower and came back into the room, Ymir had read about twenty pages. Looking up from her book, she saw that Historia was drying off her hair with her towel before she got into the bed. It had felt as if Ymir saw a glimpse into their future together. It felt so right and domestic. The thought brought a smile onto her face. </p>
<p>“What’s that smile for?” Historia said as she climbed into the bed, her eyes on Ymir. </p>
<p>“Just missed you,” Ymir smiled at Historia before she went back to reading.</p>
<p>“I just took a quick shower. I wasn’t gone more than thirty minutes,” Historia stared at Ymir, confusion furrowed her brows. Ymir looked up from her book and lifted her arm up, for Historia to come closer to her. Historia moved around until Ymir’s arm was around her shoulders. </p>
<p>“Like over this past month. I was worried that I had completely screwed up and I was never going to talk to you again. I wouldn’t know what I would do with myself. You’re not someone that I can just lose and be okay without,” Ymir’s voice was gentle as she quietly poured her heart out to Historia. She had hoped that the emotions were clear in her voice. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Historia whispered, more to herself than Ymir. Underneath Ymir’s arm, she could tell that Historia stiffened up. Something had just gone wrong, but Ymir couldn’t bring herself to mention it.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I should get going,” Historia said, as she started to move away from Ymir, but was stopped when Ymir reached out and grabbed Historia’s hand. </p>
<p>“You said that we were going to talk things out. There is no running away. I’m going to grab us some water and you’ll sit here. Historia, we are going to talk,” Ymir’s voice was stern, but sure as she spoke to Historia. </p>
<p> Ymir gave Historia’s hand a little squeeze before getting up. Walking quickly to the kitchen, Ymir grabbed two cups for her and Historia. She was nervous that if she didn’t hurry up, then Historia would just run away. Opening the door, Ymir saw that Historia was still sitting on the bed, staring at her hands. The sight brought a smile to her face, knowing that Historia decided to stay. </p>
<p>“Hey…” Historia whispered as she looked up to look at Ymir. She now wore a somber expression. Clearly, there was something on her mind that was bothering her. </p>
<p>“What’s bothering you?” Ymir handed the glass to Historia, watching her hands slowly take it from her. </p>
<p>“I’m nervous. You mean so much to me Ymir, but I’m scared. I’m just really scared right now. All of this means that I have to be honest and that scares the shit out of me. I’m scared of losing you again and I’m scared of embracing my feelings. I usually run away from who I am and what I’m feeling, but I can’t do this now! If I run away from my feelings, then I run away from you. And you’re Ymir! You’re great. You’re amazing! You deserve so much more than some girl with trauma, who will probably put you through a world of hurt. You deserve to have someone stable, someone healthy. I’m ruined goods. Maybe I would be worth your love if I didn’t have my trauma. You’re just so amazing Ymir and you deserve so much better. I’m sorry,” Historia slowly looked up to Ymir. The tears in her eyes were begging to spill out. </p>
<p>“Historia… I am not perfect. I have my trauma too. I got a shitty hand of cards too. I’ll be okay. I don’t care that you have horrible trauma. I don’t care because I love you. I love you because you were my best friend growing up. I love you because you saw who I am and you loved me for that. I love you because you’re who I am meant to love. You are perfect. You are the kindest soul I’ve ever met and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Historia, we are meant to have a perfect life together. We are meant to be happy together. One day, we’ll be living together and we’ll be okay. We’ll be happy. We won’t repeat the cycles of abuse and trauma. One day, we’ll be okay together and it’ll be the best thing ever. Just… Please stay, Historia. Please. For me.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>The two stayed staring at each other, unspoken words being exchanged through the air in front of them. Ymir couldn’t help but smile at Historia. There was a new look in her eyes. The happiness that was once there was returned. With her free hand, Ymir grabbed Historia’s and intertwined their fingers. Their hands felt as if God himself had molded them together, but separated before they could have set in their embrace. </p>
<p>“Want to sleep now?” Ymir asked in a whisper. </p>
<p>“Of course. Is it okay if we cuddle? I don’t want to ma-” </p>
<p>“It always is. Let’s go to bed,” Ymir continued to smile as she spoke to Historia. The two kept holding hands as they climbed into Ymir’s bed. Ymir first, with Historia following by straddling Ymir. Quickly, Historia laid her head down on Ymir’s chest, while Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia’s torso. The two melted together in each other’s embrace. Ymir was almost positive that Historia could hear her thundering heart beat through her chest. However, she didn’t care. She was holding the most important person in her arms, once again. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>It had been a little over a month since Historia had finally opened up to Ymir about how she was feeling, but Ymir was still unable to convince Historia to go on a date with her. Every time when Ymir or someone else would bring up the idea to Historia, Ymir could tell that she was uncomfortable with it. There was still something wrong. The two of them were enjoying the label of being friends, but it was obvious to all that they were in love with each other. Part of Ymir was afraid that Historia had lost feelings for her, but was prolonging telling Ymir. Fed up, Ymir grabbed Historia’s hand and dragged her into a bathroom stall at lunch. </p>
<p>“What are we doing here?” Historia sounded pissed off, but Ymir was beginning to fume. </p>
<p>“Why won’t you go on a date with me? We’ve been good for a month now, so why won’t you go on a date with me? Did you lose feelings for me?” Ymir’s voice was coming out as a harsh whisper. </p>
<p>“What? No! Do you really want to know the truth?” Historia had her hands on her forehead. It was becoming clearer to Ymir that the reason was just a frustrating one, not one that would hurt her.</p>
<p>“Yes! Of course!”</p>
<p>“I just haven’t told my parents. About you. They don’t know that we are talking again. I’m nervous because they were pretty mad about it,” Historia kept avoiding Ymir’s gaze. It was obvious how nervous she was. </p>
<p>“Then I’ll come over tonight and I’ll talk to them. They can do the whole threatening to kill me thing. I just want to take you on a date,” Ymir’s voice accidentally came out more as a whine. Reaching up, she took Historia’s hands off of her forehead and into her hands. </p>
<p>“I’ll text them then and see if you can come over for dinner. I’ll just say that I want to have a friend over. I’m afraid if I say it’s you, then they’ll be mad.” Historia moved in closer, pulling Ymir into a hug. Slowly, Historia pulled Ymir’s head down until their foreheads were together, with Ymir’s glasses pressing slightly into her head. </p>
<p>“I make no promises though. I’m not sure how they’ll respond,” Historia’s voice was a whisper. She pressed her eyes closed before pulling away from their embrace. </p>
<p>“I bet it’ll be okay. It has to be. They’ll be my in-laws one day,” Ymir smiled at Historia, hoping she took the bait. Historia laughed and smacked Ymir in the arm. </p>
<p>“Ymir! We aren’t dating. Come on.” Historia grabbed Ymir’s hand and began to drag her out of the stall. </p>
<p>The two found their way back to Sasha, Connie, and Hitch. The five of them began to have lunch together once they all found out that Ymir and Historia were beginning to make up. It seemed like they were all betting on when Historia would let Ymir bring her on a date. Whenever Historia and Ymir would go somewhere, they would walk back and see them whispering together and staring at the two of them. </p>
<p>“Have a good make out session in the bathroom?” Hitch raised her eyebrows at them. It was hard to tell if it was a joke or if there was an ounce of seriousness in it. </p>
<p>“No. I made Historia tell me why she won’t take me on a date,” Ymir said proudly, her hands at her hips like a superhero. </p>
<p>“Now, I have to text my parents if she can come over for dinner,” Historia’s tone was monotone. She was clearly unexcited about what she had to do. </p>
<p>“Oooo, you two better start dating soon,” Sasha said through a mouthful of food. </p>
<p>Ymir saw the smile that started to grow on Historia’s face while she listened to their friends bickering about the definition of their current relationship. Butterflies flew through her stomach as she looked at Historia. Part of her mind wondered what would happen if Historia let her come over for dinner. Would her parents be angry at Ymir? Or would they listen to her and Historia? She hoped for the second option. </p>
<p>“They said you can come over,” Historia whispered as she leaned over to Ymir. </p>
<p>“I’ll see you soon then.”</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Standing in front of Historia’s door, Ymir’s hands were shaking with nerves as she raised her hand to knock on the door. With every ounce in her body, she prayed that Historia would be the only who answered. After knocking, Ymir wrapped her free hand around the flowers that she had bought. After school, she ran home and changed into a better outfit. She threw on a pair of black slacks and tucked in her nice white button down. Her attempt at tying her tie was poor, but she felt the need to dress nice for this occasion. The seconds waiting for the door to open felt like a millennium. Ymir watched as Historia’s mother slowly opened the door. The shock on her face was enough evidence for Ymir to know that Historia didn’t mention that she was coming. </p>
<p>“Ymir? What are you doing here?” Her voice was filled with shock and concern. Ymir could hear that Historia was running down the stairs to get to the door. Before she knew it, Historia popped up next to her mother, staring at Ymir with a look of concern.</p>
<p>“I- Uh- I have flowers for Historia,” Ymir stuttered through her sentence and held out the flowers towards Historia and her mother. She felt like her brain was freezing up on her as she felt the strong stare from Historia’s mother.</p>
<p>“Good. You’re learning how to treat her right. Now, come in,” Historia’s mother grabbed them out of Ymir’s hands and motioned for her to come inside. </p>
<p>Standing next to Historia, Ymir leaned down to speak into her ear in a whisper, </p>
<p>“I almost shit my pants. Your mother is scary.”</p>
<p>“I know. Let’s go sit down.”</p>
<p>Grabbing her hand, Historia dragged Ymir to the table and sat her next to herself. As they sat, they continued to hold hands while they waited for Historia’s parents to finish getting ready. The silence was deafening. Ymir was sure that Historia could hear her heartbeat from being next to her. Historia’s parents eventually finished up and sat in front of the girls. The stares from them drilled into Ymir. </p>
<p>“Explain yourself. Now.” Mr. Reiss’ voice was almost a growl. His face told Ymir everything that she needed to know. </p>
<p>“I love Historia, a lot. And I fucked up, big time. So, in light of that, I decided that I needed to talk with you two as well. I understand that I made a horrible mistake, but I really want to move past it. Historia and I have been talking it through together and working together to be better. Obviously, I want both of your blessings,” Ymir felt herself rambling, but had no way to stop it. </p>
<p>“Why would you need our blessings?” Historia’s mother spoke up.</p>
<p>“Well, I love Historia and obviously want to marry her. I’ve been saying that since we were kids. Like I love-”</p>
<p>“Ymir!”</p>
<p>“What! It’s the truth. I’m just being honest with them!”</p>
<p>“Girls. You can bicker later, we just want to talk to Ymir right now. She still chose to leave you, Historia.” Historia’s father cut in, voice stern. </p>
<p>“I know… I’m trying my best to make up for it. Historia,” Ymir turned to look at her, “she means so much to me. I promise I’ll be better.”</p>
<p>“Forgive us for being wary about it. We just don’t want to go through the same thing again. However, you will have to put in the effort to fix this. Both with Historia and us. She can trust you as much as she wants, but it doesn’t really count unless one of us does,” Historia’s mother was glaring at Ymir. Her eyes burning through her skin. </p>
<p>“That’s reasonable. I’ll put in the work. She’s definitely worth it, if she ever lets me take her on a date,” Ymir mumbled the last part to herself, forgetting that the others could hear her. </p>
<p>“I will. Just didn’t want it to come to a surprise to my parents,” Historia gestured to her mother and father. </p>
<p>“Would have not been a nice surprise. You’re still not off the hook, Ymir. You better treat my girl nicely,” Historia’s father was still holding onto his anger as he spoke. </p>
<p>Ymir quickly nodded to show that she understood. The rest of the dinner continued on nicely, with Ymir speaking here and there. She was afraid that she had overstayed her welcome and Historia’s parents weren’t happy that she wasn’t gone yet. However, they still let the two girls go up into Historia’s room to be by themselves. </p>
<p>“Sorry about them. They’re just concerned,” Historia smiled apologetically at Ymir. </p>
<p>“It’s okay. I deserved it. It was pretty reasonable,” Ymir said as she laid down on the bed, facing upward. Historia climbed onto her bed and laid down next to Ymir. Her hand drifted over Ymir’s body, eventually stopping on her stomach. Slipping under Ymir’s shirt, Historia started to rub little circles on her skin. The motion tickled Ymir, but she tried to hold it back. </p>
<p>“So, about that date?” Historia asked. </p>
<p>“What about it?” Ymir shot back. </p>
<p>“Are you going to take me or do I have to go on a date with Reiner?” Historia’s voice was smug, but Ymir could hear that she was holding back a laugh. </p>
<p>“Reiner? You would go on a date with Reiner, but not me?” Ymir sat up and stared at Historia. Looking at Historia, she saw that she got flustered by something. </p>
<p>“Uh, my hand- Because you sat up- It’s uh- On your crotch,” Historia stuttered over her words. She motioned with her head. </p>
<p>“Well, you can keep it there if you want to.”</p>
<p>“God Ymir! You’re gross!”</p>
<p>For the rest of the night, the two of them continued to chat. Ymir’s face began to burn as she continued to smile from Historia and her antics. The motions were simple and well rehearsed. Ymir could feel them begin to fall back into their routine once again. Contentment, that’s how Ymir could describe how she was feeling. Her heart continued to beat and thump from the love that she felt for this girl. </p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Running around her house, Ymir tried her best to get ready for her date with Historia. She needed to pick out clothes, cook dinner, get her room ready, and mentally be ready for her date. She had three chances to completely win over Historia. There was no way that she was supposed to do that unless the night was exactly perfect. Luckily for Ymir, her mother was out of town again and she had the house to herself. </p>
<p>Ymir went to her room and searched through her closet trying to find the best outfit for the occasion. She wanted the two of them to have a nice dinner together and then they would have a cute movie night together. However, she had yet to tell Historia what she had planned. All that she had told Historia was that she needed to dress nicely and bring a pair of comfy clothes to change into. Ymir had only hoped that she listened to what she told her. </p>
<p>“Hm, maybe this could work?” Ymir pulled out her black slacks and her button down with oranges on it. Pulling her pants up, she put on her button down and stared at the mirror. She couldn’t tell if she wanted to wear it. Part of her thought that Historia would think that she looked cute in it, but decided against it. Looking back into her closet, Ymir pulled out her white turtleneck. Wearing white was a risk, but if it looked good, then she would luck out. </p>
<p>Ymir fumbled with her pants and belt as she tucked in her turtleneck. She tried her best to prevent herself from looking like a crazed man from the seventies. Looking into the mirror, Ymir tried to figure out what was missing. Her shirt was tucked in nicely and her pants fitted her well, but there was something off. Once she trailed up to her face, she noticed what was wrong. It was her hair!</p>
<p>In the bathroom mirror, Ymir lightly wetted her hands and brushed her hair back with her fingers. She tried her best to copy what Historia had done with her hair at homecoming. Looking around in the cabinets, Ymir found some hair gel that would help keep it back. Once she was done, her hair was messily brushed back. </p>
<p>“Sexy ass mother fucker, huh?” Ymir whispered to herself in the mirror. </p>
<p>Walking into the kitchen, Ymir checked on her boiling water and cooking pancetta. She decided to treat Historia to a nice dinner, with carbonara and cookies. It would be quite the task for her to get the carbonara right, but she wanted to do something nice and memorable for Historia. </p>
<p>Ymir lost herself in a trance as she cooked and continued to get ready for the date. She didn’t even notice how soon it was until she saw that she had ten minutes left and she still hadn’t set up her room for Historia. </p>
<p>In her room, Ymir gathered blankets and pillows, trying her best to build something that resembled a fort. The task proved to be harder than she expected, but when it felt like ten minutes had passed, Ymir decided to give up and wait for Historia to get there. Historia was never late, she was bound to be there on time. </p>
<p>Putting one foot in front of the other, Ymir tried her best to contain her happiness, but also her nervousness. Ymir had to wow Historia from the beginning or otherwise, she wouldn’t have enough confidence to continue the two other dates. Ymir had to make this night perfect. </p>
<p>At the door, Ymir considered checking if Historia was there already. Reaching out towards the door, Ymir prayed that the night would be okay. Slowly opening the door, Ymir saw that Historia was standing there, her hand up about to ring the doorbell. The two stared at each other for a little bit. Ymir was taken aback by how gorgeous Historia looked. She had a periwinkle sweater on with a light gray skirt. Her blonde hair looked ablaze by the sun setting behind her. Ymir offered Historia her hand, pulling her into the house. </p>
<p>“Let me show you what I have planned. You brought a change of clothes right?” Ymir asked Historia, she only nodded in response. </p>
<p>Ymir felt her hands sweating as she walked Historia into her room, hand in hand. The two walked until Ymir stopped in front of her door and placed a hand over Historia’s eyes. She knew that Historia wouldn’t appreciate the gesture, but Ymir wanted to see her reaction. </p>
<p>“You ready?” Ymir leaned over to whisper in Historia’s ear. </p>
<p>Slowly, Ymir opened the door and walked into her room with her hand over Historia’s eyes. Once they were both situated, Ymir took her hand off of Historia’s eyes and showed Historia her best attempt at building a fort for them. Excitement lit up on Historia’s face as she registered what Ymir had done for her. </p>
<p>“You made a fort for us?” Historia’s voice was beaming with happiness. </p>
<p>“Of course, so we can watch movies later.” Ymir couldn’t help but smile at Historia’s excitement. </p>
<p>“Let’s go have dinner then! Jeez Ymir, you make it so easy to fall in love with you!” Historia wrapped her arms around Ymir’s neck and pulled her in closer. Ymir felt her stomach flutter with butterflies from hearing those words. Wrapping her arms around Historia, she tightened her embrace. </p>
<p>Historia pulled away and began to walk towards the kitchen. She motioned for Ymir to follow her into the kitchen. Ymir felt her cheeks start to flush. She knew that she had immediately nailed it. The date was going better than Ymir had ever hoped. She was finally winning Historia over. </p>
<p>“Ymir! If you come sooner, I might give you a kiss as a reward!” Historia yelled out to her. That proved to be enough motivation as Ymir quickened her pace. </p>
<p>“Coming dear!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'm going to take a small break from this fic. I am unsure of how I want to continue/end the story. I don't want to half ass the ending and be disappointed in myself. I've also had a lot of work with school recently. I just want to take some time to figure out how I want to end this fic, then I will return to it. I doubt it'll take me that long and I PROMISE I will finish this! In the meanwhile, I might have a one shot or something come out. I have three in the drafts right now, so expect those while you wait for the next chapter. Two are yumihisu and one is Pieck and Porco. I also wrote a new one this past week! As always, I love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Don't forget to follow my tumblr @nottinghil1</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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